“I love you. That has never stopped from the very first moment I met you,” I said before slipping my hand into her hair and pulling her lips against mine. The urgency in the way she kissed me only solidified that she was feeling the same way about me that I was about her. Her hands slid over my shoulders and into my hair. I pressed my hips into hers, wishing we could block out the rest of the world so I could make love to her, but Amber would be waiting and she was cooking us a meal. I reluctantly pulled back, taking a minute to let my heart rate slow before I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the trees.
“I’m sorry I acted like a jealous girlfriend,” she said as we walked back across the yard.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m yours and I want you to fight for us. I will fight for you every day for the rest of my life if I have to.” A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought of how short lived our lives together could be. I was in too deep with Danny’s crew to escape unscathed. I had known from day one that to get out would be the end. I never anticipated Rose becoming a part of this.
“Hopefully when all of this is over we can just relax and enjoy life.”
It was wishful thinking but I loved her optimism. I could only see the storm and she was picturing a silver lining.
As we reached the front porch I remembered that Amber was inside and things would be tense for the duration of our stay. I hated the fact that I would have to leave, and the two of them would have ample time to talk, but I trusted Amber and I knew she understood that our arrangement as casual lovers was nothing more than that.
I placed my hand on the small of Rose’s back as she walked up to the porch and inside the house.
“Didn’t think you were coming back,” Amber called cheerily from the kitchen. Rose glanced over her shoulder at me and I gave her a reassuring smile. Amber had dished out the macaroni and cheese and was placing them on the table. “I’ll get to the store and pick up some better meals soon.”
“No. This is fine. Thank you.” Rose took her seat and glanced over at me as she picked up her spoon. I gave her a wink, proud that she was putting her concern behind her. Amber pulled up a chair from beside the fridge and sat in front of us. We ate in silence for a few minutes. It was uncomfortable, like I had imagined it would be.
“I’ll move my things out of your room and use your parents’ old bed,” Amber said, breaking the silence. I could feel my face heat as I thought of my father. Even after all of these years, my hate for him had not faded. In fact, I think I grew angrier at him with each passing year.
“That’s not necessary. I won’t be sleeping here tonight.”
Both the women stopped eating and looked at me quizzically.
“We can’t run forever, Rose. You of all people should know that doesn’t work. I need to fix this.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
I glanced at Amber who looked down at her plate and then back to me. She was all too aware of what I did to someone who threatened a woman.
“I’m going to make sure you are safe.” I shoveled another bite of food into my mouth to let her know I was done talking. The truth was, I had no idea what I was going to do to fix this. But I was willing to do whatever it took.
If everything worked out, I could let Amber have the house. She needed a stable place to live. She had turned her life around a lot since I had met her. She was no longer stripping, even though her attire would have suggested otherwise. Now she helped out at Cane’s Grocery four days a week. It wasn’t much, but she didn’t have to worry about bills. I took care of all of that. Rose and I could start over somewhere else. I knew the day that the mob job fell through I would be leaving for good; I just didn’t know how Rose was going to factor into this plan now. The kind of life I lived wasn’t safe for her, and even when I eliminated the current threats, there would inevitably be more.
Both women seemed to have lost their appetites, pushing their food around their plates with their silverware.
“Nothing is going to happen to me,” I stated to neither one in particular. I took the last bite of my food and pushed away from the table. I brought my dish to the sink to rinse it under the water.
“I’ll get that. Amber rushed to my side to take the dish. “You let me stay here for free. It’s the least I could do.” I let her take it from my hand and smiled down at her.
“You keep up after this place. It helps me a lot. You know that.”
She smiled back with sadness in her eyes and I knew she wanted to say something but was holding back.
“I’m gonna show Rose around. Get her settled in before I go.” I grabbed a dishtowel and dried my hands. Amber only nodded and focused on scrubbing the plate that was already clean.
“The grand tour, huh?” Rose asked as she stood, raising her eyebrow suggestively. I couldn’t help but grin.
“Come on. I cocked my head toward the entrance. She walked by me and I paused to admire her ass in those skin-tight jeans. She was a work of art. I followed her past the front door to the living room. It wasn’t much. The furniture was old and worn, done in a dated, flowery fabric. My mother had loved them even though they were a garage-sale find. She had always been proud of her bargain-hunting skills. The only new object was a small flat screen that stuck out like a sore thumb in the old house. I had purchased it for Amber to give her some form of entertainment when she spent the night here. “This is the family room.” I hated that name. We had never felt like a family in here. Rose walked to the mantle. There was no fireplace. It had been bricked over years ago, but the mantle remained. It was covered in old metal picture frames, filled with memories I would sooner forget. Her eyes danced from frame to frame, squinting as she looked them over.
“Exactly how I remember you.” She smiled over her shoulder at me. I crossed the room, standing behind her. I reached around her arm and picked up the picture, recalling the day it had been taken.
