“I could take what he threw at me. Like I said, I think part of me believed that I hadn’t been the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife I could be, so I deserved it. But I knew there was no way on earth I could subject a child to that kind of life.” I shook my head a tiny bit and swallowed back the bitter taste in my mouth that talking about Oliver always left. “So I can’t honestly say that I would have left for me, but I know without a doubt I would have left to keep him from hurting anyone else.”
“That’s so scary, Poppy. He would have killed you.”
I nodded in agreement. “Yes, he would have, which is why I do my best to make sure anyone in a similar situation knows that there are options, knows that there is someone out there that has been where they are and can show them that it gets better once they get out. The person I am today never would have given Oliver the time of day, let alone married him. The woman that survived all of that knows life is a precious thing, that time is limited, and none of it should be wasted on people that want to cause you pain.”
Kallie sat back in her chair and put a palm over her belly. She was a month further along than Salem, so she was just now starting to show. The burgeoning bump was adorable and I couldn’t stop the pang of envy that worked under my skin as she caressed it.
“This baby is going to be so lucky to have you in its life, Poppy.” The sincerity of her tone warmed me up more than my latte had. She was actually very sweet and I could see why Wheeler had been so into her from the start.
“Well, I feel pretty lucky that both you and Wheeler are allowing me to have a place in your baby’s life. That’s not a responsibility I take lightly. It means the world to me.” It really did. Thinking about babies and everything that I’d lost used to paralyze me, the pain of that loss crippling me and stealing my motivation to move on from the past, but now the idea of cuddling a newborn, of touching that baby-soft skin and smelling their innocent, sweet smell, brought nothing but joy. I was going to be the best auntie in the world and I was going to soak up every minute I got with Wheeler and Kallie’s baby. Watching the man I was undoubtedly falling in love with figuring out fatherhood was a fantastic motivation to keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. Slowly but surely, I was leaving what was behind me and moving solidly into what could be.
“Well it’s obvious that you mean the world to Wheeler. He’s different with you, I mean he’s still great, still pretty much the most perfect guy anyone could ask for, but he seems … happier.” She made a face at me. “That was a hard pill to swallow at first. I thought I made him happy but seeing him with you … I wasn’t even close.” She leaned forward in her chair and her ocean-colored eyes doubled in size. “Did he tell you today is the day we were supposed to get married? I tried to call him and check on him but he didn’t answer.”
It was my turn to fall back in my chair with a horrified expression stamped across my face. “No, he didn’t mention it. I told him I was coming to meet you for coffee and he said he was going to take Happy for a walk.” He hadn’t seemed upset or withdrawn but I was learning that he was really good at locking down anything that might lash out and touch anyone else. I wanted to tell him that nothing he let escape could be anywhere as bad as the monsters my father and former husband had set free, but in order to do that I needed him to know I wasn’t scared of his brand of dark and dangerous. I’d spent a lot of time in hell, so I was intimately acquainted with all variety of demons and devils. Wheeler didn’t have it in him to be evil and purposefully malicious. The boy should have a halo tattooed around his head.
I pulled my phone out and fired off a text asking where he was. He’d been putting a lot of hours into the Hudson lately, so I was hoping he was going to reply that he was at work. What I got back instead was:
Had things to do at home. I’ll touch base tomorrow.
It was more dismissive than he ever was with me and the absence of his usual “honey” made my jaw lock and had my eyes narrowing on the short response. I lifted my gaze back up to Kallie and saw that she was watching me intently, clearly waiting to see what I was going to do.
I slipped my phone back in my purse and picked up my drink as I rose to my feet. “I’m sorry to cut this short but I need to make sure he’s okay.”
A grin tugged at her mouth and she nodded in understanding. “I didn’t really expect anything less. I knew today was going to be hard on him because I woke up sad and felt like shit. I knew that I was the last person he was going to want to see. I’m glad he found you, Poppy.”
“I’m glad he found me too. I might have stayed lost forever without him.”
I turned to go when her next words stopped me short. “For the record, I had no idea that he snores. I’m not much of a cuddler, so we always slept with our backs to each other on opposite sides of the bed. He never made a sound in all the years we shared a bed.”
My mouth shaped itself into an oh of surprise and I could feel heat work its way into my face. When we fell asleep, we typically did it wrapped around one another and he seemed to prefer me and the weight and warmth of my naked body to any of the blankets I kept in the house. I woke up every single morning with his arm wrapped around my waist and his chin on the top of my head. I didn’t mind the rattling air moving in and out of his lips at night any more than he seemed to mind my midnight screams of terror. I was disgustingly relieved that there was a part of him I had that she hadn’t.
I offered softly, “We can do this again and again until it gets less weird.” She stood up and gave me hug that I had no trouble returning. I’d gone from avoiding strangers and interaction with others at all cost to hugging my boyfriend’s baby mama in the middle of a busy coffee shop. Instead of walls to keep everyone out, ones that were heavy and exhausting to lug around everywhere, I now had doors, and it was up to me who I decided could come in and out of them. That was far easier and a lot less lonely. Everyone liked company now and again.
I decided not to let Wheeler know I was coming over. I knew he would do his best to wrestle his emotions until they were under control and I didn’t want that. I wanted him to be able to let his wild out with me, I wanted him to know that I could handle his chaos the same way he handled my catastrophe. I wasn’t afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, not the one on his chest or the one that lived inside of him.