So I make do with what she can give me.
I walk back to Ruby’s bed, but before I can even make it there, Gray calls.
“What happened?” she asks in a panicky, concerned voice.
I tell her the details, including my conversation with Frank. She actually hisses at that and her voice is furious when she says, “That fucker. That motherfucker.”
And for the first time in hours, I actually laugh. “Language, Miss Brannon.”
“I’m sorry, but that really pisses me off. You shouldn’t give it another thought. It’s why we have two goalies on a team and the ability to call another up from the minors if we need it…because shit happens.”
“I know,” I assure her, so she calms down. “It’s all good now. How did your talk go?”
“Fuck the talk,” she blusters at me. “How’s Ruby doing?”
I pull back the edge of the curtain, see she’s still conked out, and smile. “She’s a trouper. I told her to rub some dirt in it and she hasn’t cried since. Of course, that probably makes me a shitty dad. You should see her arm, Gray. It’s really bad. I almost tossed my cookies.”
She makes a cooing noise at me. “She’s in good hands now, though, and she’ll be feeling better in no time.”
“I know,” I say, and then glance at my watch. “Listen…I have to call Kate and tell her what’s going on so she can handle Violet, and Hensley as well. I’ll text you when I have more details about the surgery.”
Gray doesn’t respond right away, but then she hesitantly asks, “My flight back to Raleigh is at seven tomorrow morning. Want me to try to get out tonight?”
My heart cramps slightly over her offer. But it’s an empty offer, because honestly, what purpose would that serve? It’s not like she can come up to the hospital and sit with me. It’s not like she can mother Ruby or make her feel any better.
“Nah,” I tell her firmly. “Keep your flight. Talk later?”
“Sure,” she says, and I think that’s relief I hear in her voice. I’m not sure if she’s relieved I let her off the hook or that we’ll talk later, but it doesn’t matter because she then says, “I miss you.”
It’s the first words we’ve spoken to each other that affirm we have something building between us. I always knew that it would never be just about the sex with Gray, but that right there? It tells me she believes that as well.
“I miss you too.”
—
I kick back the blue vinyl hospital recliner that sits next to Ruby’s bed and try to nestle in. The springs squeak and one pokes me in the ass, so I try to adjust my weight to the side. I just turned off the TV, happy and relieved the Cold Fury trounced Montreal. Not sure how I feel about Max having a shutout on his first game back. On the one hand, I’m genuinely happy for the dude. As a goalie, it’s an awesome feeling knowing you stuffed every fucking shot that came your way. On the other hand, this is going to stir the pot big time with renewed debate over who the starting goalie should be for the Cold Fury.
I refuse to join in on the debate. Of course, I want it to be me. Of course, I think it should be me because I’m hot and consistent. Max is back off a serious injury and has one game under his belt for the season. A brilliant game, no doubt, but just a game.
Ultimately, it’s not my decision. Luckily, it’s not Gray’s decision either, because that is exactly where things would start to get awkward. It’s Coach Pretore’s decision and I’ll abide by it. He’s done this team right in the past and if he thinks Max is it…I’ll support it. I’ll ride pine and be ready to go in if needed.
I’ll hate it. But I’ll do it.
Ruby stirs a little and I stand poised to get up if she needs something. But she settles and gets pulled back under the narcotic fog they have her in. The surgery was pretty short; just under half an hour. The doctor had to put in two pins, and because it was so late in the day by the time they got a surgical suite available, they wanted her to stay overnight. She’ll go home sometime tomorrow, where I know she’ll be more comfortable. I had to deal with Hensley in all of that, who freaked out big time. I had to listen to her whine about what a terrible mother she was for not being there when this happened, and while I get why she’s upset, I told her she needed to focus on Ruby and not herself. I suggested she catch the next flight out of Boston that was available and she should be here before too long.
Sutton came by and stayed with me while Ruby was in surgery, bringing me food, fresh clothes, and my wallet. Kate took Violet to her house, so that worry was taken care of. Gray called once while Sutton was sitting next to me, so I couldn’t answer. I sent her a text update and promised her I’d call later.
Now it’s later and I’m hesitating.
I’m hesitating because I’ve had hours to think about our situation and this accident with Ruby made things a little clearer. While Gray and I are becoming closer, and feelings are getting stronger, we are still vast oceans apart. Because we are a secret, we can’t even be there to fully support each other. For fuck’s sake, I had to decline her call when Sutton was sitting next to me.
Flip the script…what if her father died? How could I take a backseat and watch her deal with it on her own, unable to give support and care because no one can know about us?
All of this has just made me think a little more about our future, and whether or not it’s stupid to let this go further. We’d be investing more emotion, which would make it all that much harder when we finally both realized that this is not an optimal relationship.