"So he will stay for a while, until you are ready to send him back."

I give a startled laugh that quickly turns into sobs. Baba wraps his arms around me and holds me. I cry into his expensive sweater, and he murmurs to me in Russian.

The time I spent with Sawyer was frustrating, infuriating, crippling. He managed to pry me out of my shell and hold a mirror in front of me, so I could see how damaged I am. Like him, I'm broken by Mikael's death.

Am I fixable? Is he? Why do I hope we both are and that one day, we can sit down for coffee and have a normal conversation?

I don't think I'll ever see him again.

The idea crushes me. I'm too upset to know why exactly.




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