The next morning Nekhludoff awoke, conscious that something had
happened to him, and even before he had remembered what it was he
knew it to be something important and good.
"Katusha--the trial!" Yes, he must stop lying and tell the whole
truth.
By a strange coincidence on that very morning he received the
long-expected letter from Mary Vasilievna, the wife of the
Marechal de Noblesse, the very letter he particularly needed.
She gave him full freedom, and wished him happiness in his
intended marriage.
"Marriage!" he repeated with irony. "How far I am from all that
at present."
And he remembered the plans he had formed the day before, to tell
the husband everything, to make a clean breast of it, and express
his readiness to give him any kind of satisfaction. But this
morning this did not seem so easy as the day before. And, then,
also, why make a man unhappy by telling him what he does not
know? Yes, if he came and asked, he would tell him all, but to go
purposely and tell--no! that was unnecessary.
And telling the whole truth to Missy seemed just as difficult
this morning. Again, he could not begin to speak without offence.
As in many worldly affairs, something had to remain unexpressed.
Only one thing he decided on, i.e., not to visit there, and to
tell the truth if asked.
But in connection with Katusha, nothing was to remain unspoken.
"I shall go to the prison and shall tell her every thing, and ask
her to forgive me. And if need be--yes, if need be, I shall marry
her," he thought.
This idea, that he was ready to sacrifice all on moral grounds,
and marry her, again made him feel very tender towards himself.
Concerning money matters he resolved this morning to arrange them
in accord with his conviction, that the holding of landed
property was unlawful. Even if he should not be strong enough to
give up everything, he would still do what he could, not
deceiving himself or others.
It was long since he had met the coming day with so much energy.
When Agraphena Petrovna came in, he told her, with more firmness
than he thought himself capable of, that he no longer needed this
lodging nor her services. There had been a tacit understanding
that he was keeping up so large and expensive an establishment
because he was thinking of getting married. The giving up of the
house had, therefore, a special meaning. Agraphena Petrovna
looked at him in surprise.
"I thank you very much, Agraphena Petrovna, for all your care for
me, but I no longer require so large a house nor so many
servants. If you wish to help me, be so good as to settle about
the things, put them away as it used to be done during mamma's
life, and when Natasha comes she will see to everything." Natasha
was Nekhludoff's sister.