Then I realized that it was true for me too. He had become one of my best friends. On par with Kat.
I also realized that there was no rational excuse for my behavior last night. If a man hinted that he had feelings for you, you thanked him for it, told him you found it flattering, but you really just thought of him as a friend. You let him down gently. You definitely did not reciprocate it.
You did not freak out and storm off and say something you knew would hurt him. There was only one reason that I would have acted that way.
Because I had feelings for him, too.
I’d been unable to sleep last night. And I decided how I felt didn’t matter. Even if Dante imagined himself in love with me, it wouldn’t last. I knew from the start that I had to keep him at arm’s length to keep my heart safe. Now I would have to do it for both of our sakes.
I had to. It was the only way to stay sane.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” I told him, trying my hardest to make it look like I was smiling for real. “You’re one of my best friends too. Sometimes friends fight, but then they get over it.”
Before he could respond, I opened the bathroom door, and nearly ran into the crew who stood there waiting with the camera pointed at us. Taylor approached from the side with her phone. “Lemon, the phone’s for you. It’s Sterling.”
She had done that on purpose, and I didn’t know why. I took the phone, but now the crew stood in the doorway, leaving me nowhere to go.
Dante was gone.
I only had a second to wonder what his disappearing act meant before I walked back into the bathroom. “Hello?”
“My case settled and I only have a light workload this week before the Belmont case ramps up. I finally have a chance to talk. When are you coming home?”
This was what he called me for? “I told you I was staying.”
“You did? When?”
“The last time we talked. You know, when you were a complete and total jerk to me.”
There was a pause. “What? I don’t remember it happening like that.”
How convenient.
“I didn’t even realize you were this upset. Maybe I shouldn’t have said some of the things I did, and I wish I hadn’t. But in my defense, I told you I was busy, and I did text your friend Taylor to say that I was sorry.”
And again, I was comparing. Two men had just apologized to me in the space of five minutes. One had made my heart flutter with his sincerity and promises to do whatever he needed to make it better, and the other was shifting blame to me. One always knew when I was upset, and the other didn’t even realize it. I sat down on the side of the tub and put my forehead in my free hand.
What a mess.
He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that either. I am just screwing everything up. I am trying so hard to do everything right. I was caught up in proving myself to my father.”
Now that was real and understandable. I knew what it was like to get caught up in trying your hardest to prove yourself to your parents.
“Can you forgive me?”
I supposed that depended on what I wanted. Something I had to figure out and decide, once and for all. Nothing had really changed with Dante. To be fair, he had changed and grown in some ways, but it had not altered who he was at his core. He was still a charming womanizer who could make any female weak in the knees and willing to throw her life away for a chance with him. It was why he had been such a perfect choice for this show.
And why it was so easy to get sucked in by him.
“Lemon? Are you still there?”
Did I want to put myself through it? Did I want to walk away from a lifelong friend and partner who planned to build a life with me? The kind of life I truly wanted? Was I really willing to risk everything for something I knew was destined to fail miserably?
“Yes, I can forgive you,” I said. I’d made a commitment to him. A promise I intended to keep. And I needed to be better about not comparing him to an ideal man who didn’t exist. Sterling had his flaws, but I knew him. He was real. I trusted him.
“Are you still my girl?” It was the phrase he’d always used growing up when we made up after a fight.
“I’m still your girl,” I reassured him, and a soft tenderness flooded through me. “I’m glad you called me.”