“How have you been?” he finally asks in a soft voice.
I keep my eyes fixed ahead. “Good. You?”
“Same.”
We lapse back into that horrible silence. It’s heartbreaking being in such an uncomfortable silence with him. From the moment I met Carrick, finding something to talk about was never an issue for us.
Just everything else it seems.
I hear a noise behind us. Glancing over my shoulder, hoping it’s not the pop princess, I see a man. It’s the same man, I now remember, who was lingering outside the bar we were in. I also remember seeing him hovering nearby when Carrick first caught up with me. I just didn’t register it in my anger.
I only noticed him before because he’s such a big guy, and now, in the darkness of the harbor, he looks even bigger and a little menacing. He’s walking way too close to us for my liking.
“Carrick…” I hiss. “I know this might sound a little crazy, but I think we’re being followed.” I jerk my head back in the direction of the huge dude.
Carrick looks back and chuckles. “Don’t worry. He’s my security. Dad assigned me a guard while I’m here. You know, it being Monte Carlo, race crazy, and with me being—”
“You.” I smile.
“Yeah.” He laughs again. “And with the press attention being a little more intense because of Sienna—” He cuts off.
The lightness that I was just feeling is obliterated.
He lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry about the way she spoke to you.”
“It’s not your fault.” I shrug. She’s a stark raving bitch all on her own.
“Yeah, but she’s here with me. And she had no right speaking to you the way she did. It won’t happen again.”
I don’t care how she spoke to me. I just care that she’s here with you. I hate that she’s here with you.
Of course, I don’t say that. I just shrug again and say, “It doesn’t matter.”
“When it comes to you, everything matters.”
His words knock the air from my lungs.
I want to know what that means. And I don’t.
God, I’m so screwed up.
Dipping my chin, I stare down at my moving feet. “How long have you known her?”
“Not long.”
At least he didn’t know her before he slept with me. Still, I don’t know whether to feel better or worse at that fact.
“I met her after I got back to the UK.”
When you left Barcelona and me behind. “Right.”
“I didn’t invite her here.”
“Mmhmm.”
“She just kind of invited herself, and Dad was there when she said something about coming. He thought the press she would bring would be positive—you know, with me actually being with just one woman for once.”
He laughs, and it’s an uncomfortable sound. I really don’t like it or any of what he’s telling me.
“And…I guess I just went along with it.”
I stare at him blankly. “Why are you telling me this?”
He blows out a breath, pushing his hands into his jean pockets. “I don’t know.” He lifts his shoulders, looking helpless.
We’ve reached the main road now, and luck is on my side because I see a cab with its light on approaching. I put my hand out to flag it down.
The cab pulls up, and I reach for the door handle, but I pause.
For the past two weeks, I’ve wanted to apologize to Carrick for what I said to him, and this might be the only chance I have.
My heart starts to beat in my chest, my fingers trembling, as I turn back to him. “Carrick…what I said in Barcelona about my job and Amy and Charlotte, I shouldn’t have said it. It was a shitty thing to say.”
“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”
“Well, still…I am sorry.” I let out a light sigh. “The worst thing is, I don’t know why I said it because that wasn’t what was at the forefront of my mind at that moment.” Not losing you was.
Gripping the handle, I stop myself from saying any more. No matter what, I don’t think anything I can say will get us back to where we were before that night.
“Anyway, thanks for walking me. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I climb in the cab, closing the door behind me, leaving Carrick where he is standing on the street.
BECAUSE I’VE BEEN AVOIDING CARRICK and his pop princess, I didn’t go out on Friday night even though Petra had begged me to. I stood fast and stayed at the hotel with room service and Jason Bourne for company. I was in the mood for a kick-arse movie.
As it turns out, it was a good job I hadn’t gone out because Carrick and the pop princess were there. Petra has taken a real dislike to Sienna purely because of the way she’d treated me. But Petra did say Sienna had been fine with her—a bit snooty, but nothing how she had been with me.
Seems like her ultimate bitch is reserved solely for me. Or maybe she heeded what Carrick had said to her.
Petra did tell me that Carrick had barely spoken to Sienna all night, preferring to drink with the boys. She also said he’d pulled her aside and asked where I was. She said he’d looked disappointed when she told him that I wasn’t coming out. She made some white lie up for me, saying I was just feeling a little unwell, so he wouldn’t think I hadn’t gone out because of him.
See? This is why I love this girl.
I didn’t see Carrick much yesterday. I kept busy with work, and I didn’t see him until it was time to come down for qualifying. I did wish him luck as I handed him his helmet. But that was the extent of our contact.