Jake comes out next and reaches down into the hole to help Stella. She smiles and looks different in the real light of the outside world.
I run towards where I know Mitch is sitting.
Star steps out from behind the tree where I stashed my weapons last time, "What is this?"
I nod, "Stella, she's one we want on our side." I point, "Stella, this is Star, my sister." Mitch jumps out of the tree, making Stella smile again. She puts a hand out to him, "Stella."
Mitch grins, "Mitch."
She gives me a smirk, "You run with the most handsome men, Emma."
I laugh and Mitch's cheeks turn scarlet. I point at the trail, "We've got a long ride home."
She rides with me, gasping as we enter the dusty field. "This is your village?"
I nod. She beams, "It's perfect."
I smile back at her, "It is."
Nick meets us in the driveway. His eyes tell me to get off my horse fast. I jump down, pulling the sack of needles from the saddlebag.
"Is he okay?"
He shakes his head, "No. We need to hurry. Did you find antibiotics?"
I shake my head, "Just needles. The power going out and the farms being shut down, ended the antibiotics."
His eyes narrow. He grabs the sack and runs inside the house. I follow him, ignoring everything else in the world.
Will is laying on the bed with Leo. His skin is flushed and sweaty, like Jake's was. I know Jake is behind me. I can feel the heat of his massive body there. I lean back into him as Nick gets the syringe out and sticks it into his own arm. He pulls the blood back into the needle until it fills. He pulls it out and presses a piece of cloth against it. He pulls down the sheet on Will's body and pushes the needle into the scar tissue on Will's chest and injects the blood.
"Give me your arm."
I put it out, he does the same to me and injects it too. Nick does my other arm and then his. When he finishes putting the fourth needle of our blood into Will, he sits and stares.
"Will it work?" I ask.
He shakes his head, "I don’t know. I know in theory it should, but I don’t know. Michael was a nut. He had it work on minor infections, like slivers. Our blood type is the kind we can give it to everyone." He looks down and back at me, "Unless he's a negative, then he's screwed. We're O positive."
Jake shakes his head, "Me and Will and Anna are all A positive. Dad told us that before he died. Same as our mom."
Nick nods, "Then this is the best chance he has." He doesn’t sound convinced. He sounds scared and defeated. I back up to the wall and slide down it. Jake sits next to me. We sit there, staring at Will and waiting for it to work.
Eventually, they all leave and I sit alone. Even Leo doesn’t want to watch it happen.
I climb up onto the bed and curl around him.
The heat from his body is intense and not lessening. I drip water into his mouth. He coughs and opens one eye. His lips crack when he tries to smile.
I don’t smile back. I can't. I can see it. The blood isn’t working. Michael was a crazy bastard, believing him was foolish.
"Em, stop looking so hateful. You want that to be the last thing I see?"
I lean into his chest, "Don’t leave me. Please. I need you." I close my eyes and sob silently. I don’t want my tears to be the last thing he sees either. I don’t want there to be a last anything.
His hand weakly strokes my head. It isn’t the same hand, or the same man, or the same love. It's all more. I know how far I can go into despair and darkness, and his death is one of the things that might push me there. I don't want to go back to being the person I was. I like the me that belongs with these people.
As if reading my mind he whispers, "Stop it. I made it back to you once, Em. I'll always be here. Not even death can keep me away."
I cry harder. I want to beg him not to leave me, but I can't speak. Nothing is working but my tears.
I hug him to me and pray to God that he leaves him here for me to love.
He grips my hand to him, "Look at me."
I lift my tear-stained face and shake my head.
He attempts a weak smile, but it gets lost in the pain and the fear I can see in his eyes. "Promise me, no matter what, you will stay with them and make an effort to not be crazy."
I snort and wipe my face. After a minute, I nod, "I won’t ever leave them."
I see tears forming in his eyes as he struggles for the raspy words, "Keep Anna safe, and Jake."
"I swear I will."
He nods, "I know you will. My family is your family." He closes his eyes but mutters, "I love you, Emma."
My heartbreaks because I can hear the goodbye in his voice. I close my eyes too and rest my head on his chest. I don’t know how long I lie there, before I realize his chest doesn’t rise and fall anymore. The coarse sound of his breathing is gone.
I cry harder than I thought I could, gripping him in case he comes back again.
A week later, I can't stop staring at the huge rock pile next to the tiny one. Leo nudges me, he wants to go, but I can't. If I move away, Will's gone forever, again.
