Now I knew the truth of my past.
I just had to prove it, I had to keep what I knew to myself until I could lay it all on the table, could lay out the evidence and the players so there would be no denying it. I swallowed hard and shook my head again.
Granite frowned at me. “Nothing?”
Ash cleared his throat. “You don’t go into a killing rage for nothing. We all have our secrets, but unless you actually pass the testing and manage to become an Ender, you don’t get that privilege. Especially if you’re trying to kill another Ender.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker of green light dance along Granite’s fingers on his right hand, seconds before the ground shifted under our feet, smoothing away the training area. “Ash, leave it be. We’re done for the day.”
It was only then I realized every single Ender available had been watching, and of course, all the recruits too. They’d all heard me melt down, all seen me fight and lose to Ash. Humiliation burned hot along my skin and it took everything I had not to look down, to keep my eyes up. I would not be ashamed.
More than one Ender narrowed their eyes when I looked their way.
“I said,” Granite growled, “we’re done for the day. Except for you, Lark. You stay here with me.”
After another weighted hesitation, they all cleared out, though there was more than one curious look thrown over a shoulder at me. Curious and suspicious. The big room was quiet and I stood, waiting. Would I get kicked out for attacking Ash?
“You going to tell me what that was all about?”
“No.”
“Larkspur, come with me.” Granite beckoned me with his right hand, fingertips dancing with green light that wove through his fingers like ivy a moment before the ground gave me a push toward the front doors. I followed him out of the barracks and into the forest. We walked in silence for close to three hours, taking pathways I knew by heart, and some that I’d never seen. The walk calmed me, helped me to put things into perspective. Wicker knew who I was, but did he know I remembered? I didn’t think so. My feeling was that if he knew, he would have tried to kill me on the spot. But then again, maybe not. Maybe he wouldn’t want to give himself away.
Granite took me to the far western Edge of the forest. The roar of vehicles hummed along my senses, the smell of the human’s world overwhelming. The highway stood between the forest and the coast, a divider I knew our people rarely crossed.
“Do you know why I brought you here?”
I shook my head.
“This is where I found your mother.”
My jaw dropped and I sputtered out my questions with difficulty. “Found her? When? How?”
Granite ran a hand over his jaw, his eyes going distant. “When she was about sixteen, I guess. I thought she was a human runaway, from time to time they are drawn to us, you know that. And then I thought maybe she was a half-breed.”
My heart thumped harder as I waited for Granite to confirm what I hoped he would. “She wasn’t though, was she?”
His sharp eyes saw through me. “You know what she was?”
“I . . . think so.” A child of Spirit. Though, what that meant wasn’t clear. Not that it would affect me anyway, I had no abilities.
“Then we won’t say it out loud. The forest is not always safe, Lark. You of all people should know that.”
I stepped close to him and bent so I could speak into his ear, my voice as low as I could make it. “Her death was not natural, was it?” He shook his head and a sob caught on my lips. “I was there. I thought . . . all these years—”
His hand slapped over my mouth and he shook his head, then slowly drew a finger across my throat and then across his, the meaning clear. Even though Granite didn’t know it was the queen, he had to suspect. There was no one else who had cause to kill her, or my brother. Cassava would have both Granite and me killed if she knew either of us thought her a murderer.
“It’s why I wanted to train you, the way I trained your mother. But you, you’ll go further, I think, than even she did. She was too gentle for her own good, it was her downfall. To be an Ender, you have to be able to set aside all of your attachments, you have to be able to kill without hesitation, knowing if you don’t, you will be buried twenty feet down with salt covering your sack of bones. To be an Ender, you have to embrace the dark side the mother goddess hides from the rest of the world. The balance of all that is light and good, of growth and life. We are her darkness. We are her Enders.”
A chill swept through me, the truth of his words sinking into my soul. He went on, his eyes soft with remembrance.
“Your mother, she could never be that darkness, her whole being was life and love.” His voice was gruff, and under the bluff exterior I saw something more than a stoic Ender. Almost like I could see the story laid out in pictures in front of me. He’d found a girl close to his age, a beautiful girl and taught her to fight. Became her friend, and maybe he wanted more and she didn’t see him. Because she’d caught the eye of the king.
“Did you love her?”
His back stiffened, then he relaxed and gave a barking laugh. “Don’t matter now, Lark. But you have her good senses, you see people, see through the layers they hide under. See through the bullshit and cockamamie. Just like Ulani.”
I smiled. “And you brought me all the way out here to tell me this?”
This time, he leaned forward, whispering. “When you know. You come to me, and we’ll face them down together. Whoever did this, we’ll face it together, understand?”