Striker stares at me and tilts his head. There’s an emotion of recognition on his face, like his suspicions of Noel and me is confirmed. “Pity.”
I open my mouth to apologize, but I shut it quickly. There really isn’t anything to say I’m sorry for. I don’t really know Striker. I shouldn’t have to explain my relationship with Noel to him when I’m still trying to figure it out myself.
After a few seconds, Striker sighs roughly before standing to face Noel. “This one’s a good girl, mate. Treat her right.”
Noel doesn’t answer, just narrows his eyes as he watches Striker walk away, and then turns his attention back to me. “What the hell was that?”
“He was just being nice,” I counter.
“Nice? Kissing your fucking hand is crossing the damn line,” he growls.
I stand and shove my hands on my hips. “Nothing happened!”
He jams his fingers into his hair. “You’re driving me insane. I can’t keep doing this, Lane.”
I stare at him with my mouth open slightly. “Noel…”
“Just stop.” He closes his eyes. “Just stop, okay. You’re ripping my heart out and you don’t even know it.”
“I’m sorry, I just need more time. We don’t have to rush things.”
He grabs me in his arms. “Yes we do. If I don’t have you soon, I’m going to implode. Can’t you see that? I want you to be with me. I can’t stand all these guys coming on to you. The fact that I’m not allowed to do a God damn thing about it because you’re not mine is killing me.”
My heart thumps against my ribs as he holds me tight against his chest. I dip my head down and close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, I just…”
Just what? Don’t love him? Don’t want him? I can’t say that because it would be a lie. I lean my head into his chest and sigh. Aubrey’s right. Noel is crazy about me. More than anything right now I want to tell him how I feel, but I know if I do everything will change.
Am I ready for that?
“Just what, Lane?” his voice rumbles in his chest. “Tell me what you want.”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
Noel sighs then pulls away. I gaze up at him, and he closes his eyes. When he steps back, I grab for his hand, desperate to keep him close, but he moves too quick.
He turns away, and there’s a tug in my heart towards him.
“Wait…” I say, and he stops in his tracks.
“For what? To be led on some more?” he asks with his back still towards me.
When I don’t reply, he shoves his hands in his jean pockets and storms off. Tears blur my vision and I watch him until he disappears around a corner. Why can’t I just bring myself to say fuck the job and go for Noel? I can see how much I’m hurting him, and it can all be fixed if I just tell him I want him, too.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I check my cell phone. The eighth text to Noel since his set ended still goes unanswered. He knows I wanted to leave for my parent’s house as soon as the show was over. No doubt he’s pissed at me for missing the performance, but seeing him so soon after our fight would’ve been too much. I needed to get my head clear and think about what’s important to me.
The last text I send says, I’m leaving without him.
I sigh and grab my overnight bag and step into the night air. Guess I’m going solo. I hop into the red Jetta we rented earlier to make the trip and toss my stuff on the passenger seat. Everything is such a mess, and I don’t understand how it even got this way.
Thirty minutes into my drive, I pull through an all night drive-thru and sit in the parking lot to eat. My eating habits as of late have been less than stellar, so it feels good to eat a carb induced meal.
When I’m about fifteen minutes out from my parent’s house, I call my mom. “Hey, can you leave the door unlocked for me. I’ll be there soon.”
I glance at the clock on the dash. It’s well after midnight.
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll try to wait up for you.”
I smile and tell her I love her.
Right after I end the call, my cell chirps with a text message. My heart stops for a split second as I read Noel’s words.
Meet me on the dock.
He’s there, waiting on me. Emotions flood me, and I don’t realize I’m speeding like a bat out of hell until I glance down at the speedometer. I take a deep breath and try to mentally prepare myself for what I’m going to say to him.
The minute I pull into my parent’s driveway, I exit the car and head down to the dock. It’s really dark out here. I could kick myself for not grabbing the flashlight from the house first, but I’m almost through the wooded area behind my childhood home—it doesn’t make sense to turn back now. I’m too close.
The clock on my cell flashes 12:45am, and I sigh. This is crazy. I can’t believe he came, not to mention he’s waiting at our special spot. When he didn’t answer me earlier, I figured he was out licking shots off a groupie’s stomach or something equally as wild.
Insecurity is one of my biggest downfalls and I know it. It’s the main reason I ended things with Noel. I wanted a secure future, not to struggle day in and day out.
Two steps later I’m at the top of the hill on a path leading down to the lake. The moonlight bounces off the ripples on the water. I forgot how beautiful it is after dark. My eyes strain down at the dock, and they instantly widen.