The snowflakes fall around me, trying to hide the rock pile from me.
I want to turn my back on them all, hike up into the woods, rebuild my cabin, and be alone again, but I promised him I would stay and keep them safe. Nothing has hurt as much as it does now. Now I love too much, hate too much, and hurt too much. Everything is bigger and they made it that way. I look up at the clouds covering the stars and whisper, "Meg." I don’t need to tell her that I still need him. I don’t need to tell her anything. She knows.
She knows me better than anyone.
I lean into Leo. He whines and readjusts. The cold ground hurts me too, but I block it out.
I hear footsteps on the cold, dry ground behind me. I don’t need to turn to know it's Jake. His subtle limp is obvious if you listen well enough. He sits next to me, making warmth on that side.
"He asked me to give you something."
I stare at the rocks, hating him for accepting his death and giving up on me.
Jake presses something in my hand. I look down at the ring he placed there. It's a diamond ring with a silver-colored band.
"He wanted you to have it, even if he died. He was going to ask when he got better."
Tears fall from my eyes, landing on the diamond. His arm wraps around my body, but I don’t move. I stare down at it. We sit in the snow for a long time, staring at the rock pile. I feel like my heart is buried under those rocks. The constant ache in my chest is too much to fight. I just let it own me.
I close my hand around the diamond ring and wonder when and where he got it from. I glance at Jake, "When did he get it?"
He closes his eyes, letting a single tear drip down his cheek. He whispers, "He traded his guitar for it at the camp, after you, Anna, and Star ran off without us."
I shake my head, "What?"
His eyes stay closed, "Yeah. One of the guys at the fire was saying he found a jewelry store that wasn’t looted in a small town. He traded his guitar for it."
I grip it tighter.
"I hate him. Is that bad? I can't forgive him for leaving."
He shakes his head, "No. I hate him too." We cry silently, listening to the snow fall around us.
Chapter Seventeen
Two years later
I look at the rock pile and smile, "Meg, I think there's two kinds of love. One kind of love burns so hot that it burns out, before you get a chance to enjoy it. The other love is one that lifts you and makes you better than you were before." I grin and shake my head, "I know you always said Will was the right one for this world, but I think God knew better. Will was never the right choice, he was the only choice while he was here, but I don’t know that it was better that way."
I look down at the diamond ring on my right hand as I brush the leaves off of the pile. The warmth of the spring sun is intense, as it always is. I don’t confess my love for anyone; I just leave that thought out there and let her come to her own conclusions. I know she can see it all from where she is.
I cross my legs when I sit back down and ball a dried leave up, "So Anna and Nick; I bet you woulda seen that one coming. I never did, but you always saw more than me. The wedding tree has had four weddings under it now. Not sure if you were watching or not, but it was nice and it made the village brighten up for a few weeks." I look up into the sun and sigh, "I have to go, but I'll be back in a little while." Leo gets up with me and stretches. I run my hands through his fur and smile, "You're getting too old for these trips."
He gives me his annoyed look and saunters over to where Jake and Mitch are talking and pointing. I can see his hips are getting old. I am not sure what I'll do when he gets too old to be Leo anymore. I don’t want to think about that.
Jake smiles when he sees me, "How's Meg?"
I shrug, "I think she gets lonely. I wish we could move her and the rose bush."
Jake shakes his head, "I like that she's here; I always think Bernie is too." His eyes are different than before. He nods at the horses, "Ready to go?"
I shrug, "Just waiting on you guys."
Mitch shakes his head, "If we let them put a trade market here, we will have more access to fruit. I think it's crazy to not do it."
Star walks from the back of the property, past all the charred rubble. It's her decision and they both know it.
She loops her arm into Mitch's, "Fine, but the rose bush and the grave are untouchable, and not negotiable."
Mitch smiles and kisses the side of her face, "I'll let them know. I'll meet you guys at the retreat?"
I glance up at Jake. He nods, "Yup. We just have to pick up Sarah and we're heading there."
I get on my horse and look down at Leo. He pants with his sloppy wolf face and starts towards the burned gates.
We ride slower, taking a little longer than normal. When we exit the forest, I smile. The village has grown in the two years we have been here. The log houses have taken over the old, dusty grass field and the forest has been cleared to make room for more houses. The white farmhouse is dirty but it's home to the cook pit ladies, Anna, and Nick. I can't sleep in there anymore. The smell of him is in there, even after we cleaned everything.