Thinking of Katya reminds me of all of that, of the night when four men died under my command.

"Yeah," I say with effort.

"I think that's a good idea, Sawyer," Harper says warmly.

Not really. It's probably a bad career choice, because I'll have to tell my commander, who can choose to take me off missions. It's a fear I've had for a long time, about losing what matters most to me.

But I can't function like this. The emotions aren't going away. They're getting worse. If I don't get a handle on them now, what happens if I'm on a mission and lose my focus? What if I had read Katya's note before going out on a mission?

I won't let anyone else die because I can't get one fucking woman out of my head.

It's hard to hate you when I know you're broken like Petr.

"Goddammit," I mutter. I need her voice out of my thoughts. So she's right. So I need to go back to the shrink.

If I can reconcile what happened that night and my destructive emotions, will it help me get her out of my head as well?




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