“She didn’t want to let me go and I didn’t want her to let me go. We loved each other and she was my everything. But I was stuck here. She didn’t want to stay in Wyoming. She loved me but hated my life and the responsibilities that came with it. She wanted me but not the responsibilities and obligations that came with me. I would have given up anything and everything to make her happy, but she wanted me to give up the one thing I couldn’t.” There was no bitterness in his tone just sad acceptance of the fact that sometimes love wasn’t enough to keep two people together no matter how much they truly cared for one another.
It sounded like the worst rock and the hardest place ever to be caught between. When it was a fight between love and loyalty there never really ended up being a winner.
“Didn’t she know who you were and where you came from before she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you?” Cy didn’t strike me as the bait and switch type. I couldn’t exactly nail down what he was, not a cowboy and not a suit for sure, but who he was as a man had been crystal clear from the very start. A man who took care of his family and protected those who mattered to him.
Cy turned around so he was once again facing the trail up ahead of us. His deep voice easily carried to me as he snorted and then replied, “I told you I met her in college. I went away for school. They were the only four years I spent away from the ranch and away from my family. I came back during breaks with friends, but that wasn’t the same as working a breeding season or getting the herd ready for auction. It wasn’t the same as all of us busting our asses together to make it through the winter.” I saw him shift in the saddle and watched as he ran a hand over his meticulously styled hair. “I never wanted to stay in Wyoming. When I was growing up, I resented the hell out of the isolation and the hard work. All I wanted to do was get laid and have a good time like every other teenager in America.I never got the opportunity and it pissed me off. I was always a solid student and scored high on all my college placement tests. I wrote a sob story entrance essay about my mom leaving us when we were young and how hard our life on the ranch had been, which got me into Boston University. I jumped at the chance to get as far away from home as I could. I felt guilty as hell, leaving Dad alone with Lane and Sutton, but I had to take a shot and see what the rest of the world was like. I was looking for the greener grass and had a shit attitude about it.”
“Boston is beautiful.” It was one of my favorite big cities on the East Coast but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t picture him wandering the narrow streets and blending into the urban sprawl, not even a younger, more naïve version of him.
“It is beautiful, and so was Selah. I stopped in my tracks when I first saw her. I met her freshman year and wasted no time claiming her heart and her time as mine. She was a sweet girl from the middle of nowhere Colorado, so we connected instantly. Neither one of us ever thought we were going back to small town living and spent many nights together planning a grand, adventurous life together. We were engaged by junior year and I marched her down the aisle not even a month after graduation. We were young and stupid in love . . . stupid being the key word.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder and I saw his mouth was pulled in a line so tight it looked like his entire face might shatter from the tension in it. “My dad brought the boys to the wedding and I noticed he didn’t look so great. I didn’t come home much during school, partly on purpose because I think I knew if I left the city, the chances of me making it back were slim to none. I liked the city, but it was never home and there was no greener grass to be found. My favorite part of Boston was Selah. I was arrogant enough to believe that we would be happy wherever we were, as long as we were together.”
My heart tripped over itself at his words. “That doesn’t sound arrogant. It sounds romantic and sweet.” I knew I could desire him and turn into a quivering mass of greedy want and need for him. I was amazed that I could actually like him and admire him as well. His tough outer shell hid a lot of really delicious and decadent things on the inside. It made me wonder if we had more in common than I originally thought.
Cy made a noise low in his throat which had Boss jerking his head at the sound. I reached down to run my fingers through my steed’s midnight mane and to settle us both.
“I was idiotic and short-sighted. I should have known what was waiting for me, considering I watched my mother flit in and out of my life whenever she decided life in Wyoming was too stale and too hard. Dad was sick, had been sick for a couple of years, and didn’t want me to know. I wanted to experience life away from the ranch and he knew the instant I found out how sick he was, how dire the situation back home was, I would head back no questions asked. That’s exactly what I did. Only I came back with a wife who had no desire to be there.” He put a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed like it would release the chains of tension that were linked there.
“Selah did her best. At first, she tried to help out and find her place, but she was never happy, and the sicker dad got, the deeper I dug in so she knew there was going to be no persuading me to leave. My brothers were getting older but they still needed someone to take care of them. By that time, Brynn lived with us as well and needed someone to look out for her. There were too many people relying on me, but the one who mattered the most, I was helpless to do anything for.”
I wanted to give him a hug because it sounded like an impossible situation to be caught in. Love was often about sacrifice; I knew this because my grandparents had given up a lot when they took me in, but they never complained about it and always made sure I had had every opportunity to succeed.