While part of me was horrified at the thought, the other part relished the truth of the battle scars which adorned my body. Soldiers and police officers often were injured in the line of duty, and they wore their scars with pride. In a small way, mine would also be a testament to what I had been through and ultimately survived.
It was the small incision on my abdomen that caused the greatest emotional pain. It would be the one I couldn’t wear with pride. It would be a constant reminder of my physical shortcomings. While deep down I clung to the hope that I would someday be a mother, there was no gray area when it came to me experiencing pregnancy.
As a fresh wave of grief washed over me, I leaned back against the shower wall and thought about how I found myself now in a strange, otherworldly place. A place born of living three lifetimes in less than three months. There had been the Annabel I was before the kidnapping, the Annabel I was during my enslavement in Mexico, and the Annabel I would be now. And who was she?
After living such a controlled life both under my parents’ thumb and in captivity, I found myself alarmed at the thought of what tomorrow might bring. Questions of how to proceed with my life inundated my brain at almost warp speed. Once I started down that train of thought, I didn’t know how to stop it. I knew I was supposed to take only one day at a time as I recovered, even as little as one step, but I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen now.
A gentle knock came at the door. “Annabel? Are you okay?” Rev asked.
Realizing I must’ve been in the shower longer than I’d intended, I quickly turned off the water. “Yes, I’m fine,” I called.
After I toweled off, I realized I was too tired to dry my hair, so I combed it out and left it wet. I slipped into another hospital gown and what were apparently the post-op granny panties I was mandated to wear. When I came out of the bathroom, I found that only Rev remained. I wasn’t sure where Dr. Edgeway or Rev’s brother had gone.
“Hi,” I said softly.
He glanced up from the book he was reading. “Hello. Feeling okay?”
I nodded. “Much better now. Little tired.”
“I was worried about that. You need to get some rest.”
With a yawn, I replied, “I plan on it.” When I eased into the bed, Rev stood up to help pull the sheet and blanket over me. “Thanks.”
My head had barely touched the pillow when I fell into a deep sleep. I awoke to the unappetizing aroma of the dinner trays being brought around. I had always heard the jokes about American hospital food, but if there was anything worse, it had to be Mexican hospital food.
When I glanced over to where I had last seen Rev, he was still sitting in the chair beside the bed, watching TV. “Hey,” I said.
He turned his head to grin at me. “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. I was wondering when you might wake up.”
His term of endearment made me smile. “I can’t believe how long I slept,” I said as I pushed myself into a sitting position.
“You needed it.”
An aide appeared with my food and set it down without a smile. “Gracias,” I murmured as she turned to leave. I opened the lid and then quickly shut it.
“You need to eat,” Rev urged, when I pushed the tray away.
“I’d like to see you try that.”
With a smile, he rose from his chair. He took the lid off my tray and then picked up a fork. He cut a piece of the pale, overbaked chicken cutlet. After he took a bite, his expression soured, and he quickly turned to spit the food into the trash can.
“That’s horrible.”
“I tried to tell you.”
“I’ll call Bishop and ask him to bring us some food that’s a little more appetizing.”
I smiled at him. “That sounds like a plan.”
After Rev made the call, he didn’t put his phone away. Instead, he kept looking at it and then at me. The expression on his face told me he was apprehensive about something. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Are you sure? You look funny.”
A teasing smile played on his lips. “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say.”
I laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that. You look like something’s bothering you. Like you need to tell me something you really don’t want to.”
Rev’s smile faded. “You’re very perceptive. You’re being discharged in the morning, so we’ll be leaving for El Paso.” Then he proceeded to tell me the plans that I assumed Breakneck and he had made earlier. “But before we leave, I need you to talk to your parents.”
My stomach churned at the prospect. “I tried to kill myself earlier today. Must I endure that as well?” I said, knowing I sounded bitter.
He stared at me, his dark brows furrowed. I could tell the wheels were spinning in his head about what kind of heartless girl I must be not to want to put my worried parents’ minds at ease. In the vast scheme of things, it didn’t matter what he thought of me, but at the same time, I couldn’t bear to have someone as good and kindhearted as he was thinking I was a bad person.
“Rev, I’m sure this all seems strange to you, but just like I don’t understand the world you come from, you don’t understand mine, either.”
His expression softened a little. “Trust me, I get that people have fucked-up families. But no matter what happened before with them, they have a right to know.”
Nibbling my lip between my teeth, I contemplated his response. I finally relented. “What if you called them?”