It was Easter Sunday and even though I was too old to participate in any holiday activities, my mom insisted in making me a basket full of candy. I acted like it was nothing, as typical teenagers do. My heart clenched in my chest as I pictured the sadness in her eyes. That was the last holiday I would spend with her. I sat it back on the shelf and cleared my throat.
“Come on.” I turned and left the room, not waiting for Rose. I heard her feet on the linoleum floor and knew she had followed. This place fucked with my head almost as much as trying to readjust everything in my life to allow Rose in it.
“There is the downstairs bathroom, which you already know.” Thinking of how she had run to find a first-aid kit for Amber, not knowing who she was to me or why she was in my home, made my heart swell with more love for this woman. I grabbed the shaky banister and began to climb the steep, wooden staircase. I hated going up these steps. I hated the vivid flashbacks of my mother and father fighting while I tried to sleep. Most nights I would sneak out to Rose’s under the guise of wanting to help her, but I needed that time together as much as she had. She had no idea how much of an impact she had made on my life, and if we got out of all of this, I would have to thank her every day for being there for me.
The upstairs was dark and I flipped on the light inside my childhood bedroom at the top of the stairs. It did not turn on and I frowned; I tried the switch again but with no luck.
“The light must have blown. I’ll take care of that later.” The room was pitch dark, but we could still see the silhouette of my bed and dresser. “This was my room.” I took a deep breath and pulled the door closed behind me.
“There is the bathroom with a shower. I’m sure Amber has everything you would need.” I walked by her and pushed open the last door set off to the left. I flicked on the light and was transported back to a very ugly time in my life. “My parents’ room.” I clenched my jaw trying to hide the anger in my voice. There were very little traces of my father left. He was killed months before my mother took her own life. I couldn’t begin to understand why she would decide to end it after we were finally free. She acted as if it had all been her fault, and if she had just been a better wife she wouldn’t have been beaten or left widowed. She clung to my father’s possessions like they were her lifeline. After her death I cleared out anything I could find that reminded me of him and burned it in the backyard. Still, this place haunted me with memories of my mother’s pain.
“This is nice.” Rose stepped inside the room, her eyes searching it and nodding in approval. I rubbed my hand over my head feeling that familiar sting of regret. “You can stay in here if you like or I can have Amber switch with you.”
“Why does she stay in your room?” she asked as she ran her fingers over the red-and-white gingham bedspread.
“Honestly, I don’t know.” I shrugged as I walked over to her, tucking her beautiful brown hair behind her ear. “I haven’t been inside this room for years, and I think she assumed that meant she couldn’t come in either.”
“You’re in here now.” She placed her hands on my chest and I wished my heart hadn’t been beating so fucking erratically.
“That’s because you’re in here, sweetheart. I’d walk through hell for you.” I placed a kiss on her forehead, letting my lips linger for a moment. There was no way she could fully understand how monumental this was for me. All of this. Her stepping back into my life had set in motion a huge change inside of me. It felt like my heart had remembered how to beat again.
“You don’t have to uproot her. I can stay here.” Her eyes drifted over the bed. It was old and worn but much larger than the single in my room. She would be more comfortable in here anyway.
“Whatever you like. Although, it has always been a fantasy of mine to get you back to my room.” I gave her a small smile. “Come on. Walk me to the door.”
Her expression went blank and I knew she was beginning to worry.
“I will be back, darlin’. And I expect to pin you back against that tree again.” I slipped my hand around her to her lower back and pulled her against me. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me tight against her body. I slowed my breathing, trying to keep myself calm. I knew she needed to feel that I wasn’t worried. “Shh…” I stroked her hair with my other hand as I closed my eyes and hoped that this wouldn’t be the last time I got to hold her like this.
“It’s getting dark. Try to get some rest and I will be back to wake you. You have nothing to worry about.”
Chapter Thirteen
Missing
As I drove away from my childhood home, I couldn’t help but glance at the rearview mirror and watch it grow smaller in the distance. I hated having to walk away from Rose, even for a second. I couldn’t know she was safe if she wasn’t by my side. But I had some very bad things to do, and it would be too great of a risk to drag her along.
I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled down to Danny’s number. I cursed under my breath as I hit the call button and listened to it ring.
“Long time no talk,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Something has come up. It was important.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that, Colt.”
“I’ll be there for the shipment. I’m a man of my word.”
“Glad to hear it. We will be waiting for you. Do not disappoint me. Nine o’clock in the morning by the south dock.” The line went dead before I could say anything.
“Shit.” This was just what I fucking needed. On top of everything that was happening, I had to play drug lord. I tossed the phone across the seat and it bounced off the door and onto the passenger side floor. “Fuck,” I yelled to myself as I banged the palms of my hands on the steering wheel.
I needed to find Brock and make sure he was doing his part to find Craig. I began the long trek to the city to visit all of Brock’s favorite strip-club haunts. When I didn’t find him at Pink’s, I grabbed my phone and called him. I got out of the car and paced the parking lot, pinching the bridge of my nose as a headache began to set in.