I'm finding it hard not to pity Katya. She's clearly miserable, though I warned her about the rain. If she were one of my Marines, I'd call this a lesson. But she's not. She's a clueless civilian who gave up her sleeping bag to one kid after almost taking out a fellow counselor for hurting the feelings of another kid.
She really is a contradiction. So oblivious in some ways, worse than a child, yet capable of purposely needling me to try to piss me off. There's an instinct that's been building whenever I'm around her, one I wasn't able to define until this evening. I'm beginning to think her problem is that she doesn't have someone who takes care of her the way she tries to everyone else. Petr watches over her from a distance but even he won't get too close, knowing she'll give him hell if he does.
Someone like Katya needs an occasional ass kicking and someone to hand her a jacket every time she gives someone the shirt off her back. She's both completely selfless about taking care of others and a selfish bitch when it comes to how she's viewed everything involving me. I'm not sure how someone can be both.
So frustrating. I want her to simply be a mega-bitch, so I don't feel concerned about what she'll do without a sleeping bag. As wrong as it is, I don't want to feel compelled to take care of her. It's a slippery slope. If she were anyone else, anyone who hadn't managed to creep beneath my guard and get an emotional reaction out of me, then it wouldn't matter.
But I'm feeling the need to maintain some distance - physical and emotional - between us. I'm starting to realize why, and I don't like it. It's something more than basic attraction, which is what I've been trying to tell myself it is.
She exits the front of the tent after talking to Jacob. As usual, she doesn't bother telling me where she's going or for how long. Maybe it's a civilian thing. I'm used to a lot better communication than this.
"Don't forget," I tell the kids firmly. "Team first. Always."
They nod. Lexi is holding Jenna while Tanner helps Rory.
With a glance at my watch, I add, "Dinner in ten. Be ready."
I pull up the hood of my Gortex jacket and go out the second entrance, headed towards the tent Brianna said was ours. I reach it and stop.
It's in a puddle, partially collapsed.
I'm beginning to wonder which girl is the bigger bitch.
"You can have ours," Riley says, joining me. He points to the one on the north side of the camp. "We're sleeping with the kids."