“Oh, hell,” he says, then sits back down on the side of the bed. He hooks a finger under my chin and makes me look at him. “Do you really believe I killed her?”
“No.” The word comes out quickly and firmly and it’s completely true. A tear rolls down my cheek. “Damien, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh.” He brushes my tears away. “It’s okay. You’re right. I didn’t kill her. I wasn’t even there that night. I was in San Diego. Charles finally got images from the hotel’s security camera. I was in the bar most of the night talking with the owner of a company I was interested in acquiring. That’s why he was so pissed that I settled. We had what we needed to shut Eric down, and I went and paid him off.”
I sit up straighter. “I don’t understand, either. Why would you—”
“Two reasons. Maybe I wasn’t there, but dammit, I should have shut it down with Sara long before it got out of control. I wanted her interest in the company, and I got it. I bought out some other shareholders, too, which gave me a controlling interest. I edged Eric out and I put people in place who could get the company running again. Turned a tidy profit quite quickly and the value of everyone’s stock increased, Eric’s included.”
I watch him, not sure where this is leading.
“And during all of this I was seeing Sara. I don’t usually date, and I didn’t love her. But I was busy and she was convenient and more than willing to indulge me in bed. She clung to me and though I didn’t admit it to myself at the time, I started to see signs that she was unbalanced. I knew I needed to break it off, but I was focused on some time-sensitive mergers, and I just let it ride. After the deal was complete, I did end it. But that just pushed her off the deep end.” He drags his fingers through his hair. “I never expected her to kill herself—and I would never choke a woman in bed—but that doesn’t change the fact that I played a role.”
“But it wasn’t your fault,” I say. “And Eric’s making horrible accusations. Why would you pay that bastard off?”
“Because of you.”
I gape at him. “What?”
“I was willing to fight him until the end of time if I had to. But that was before he approached you at the fund-raiser. I’m not letting him drag you into this, and I’m damn sure not letting him scare you.”
I hug myself as goose bumps rise on my arms. I’m in shock; I’m humbled. Damien completely rearranged his plans because of his concern for me. “I—but, Damien. Twelve million dollars?”
“It’s the current value of the stock I acquired from Sara, plus the value of Eric’s stock. I bought him out. A damn good deal, too. The company’s strong. I’ll make it back.”
“You didn’t have to. I can fight my own battles.”
He meets my eyes, and what I see in his is so much more than simple desire. It’s need and longing. Maybe it’s even love. “You can,” he says simply. “But this wasn’t your battle to fight.”
He takes my hand. “Nikki, baby, I can’t lose you.”
I want to fold myself in his arms, but instead I turn away. “There’s other stuff, Damien.”
“I know,” he says, and I turn back, surprised.
“You know?”
“Jamie told me. Apparently Ollie told her.”
“Ollie?” Shit.
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything to Charles. Whatever confidences he betrayed, he did it for you. The bastard may have pissed me off, but I understand why he did it. I would have done the same.”
“You had Kurt fired,” I say.
“Hell yes, I did.”
“Damien, you can’t just do that to people.”
“Actually, I can. He worked for one of my companies.”
“But—” I cut myself off. The truth is I don’t give a fuck what happens to Kurt, and the fact that Damien had his sorry ass fired doesn’t really bother me. Not by itself, anyway. It’s the rest of it.
“Nikki?” He’s looking at me, his face open and vulnerable.
I reach out and stroke his cheek, the stubble of his beard scratching over my palm. The air between us is thick, and just touching him makes me feel alive. He’s like a part of me, I think. Hell, he’s like the air I need to breathe. And I need him. I need all of him. But I’m not as certain that he really needs me. “You’re wrong about what you said. About me.”
“What did I say?”
“You said I wasn’t weak.” I run a hand over my hair. “I am.”
“Oh, baby, come here.” I slide into his arms, and it feels like coming home. I press my head to his chest and listen to the rhythm of his heart. “Everyone breaks a little sometimes. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wounded. And I will always be there to help you heal.”
I release a shuddering breath as I pull back enough to look into his face. I can’t imagine Damien breaking, but somehow I know that he’s speaking from experience. Everyone breaks.
“Nikki,” he says. “Baby, are we okay?”
I think about what my mother said about what I was throwing away, and I wonder if she’s right. For the first time in my life, can my mother actually have something to offer me?
I close my eyes, because I don’t want her in my head. When I open them again, I see only Damien. “I want to make this work,” I whisper, and the relief that I see in his eyes washes over me like a balm. “Is Jamie here?” I ask, because suddenly I’m thinking about the thin walls of the condo.
I see the hint of a frown. “No.” He clears his throat.
I narrow my eyes, confused. “What?”
“This may not be the best time, but I have a confession.”
I tilt my head and wait.
“Jamie’s going to be getting a call from her agent soon.”
“And you know this how?”
“Because it’s for a series of national commercials. For a company I have an interest in.” He’s speaking gingerly, eyeing me as if he’s afraid I’ll explode.
“You did that for her?”
“For the company, actually. The ad agency presented us with three possible actresses and Jamie was the best of the bunch.”
My smile stretches wide across my face.
Damien looks at me, baffled. “Why is that okay, but helping you get the job at Innovative wasn’t?”