“Hey, I’ve been thinking about getting up early with you to go running.” Blake filled his insulated coffee cup and snapped the lid on.
“Yeah?” Trevor asked. That would be cool. He liked the idea of having that time with his brother. They worked together, and saw each other at home, but they didn’t hang out. He missed that. He missed not feeling alone.
“I’m not making any promises.” He laughed. “It’s early as hell, but I’ll try. I’ll show you up out there, big brother.”
This time it was Trevor’s turn to laugh. “Keep dreaming, little brother.”
But yeah, he liked the idea. It would give them a chance to really work on getting to know each other again. Before Trevor lost himself, he was always with his brother.
But Blake didn’t get up to run with him the next day, or any day that week. He joked about how he tried every day but the snooze button kept magically pushing itself.
And it made sense to Trevor. Getting up at four-thirty in the morning wasn’t for everyone. But it disappointed him too.
***
In the past month, Simon had become addicted to YouTube. He watched it instead of researching. He watched it instead of writing his book. He watched it instead of doing much of anything, and thanks to Trevor, he was able to watch it on an app on his television.
There were millions of videos out there on heart surgery, interviews with patients and doctors. Experimental procedures. All of it.
He watched and critiqued. Watched and wished like hell it was him.
It gave him something to do.
And if Simon were being honest, he would admit those weren’t the only videos he watched. He’d suddenly become obsessed with cooking shows, of all things. They didn’t help. He burned half of what he made or it tasted like shit, but again, it gave him something to focus on.
He was being ridiculous. There wasn’t a part of Simon in denial about that. There was no reason to keep his distance from Trevor. What had happened (or didn’t happen) really wasn’t a big deal. That single moment in time where the tension between them had spiked and Simon had been unable to let go of Trevor’s hand wasn’t what had driven distance between them, anyway.
It was Heather.
Simon couldn’t get her words out of his head. He’d never done right by her. He had been married to his work more than he ever had been to her.
She was wrong that he needed to move on, though. How could he? Not when he loved something so much. He didn’t need a one-night-stand or to fall in love. He just needed to get back the piece of Simon that made him Simon.
He needed to get back to being Dr. Simon Malone, Cardio-Thoracic Surgeon. It was the only thing he wanted, and getting involved with someone would just make things more difficult.
Only, he wasn’t doing anything to make that happen, either. The truth was, he could try another surgery. If one didn’t work the likelihood of the next wasn’t great, but he could try.
And he was lonely. He’d never felt that until this last year of his life. As much of a prick as it made him, not even when Heather left.
But now, it was even more intensified. That was the why of the cooking. He was lonely, and thinking of why made sweat bead on Simon’s forehead and his chest feel heavy.
He missed something other than just his career. He missed a person.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“It’s Friday. We should all do something. Blake, Trev? You guys in?” Jason ripped out a beam, letting the wood crash to the floor. “I need to get laid.”
“Nice. Gay or straight, men are such pigs,” Andrea called out, and everyone except Trevor laughed. Was Jason mental? In what world was it a good idea for him to ask Trevor to go out with him?
“Come on, Andrea. You love being let in on the male mind. You have three gay men and a straight guy at your disposal all day. Don’t women want to know how we think?” Jason grinned at her.
It was JT who replied. “Hey! Keep me out of this! I’m married.”
Trevor took a sledgehammer and swung, beating holes into a wall he was trying to knock down.
“Sorry about your luck,” Jason teased him before continuing. “What do you guys think? A night out sounds fun, especially for you, you hermit.” He eyed Trevor. “I was kidding about the laid part. We can go catch a movie and have dinner or something.”
Trevor swung the hammer again, flicking a glance over his shoulder in time to see Jason and Blake make eye contact. Ah, so that’s what this was about. His brother had told Jason that Trevor needed out of the house, so Jase was doing Blake’s dirty work for him. “Shut up. Like the two of you want to go have dinner and see a movie with me.” That wasn’t a typical night out. He didn’t want to make it sound like they went out all the time or anything, but he just couldn’t see Jase wanting to hit up a show with them.