"What do you need?" "A date for Shawna.
Uh .
not really a date.
Shawna's got a man, but he's out of the country.
It'd just be better if we made it an even party of four."
"You don't want to ask Cary?" "I thought of him first, but Shawna's my friend.
I thought you might want someone you know to come.
You know, keep the dynamic even."
"All right.
I'll see who's free."
I realized then that I hadn't really expected him to take me up on my offer.
Some of my thoughts must have shown on my face, because he asked, "Is there more?" "I ."
How did I say what I was thinking without making an ass of myself? I shook my head.
"No.
Nothing."
"Eva."
His voice was stern.
"Tell me."
"It's stupid."
"That wasn't a request."
An electric tingle coursed through me, as it always did when he took on that commanding tone.
"I just thought you socialized for business and screwed random women occasionally."
Saying that last part was hard.
As lame as it was to be jealous of women in his past, I couldn't help it.
"You didn't think I had friends?" he asked, clearly amused.
"You've never introduced me to any," I said sullenly, picking at the hem of my T-shirt.
"Ah ."
His amusement deepened, his eyes sparkling with laughter.
"You're my sexy little secret.
Have to wonder what I was thinking when I made sure we were photographed kissing in public."
"Well."
My gaze moved to the collage on the wall where that very picture could be found, a picture that had been plastered all over gossip blogs for days.
"When you put it like that ."
Gideon laughed, and the sound spread through me in a heated rush of pleasure.
"I've introduced you to a few of my friends when we've been out."
"Oh."
I'd assumed everyone I had met at the events we'd attended were business associates.
"But keeping you all to myself isn't a bad idea."
I shot him a look and revisited the point I'd made when we argued about my going to Vegas instead of Phoenix.
"Why can't you be the one lying around naked waiting to be fucked?" "Where's the fun in that?" I shoved at his shoulders and he hauled me into his lap, laughing.
I couldn't believe how good his mood was and wondered what had set it off.
When I glanced at his monitor, all I saw was a spreadsheet that made my eyes cross and a half-written e-mail.
But something was different about him.
And I liked it.
"It'd be a pleasure," he murmured, with his lips to my throat, "to lie around with a hard-on that you rode whenever the mood struck you."
My sex clenched at the visual in my mind.
"You're making me horny."
"Good.
I like you that way."
"So," I mused, "if my fantasy is you providing around-the-clock stud servicing - " "Sounds like reality to me."
I nipped him on the jaw with my teeth.
He growled.
"Want to play rough, angel?" "I want to know what your fantasy is."
Gideon adjusted me so that I was draped across his lap.
"You."
"It better be."
He grinned.
"In a swing."
"Huh?" "A sex swing, Eva.
Your gorgeous ass in a seat, feet in stirrups, legs spread wide, your perfect cunt wet and waiting."
He rubbed seductive circles into the small of my back.
"Totally at my mercy and unable to do anything but take all the cum I can give you.
You'd love it."
I pictured him standing between my legs, naked and glistening with sweat, his biceps and pecs flexing as he rocked me back and forth, sliding me on and off his beautiful cock.
"You want me helpless."
"I want you bound.
And not on the outside.
I'm working my way in."
"Gideon - " "I won't ever take it further than you can handle," he promised, his eyes glittering hotly in the muted lighting.
"But I'll take you to the edge."
I squirmed, both aroused and disturbed by the thought of giving up that much control.
"Why?" "Because you want to be mine and I want to possess you.
We'll get there."
His hand slid under my shirt and cupped my breast, his fingers rolling and tugging my nipple, igniting my body.
"Have you done that before?" I asked breathlessly.
"The swing?" His face shuttered.
"Don't ask questions like that."
Oh God.
"I just - " His mouth sealed over mine.
He nipped my lower lip, then thrust his tongue into my mouth, holding me where he wanted me with his fist in my hair.
The dominance of the act was undeniable.
Hunger surged through me, a need for him I couldn't control or fight.
I whimpered, my chest aching at the thought of him putting that much time and effort into gaining pleasure from someone else.
Gideon's hand shoved between my legs and cupped my sex.
I jerked, surprised at his aggression.
He made a low sound of reassurance and massaged me, rubbing my tender flesh with the consummate skill I'd grown so addicted to.
He broke the kiss, moving his arm to arch my back and lift my breast to his mouth.
He bit my nipple through the cotton, then wrapped his lips around the aching peak, sucking so strongly I felt the echo in my core.
I was under siege, my brain short- circuiting as desire pumped through me.
His fingers slid beneath the edge of my panties to touch my clit, the feel of flesh on flesh just what I needed.
"Gideon."
He lifted his head and watched with dark eyes as he made me come for him.
I cried out when the tremors rippled through me, the release of tension after days of deprivation almost too much to bear.
But he didn't let up.
He stroked my sex until I came again, until violent shivers racked my body and I squeezed my legs shut to stop the onslaught.
When he pulled his hand away, I sagged, boneless and breathing heavily.
I curled into him, my face pressed into his throat, my arms wrapping around his neck.
My heart felt as if it had swelled in my chest.
Everything I felt for him, all the torment and love, overwhelmed me.
I clawed at him, trying to get closer.
"Shh."
He held me tighter, squeezing me until it was hard to breathe.
"You're questioning everything and driving yourself crazy."
"I hate this," I whispered.
"I shouldn't need you this much.
It's not healthy."
"That's where you're wrong."
His heart beat strongly beneath my ear.
"And I take responsibility for that.
I've taken the lead with some things and given it to you with others.
That's left you confused and worried.
I'm sorry about that, angel.
It'll be easier moving forward."
I leaned back so I could search his face.
My breath caught when our eyes met and he stared back at me unflinchingly.
I comprehended the difference then - there was a calm, solid serenity about him.
Seeing that settled something inside me, too.
My breathing slowed and evened; my anxiety lessened.
"That's better."
He kissed my forehead.
"I was going to wait until the weekend to talk about this, but now works.
We're going to come to an agreement.
Once it's met, there's no turning back.
Understand?" I swallowed hard.
"I'm trying."
"You know the way I am.
You've seen me at my worst.
Last night, you said you want me anyway."
He waited for my nod.
"That's where I fucked up.
I didn't trust you to make that decision for yourself and I should have.
Because I didn't, I've been too cautious.
Your past scares me, Eva."
The thought of Nathan indirectly taking Gideon away from me was so painful, my knees drew even closer into my chest.
"Don't give him that power."
"I won't.
And you have to realize there's more than one answer for everything.
Who says you need me too much? Who says it's not healthy? Not you.
You're unhappy because you're holding yourself back."
"Men don't - " "Fuck that.
Neither of us is typical.
And that's okay.
Turn off that voice in your head that's screwing you up.
Trust me to know what you need, even when you think I'm wrong.
And I'll trust your decision to be with me despite my faults.
Got it?" I bit my lower lip to hide its trembling and nodded.
"You don't look convinced," he said softly.
"I'm afraid I'll lose myself in you, Gideon.
I'm scared I'll lose the part of me I worked so hard to get back."
"I'd never let that happen," he promised fiercely.
"What I want is for us both to feel safe.
What you and I have together shouldn't be draining us like this.
It should be the one rock- solid thing we both count on."
My eyes stung with tears at the thought.
"I want that," I whispered.
"So much."
"I'm going to give it to you, angel."
Gideon bent his dark head and brushed his lips over mine.
"I'm going to give it to both of us.
And you're going to let me."
* * *
"Things seem to be looking better this week," Dr.
Petersen said when Gideon and I arrived for our Thursday night therapy appointment.
We sat near each other this time, with our hands clasped together.