“Phoenix!” a familiar voice called happily. “Thank God. You came, you sexy bitch.”
I glanced to my left, following the direction of the words. My friend, Jamie Welsh, was approaching, her black curls bouncing on her shoulders. She smiled, her expression as happy as her tone. The firelight flickered over her heavily painted face and illuminated her black syn-leather dress and knee-high boots.
“I couldn't stay away,” I admitted.
Jamie threw her arm around my shoulders and clinked our beers together. “You left Chateau Insano two weeks ago, but this is the first I've seen you outside of class. What's that about?”
Chateau Insano. Our name for rehab. It fit. I had gone crazy for a while, hitting the walls, screaming, destroying any piece of furniture—or person—I could get my hands on, all in an attempt to fight my way free.
“My mom's become my warden,” I said, the words dripping with self-deprecation. “I spend most of my time at home now.”
“Poor baby,” she said, sympathetic. “Thank God you escaped tonight, though.” She drained the rest of her beer and tossed the glass onto the ground. “It's gonna get freaky!”
I tapped my foot to the beat of the music, trying to cut off a groan. “Something going down?”
“Just the usual. You know, all the things our parents hate. As if they didn't do the same things when they were young.”
I couldn't picture my mom doing anything wild, not now, not ever. She was so…starched. Not just her appearance: unwrinkled clothing and pale, slicked-back hair. But her personality. If she wasn't working, she was cleaning the house, not giving a single speck of dust time to settle. She never drank, never seemed to have a moment of relaxation.
Pacing, worrying, those were her favorite pastimes. Because of me, I thought, a little sad.
“Hey,” Jamie said, drawing my attention. “You're all stiff. You, like, need to lighten up. Have you seen Allison Stone's brother? That'll help you for sure.”
“No.” I hadn't even known Allison had a brother. In fact, I'd thought Allison had moved away a year ago. “Allison's here?”
“Yeah, but forget Allison. Allison Smallison, we want to talk about her brother. He graduated a few years ago, before you moved here, then joined the military. The few, the proud, or some other shit,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I don't think you two ever met.”
“We didn't.”
“You'll hate yourself for that when you see him.” As she spoke, Jamie withdrew a small, plastic vial from the hidden, zippered pouch on the side of her boot. Druggies always had ways to hide their stash. “I've kept an eye out for him all these years, but he rarely comes home. Until now,” she added with a wicked smile. “He's finally here.”
I almost groaned again when I spotted the vial. Onadyn, or “Breathless,” the liquid form of the drug. Stronger than powder, more potent than pills. Ten thousand times better than Snow Angels. You didn't just fly to the stars with Breathless, you became one.
For a little while, at least, I reminded myself, but I was unable to tear my gaze from the vial. My hand shook with the desire to reach out and snatch it. I could drain it before Jamie even realized what I'd done.
When you crash, you crash hard, Phoenix. You don't need that right now. After Breathless, a person burned and ached and dreamed of their next hit. They would kill for it. Steal for it.
But it's so damn good. One more time couldn't possibly hurt me.
Jamie uncorked the top. She drained half and offered the rest to me. I continued to stare at the clear, swirling liquid for a moment, hungry, so hungry. Tremors raked me. I'll end up back in rehab. I'll hurt my mom again. Everything I've gained will be lost.
“Want a sip?” she asked.
Finally, I gathered my wits and shook my head. “No thanks.”
She frowned and pushed the bottle closer to me, right under my nose. “Your mom won't know.”
I experienced a flicker of irritation—and need. She was right. Mom would never have to know. I could—I ground my teeth together. No. Stop! I wasn't like that. Not anymore. “No thanks,” I repeated firmly.
Undeterred, she waved the bottle back and forth. The clear liquid swished back and forth, nearly hypnotizing me. For some, Onadyn held a faint dewy scent. For others, for most actually, it was scentless. How I wished it was scentless to me. My mouth watered.
“You absolutely positively sure?” she asked.
No. “Yes.” I turned my face away.
Jamie shrugged and downed the rest.
I released a sigh of…relief, I hope.
The vial joined the beer bottle on the ground, and they rolled together. Damn. I looked again. “You have got to see him,” Jamie said.
My brows furrowed in confusion. “Who?”
“Ryan Stone, silly. Allison's brother. Why he came, I don't know and I don't care. I'm just glad he's here.” Her face scrunched. “I don't know why his sister came, either. Her, I do care about. I wish she'd have stayed home, the snobby bitch.”
Allison had never partied with us. She'd been one of those goody-goodies who made life appear easy. She'd practically floated down the halls, a golden halo on her head, angel wings on her back. Everyone (but us) had loved her.
“Remember how she used to glare at us with disgust during class?” Jamie asked. “I wanted to scratch her eyes out.”
Yeah, I remembered. I'd been happy to see her leave. “Tell me again what's so special about Ryan. With a sister like his, he can't be all that great.”
Jamie giggled, her voice a little hoarse and a lot shallow as her oxygen levels dropped. “Wait till you see him. He's beyond doable. He's—” She looked past the bonfire and frowned. “Where'd he go? If he's making out with—wait. There,” she said, pointing. “Yum yum.”
My gaze followed the direction of her finger, but I only saw kids I knew. A few were still standing. Most were collapsed on the ground, strung out and staring up at the black velvet sky, flying high. “I don't see him.”
Jamie stumbled forward, chuckled, and righted herself. She latched onto my wrist, tugging me close. “Look there.”
Curiosity intensifying, I searched again—and this time, I saw him. I knew it was him and didn't need it confirmed. Dear God. My mouth fell open and warm tingles immediately spread over my skin. He had brown hair, yet there appeared to be strands of gold in the firelight. And even from the distance, I could see that his eyes were bright blue, crystalline, more breathtaking than Onadyn.