As Draco spent most of the afternoon and into early evening in his office, or visiting the various business units on the property, Blair had taken to having a leisurely swim in the heated pool in the hour or two before their evening meal. The rhythm of her life was so different from what she was used to, and day by day she could feel herself winding down.
She and Draco had not made love again since that time in the olive grove. She wasn’t sure whether she should be bothered by that or not. She did feel a sense of loss each night, however, when after dinner he saw her to her room before continuing farther down the hall to his own suite.
One morning Blair noticed Draco appeared to be uncharacteristically distracted at breakfast.
“I may have to go away in the next few days,” he announced. “There are matters in our London office that require my urgent attention, and I cannot deal with them from here.”
“When will you know?” Blair asked, fidgeting with her linen serviette. As strange as it felt spending time with Draco this past week or so, it would feel a whole lot worse being here on her own. “We’ll have to postpone our trip to Livorno, I suppose.”
“Yes, I’m sorry. I wish it could be different. I had hoped not to have to travel again during the months you are here.”
There it was, a reminder that she wouldn’t be here for long. Confusion bubbled through her mind. Why did it bother her so much? She wanted to leave. As idyllic as her time here was, as stunning as the surroundings were, she ached to be home and back at Carson’s. But she’d agreed to stay here, to have her baby here. Then, and only then, could she return home.
Her baby? When had she started thinking of it in those terms? Blair laid a hand gently on the small swell of her belly, still barely noticeable through her clothing but making its presence known in the number of jeans and shorts she was now incapable of fastening. So far, she’d managed to keep her mind pretty much off the baby, to keep any thoughts purely based on the fact that it was Draco’s child. But something had happened along the way. Suddenly it was her baby as well.
Could she do it when the time came? Leave her child? Leave the man she loved?
Blair’s eyes shot up to the man seated across the table. Loved? Oh, my God, she thought, a faint tremor rippling through her body. She did love him.
Every cell in her body was attuned to him. Her days became better, brighter, when he was with her. Life before him compared to life now, was like the difference between tinned spaghetti and the deliciously delicate flavors of porcini mushrooms and date shell mussels in the Spaghetti Allo Scoglio Cristiano had shown her the day before.
And that in itself was a perfect example of how she felt. On the outside looking in on perfection, yet not permitted inside.
She ached to see him each morning and missed him each night when they parted. Somehow, sometime in their tumultuous relationship, attraction had deepened, had turned into something more. Or perhaps, she realized, she had loved him all along but had fought tooth and nail to deny her own feelings. After all, her experience with Rhys had led to disaster, both emotional and financial, and her father’s views on life and love had long tainted her own—making her distrustful, careful not to commit to anyone fully. In hindsight, that had probably been what had driven Rhys into Alicia’s arms, Blair realized. Could she dare to hope that with Draco things could be different?
It would mean taking a chance, the biggest risk she’d ever taken in her life. Was she capable of such a thing?
“Is something wrong?” Draco asked, bringing his cup of coffee to his lips.
Blair shook her head, she barely trusted herself to speak. Since the day they’d made love, Draco had been withdrawn from her. Sure, he remained friendly, a perfect host in fact. But he’d withdrawn from her emotionally. Different from the man she’d spent time with here, and again back in Auckland. One throwaway remark, cast by her in anger and shock when he’d discovered the pregnancy, had hardened him and created a gulf between them she had to decide to bridge or forever leave as a yawning chasm. The afternoon after they’d arrived here he’d let down his guard around her, and for the space of a few hours they’d recreated the bond they had between them.
But then she’d somehow damaged that closeness and he’d withdrawn back behind the demands of his work. Granted, they were many and spanned the globe—but they’d lost something she hadn’t even known they’d shared, until it was gone. The loss—now she acknowledged it—had a left a gaping darkness deep inside her.
“I’ll see you this evening then,” he said, settling the fine china of his cup back on its saucer and rising from his seat.