She looked over at Kiernan, said, “Even the anchors look scared.”
Kiernan stubbed out his cigarette and blew a river of smoke at the television.
“I got called up,” he said.
“Your Guard unit?”
“I have to report tomorrow morning.” He lit another one. “What I hear, we’ll just be patrolling neighborhoods.”
“Keeping the peace until it all blows over?”
He glanced at her, head cocked with that boyish smirk she’d fallen for six months ago when he’d deposed her as an adverse expert witness in a medical malpractice case. “Does anything about this make you feel like it’s going to blow over?”
A new banner scrolled across the bottom of the screen—45 dead in a mass shooting at a Southern Baptist church in Columbia, South Carolina.
“Jesus Christ,” Dee said.
Kiernan dragged heavily on his cigarette. “Something’s happening,” he said.
“Obviously. The whole country—”
“That’s not what I mean, love.”
“What are you talking about?”
He didn’t answer right away, just sat there for a while, smoking.
“It’s been coming on now, little by little, for days,” he said finally.
“I don’t understand.”
“I barely do myself.”
Through the cracked window of their hotel room—distant gunshots and sirens.
“This was supposed to be our week,” she said. “You were going to tell Myra. I was—”
“You should go home, be with your family.”
“You’re my family.”
“Your kids at least.”
“What is this, Kiernan?” She could feel an angry knot bulging in her throat. “Are we not in this together? Are you having second thoughts about everything or what?”
“It’s not that.”
“Do you have any concept of what I’ve already sacrificed for you?”
She couldn’t see all of his face in the mirror on the opposite wall, but she could see his eyes. Gaping into nothing. A thousand-yard stare. Somewhere other than this room. He’d gone deep, and she’d sensed it even before this moment, in the way he’d made love to her. Something held back. Something missing.
She climbed out of bed and walked over to her dress where she’d thrown it against the wall two hours ago.
“You don’t feel it?” he asked. “Not at all?”
“I don’t understand what—”
“Forget it.”
“Kiernan—”
“Fucking forget it.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
Dee pulled the straps over her shoulders as Kiernan glared at her through the cloud of smoke around his head. He was forty-one years old, with short black hair, and a two-day shadow that reminded her so much of her father.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“You and I are not the same anymore, Dee.”
“Did I do something or—”
“I’m not talking about our relationship. It’s deeper. It’s. . .so much more profound than that.”
“You’re not making sense.”
She was standing by the window. The air coming in was cool and it smelled of the city and the desert that surrounded it. A pair of gunshots drew her attention, and when she looked through the glass she saw grids of darkness overspreading the city.
Dee glanced back at Kiernan, and she’d just opened her mouth to say something, when the lights and the television in their room cut out.
She froze.
Her heart accelerating.
Couldn’t see anything but the flare and fade of Kiernan’s tobacco ember.
Heard him exhale in the dark, and then his voice, all the more terrifying for its evenness.
“You need to get away from me right now,” he said.
“What are you talking about?”
“There’s this part of me, Dee, getting stronger every time I breathe in, that wants to hurt you.”
“Why?”
She heard the covers rip back. The sound of Kiernan rushing across the carpet.
He stopped inches from her.
She smelled the tobacco on his breath, and when she palmed his chest, felt his body shaking.
“What’s happening to you?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t stop it, Dee. Please remember that I love you.”
He put his hands on her bare shoulders, and she thought he was going to kiss her, but then she was flying through darkness across the room.
She crashed into the entertainment center, stunned, her shoulder throbbing from the impact.
Kiernan shouted, “Now get the f**k out while you still can.”
* * * * *
JACK Colclough moved down the hallway, past the kids’ bedrooms, and into the kitchen, where four candles on the granite countertop and two more on the breakfast table made this the brightest room in the house. Dee stood in shadow at the sink, filling another milk jug with water from the tap. The cabinets surrounding her thrown open and vacated, the stovetop cluttered with cans of food that hadn’t seen the light of day in years.
“I can’t find the roadmap,” Jack said.
“You looked under the bed?”
“Yes.”
“Last place I saw it.”
Jack set the flashlight on the counter and stared at his fourteen-year-old daughter, pouting at the breakfast table, her purple-streaked blond hair twirled around her finger.
“Got your clothes together yet?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“Go, Naomi, right now, and help Cole pack, too. I think your brother got distracted.”
“We aren’t really leaving, are we?”
“Get going.”
Naomi pushed back from the table, her chair shrieking against the hardwood floor, and stormed out of the kitchen down the hallway.
“Hey,” he shouted after her.
“Cut her a break,” Dee said. “She’s terrified.”
Jack stood beside his wife.
The night beyond the windowglass was moonless and unmarred by even the faintest pinpricks of light. The city’s second night without power.
“This is the last jug,” Dee said. “Makes eight gallons.”
“That isn’t going to last us very long.”
From the battery-powered radio on the windowsill above the sink, an old woman’s voice replaced the static that had dominated the airwaves for the last six hours. Jack reached over, turned up the volume.