He opened the shower door and stepped inside. Undaunted, she followed him in and closed the door behind her. “Diaz, don’t do this.”
He stuck his head in the shower spray, shaking his head so water droplets flew everywhere, then turned to face her. “I think I’ve already done enough.”
“Not enough.”
“Too much. No more, Jess. I already told you I’m not fucking you.” He stepped out of the spray and reached for the soap, giving her room to move into the warm water.
She did, wetting her hair and body down, and taking the soap from his outstretched hand. “Don’t you think we already crossed the threshold? What’s holding you back?”
As he soaped himself, he said, “You don’t want me. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it.”
She was getting irritated with being told what she did and didn’t want. “I think I can choose for myself.”
“Not without knowing me better. You only know what you’ve seen. Not the rest of it.”
She ducked under the spray to rinse her body, then moved so Diaz could do the same. “What rest of it?”
He stepped out of the shower, and she turned it off, grabbing for the towel he held for her as she walked out.
“My father beat my mother every day, Jess. His temper was monstrous. Do you know how angry I get? That kind of temper can only run in my family. I have it. I’ve seen it. Hell, everyone in the Wild Riders has seen it.”
She wrapped the towel around herself, moving toward him, needing to touch him. She put her arms around him, held him for a moment before pulling away to look at him. At least he let her hold him. “I’m sorry for your mother, what she had to go through, Diaz. That must have been awful for her.”
“It was. But that’s not my point.”
“What is?”
“I’m not the kind of guy you need. I’m like a ticking time bomb.”
“Because of your father?”
He nodded.
She smiled, shook her head. “That’s not who you are.”
“You don’t even know me.” He walked out of the bathroom.
She followed. Again.
It was time she explained a few things about herself. She sat on the bed.
“I never knew who my father was. My mother probably didn’t know, either. One of her johns, I would imagine.”
Diaz stilled, turned to her. “I didn’t know. Grange didn’t—”
“Of course he didn’t. He wouldn’t, because he protected me. None of you know anything about me. My mother was a whore and a crack addict. She tried to sell me, to turn me out into the streets in order to make money to get her next fix. When her looks became so bad she couldn’t make money lying on her back anymore, she tried to get me to do it for her so she could get her drugs. Her drugs were more important than I was, Diaz. She would have sold my virginity for a fix.”
Diaz’s eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, shock and fury evident on his face. “Son of a bitch. Wasn’t there anyone to help you?”
She shrugged. “Not really. It wasn’t like she had family who cared. And she only thought of the drugs. As soon as she figured out I was young and pretty and the guys were giving me the eye, she saw dollar signs.”
“Christ, Jessie. Did any of them—”
She shook her head. “No. I was faster, and I was sober. I knew when to get out of the way and I had great hiding places.”
He leaned his head against the wall. “What you had to go through . . .”
She shrugged. “I’m over it. It took a while, but I got past it. As soon as she tried to use me like that I was history.”
“Goddammit, Jessie. I’m sorry.” He came toward her, but she rose and backed away, crossed her arms, hating that she had to dredge up the past.
She narrowed her gaze at him. “Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t pity me. I never did. I survived. So did you. None of us are products of our past, Diaz. We’re survivors. We’re tough. That’s why Grange chose us. I did fine after Mac pulled me off the streets and brought me to the Wild Riders. So did you. So don’t give me that bullshit about you being who your father was. That’s a flimsy excuse for you not wanting to make love to me, and I won’t accept it.”
He stared at her for the longest time, and Jessie couldn’t decide if he wanted to turn tail and run or grab her and hold her. She waited. Then he grabbed clothes, jammed his legs into his pants, and pulled on a T-shirt, then socks and boots, keeping his back to her until he was dressed.
Dressed. Like armor, she thought, crossing her arms over her chest. If he had his clothes on, he could be protected against big, bad Jessie. She’d laugh if it wasn’t so sad.
When he finally turned to her, he had his jacket and his keys in his hand.
“It’s the only excuse I have, Jess. I’m sorry.”
This time when he walked out, she didn’t even try to stop him.
EIGHT
DIAZ WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP HIS HEAD IN THE JOB TODAY, and not on Jessie. He’d made a critical error last night, one he didn’t intend to repeat. He couldn’t blame Jessie for it, either. She might be putting the full press on him, but it was up to him to say no, to back away before things got out of hand. Though how much more out of hand could they get?
This morning he sat and nursed a cup of black coffee while he waited for Spence and Jessie to join him in the hotel restaurant. He’d buzzed Jessie’s cell this morning and notified her they’d have a meeting over breakfast. She seemed fine enough, not angry, said she’d be down shortly.
He hoped like hell Jessie would someday forgive him for what he’d done to her, for leading her on. It could have been worse. He could have fucked her. Granted, her virginity might not be an actual physical thing any longer, but it meant something to him. And obviously, to her. She hadn’t given it to anyone else, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to take it from her. That had catastrophe written all over it. Thankfully he’d come to his senses last night before he’d taken that step, though it had been a close call.
He’d wanted her. To be honest, he still wanted her. Spending the night in Spence’s room hadn’t changed that.
When he’d called Spence’s cell and said he was bunking in his room for the night, Spence told him he was insane. Spence was probably right. But at least Spence had the decency not to ask questions. Diaz wasn’t sure he had good enough answers to explain this mess.
He glanced up at the swoosh of the elevator doors opening. Hotel guests spilled out, lugging their suitcases or laptops. Jessie was at the back of the crowd, dressed in skintight jeans, another body-hugging shirt cut low in front and revealing an ample amount of cleavage. She didn’t smile, her full lips pressed together as she approached. Still, she took his breath away. His cock tightened as he remembered what it was like to touch her, to taste her. He’d only had a sample, and it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
Tough. It was going to have to be, because he’d had all he was going to.
She laid her bag down on the chair. “I’m going for breakfast. Be right back,” she said.
He nodded, taking another long swallow of his coffee and watching her as she filled her tray.
“Can’t take your eyes off her, can you?” Spence asked as he slid into the chair next to Diaz.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Jessie. You. Watching her ass. Practically drooling. I’ll need a raincoat just to eat next to you.”
Diaz turned to Spence and frowned. “Asshole. I am not drooling.”
Spence leaned back in the chair and grinned. “You’re so obvious. It’s really kind of pathetic. You have this lost puppy dog look about you. Does she have a cock ring on you yet, one she can tie the leash to?”
Diaz narrowed his gaze, and lowered his voice. “You really don’t want me beating the shit out of you at this crowded restaurant, Spencer.”
Spencer’s only reply was to snort, then kick back the chair and stand. “Yeah, right. You’re too preoccupied sniffing after pussy to kick anything. I’m going for coffee and something to eat. Why don’t you crawl under the table and look for your balls while I’m gone?”
Diaz would be pissed if he didn’t know Spence so well. It was Spence’s way of teasing him about Jessie, about the two of them having a thing together.
Spence was wrong. Dead wrong. There was nothing going on between them.
Not anymore.
He watched Spence come up behind Jessie and poke her in the ribs. She jumped, jabbed her elbow in Spence’s stomach, then laughed. Spence threw an arm around Jessie and kissed her cheek. The exchange was warm and affectionate. Like brother and sister. Diaz didn’t sense any tension between the two of them.
Nothing at all like when he and Jessie were together. Then there was lots of tension, and it was all sexual.
Just as she’d told him last night, Jessie definitely acted differently with him than she did with the other guys.
His lips curled. He couldn’t help it. Despite knowing it was wrong, the all-male part of him liked the fact that he was special . . . different . . . to her.
She and Spence returned with their food and ate. Diaz had been up for hours so he’d already eaten. He refilled his coffee and listened to the two of them chatter, mainly about Spence and the woman he’d hooked up with, Stephanie.
“Does she know anything?” Diaz asked.
Spence shrugged. “She knew Rex, who’s numero uno tight with Crush. But right now she’s wary. I think Rex dumping her stung a bit. I’m trying not to push her too hard for information. I don’t want to make her suspicious. I’m approaching it as the new guy who’s interested in the girl and not wanting to step on the toes of the ex-boyfriend thing.”
“That’s a good idea,” Jessie suggested. “It’s best if you get to know her gradually, let her think you’re only interested in some fun, not trying to pry secrets out of her.”
“We’re all walking the tightrope with Crush and his gang,” Diaz reminded them. “We can’t be too careful about what we do or say. The last thing we want to do is blow this.”
“I’m just letting her think I’m after her body,” Spence said with a grin.
Jessie rolled her eyes. “That shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for you, should it?”
“Just like normal.”
“While you’re out there being yourself with Stephanie, see if you can get some information. We are on assignment here.”
Spence nodded at him. “Yeah. I’ll do that. See if you and Jessie can take your eyes off each other long enough to remember that, too.”
Jessie went crimson and stared down at her plate. Diaz glared at Spence, who cracked an innocent smile. Diaz would like nothing more right now than to wipe the floor with him.
As soon as this assignment was over . . . it would be payback time. Diaz and Spence would be working out together in the gym. The boxing ring. And then he’d get his revenge.
Spence knew what was coming, too, because his smile turned into a wide grin and he nodded. “Anytime, pal.”
Good thing they were friends or they might possibly kill each other.
“There’s way too much testosterone at the table this morning,” Jessie said, grabbing her tray. “I need to go upstairs, grab my gear for the day. I’ll meet you two down here in a few.”
Diaz nodded and watched her leave. As soon as the elevators closed, he turned to Spence. “Knock it off.”
“Knock what off?”
“The teasing about Jessie.”
“Why? It doesn’t seem to bother her. Only you. And why is that?”
Diaz clammed up.
“You’re tense, man,” Spence said. “You and I have done this before, this verbal sparring. It’s never gotten to you like this.”