I don’t want us to ever take anything for granted again. We need things to not be easy. It made us lazy targets once; we can't ever let that go.
Leo stretches and rolls on his other side. I notice now that the weather is getting colder, he can't lay for very long on the side where the bullet went in.
The crisp of the air is refreshing after the long and smothering heat of the summer. The smell of the fire from the barn where they're fitting shoes on the horses, makes me anxious for winter. Winter in this world is peace. The calm of the snow is the only time I ever really relax. No one can travel in the cold anymore, not that they ever really did. Winter has always been quiet. We work like the ants to make the winter relaxing. Then we hibernate. Me and Leo have never shared a winter with anyone, but somehow I don’t think I can remember how it feels to not have them all there. To not belong. I see myself as part of them, no longer on the outside looking in. Maybe it's because they're in my territory now. This was my house and I invited them in.
The log houses are built, to get us by for the winter. They'll be improved upon in the spring, but seeing the little village we have built makes me happy. A crunch in the dry leaves below breaks my daydream. My tree moves as Jake climbs up into it with me. He sits on the branch next to me, giving me a funny look.
"What?"
He shakes his head, "Nan asked me to come and tell you it's time to get ready to go to Bern… Star's."
We try not to say his name too much. It makes Anna crabby, even when she's busy pretending she wants to talk about him. I nod, "Okay. So it’s me and you then, huh?"
He sighs, "I guess so. Will is staying, his cough is worse, I swear."
I look out at the woods and the sleeping wolf, "At night when he's sleeping, I swear I can hear something in there. Like he's not fixed. He's struggling for air and his chest sounds like it's crushing him. He can't do much, physically."
His blue eyes meet mine, "Nan said that it might be smart to get some antibiotics."
I flinch, "We took away the power. I don’t think they can make it without the power. The lady at the town who sold it to me for you, she said she got it from the farms, from her son.
He nods, "Then we do our best to make sure he stays strong."
I sling my bow over my shoulder and start down the tree, "We need to make sure he understands that too. The colder it's getting, the worse he's getting."
Leo stands and stretches when I get to the bottom. He nudges against me as I look around once more. His perky ears and happy wolf face are exactly how I like to see him. That and the song of the forest make me relax as Jake gets out of the tree. When we leave the woods and start up the field to the house, I nudge Jake, "The book you found on old, horse-drawn carts was a good score."
He smiles, "It worked well. Those horses of Sully's are making plowing the field so much easier."
I smile up at him, "I'm proud of you."
He beams, "Awww shucks, Sis. You’re making me blush." But he doesn't blush, I do. It’s the first time he's said Sis to me. It’s the first time we openly admit there is nothing in us but family love. I look down and walk, but he hits me in the arm lightly, "Yeah, I said Sis. You and Will are the same kind of crazy. Besides, some of the girls who came down from the retreat last month are hot."
I shake my head, fighting my smile, "You should go for that girl Andrea. She's good at this life. She hunts and fishes, cooks, sews, and knows first aid."
He snorts, "You had me at hunts. I still can't gut things. It makes me sick."
Rod, one of the guys from the retreat who is friends with Will, passes us on the field. He carries a bow and quiver. He winks at me. I smile, "Have a good night."
He puts a hand up and walks past us.
I give Jake a frown, "If you don’t want to gut, I can show you how to get the meat without gutting them. Jack showed me how."
He nods and holds the door for me when we get to the house, "Sounds good."
I hear the cough from across the house. I walk down the hall to the back room we have claimed as ours. Will is changing his shirt. I can see the sweat on the one he pulls off.
He smiles when he sees me, but I don’t smile at him. His scar is fading on his chest. I reach out, touching a fingertip to the line on his chest.
"How was watch?"
I nod, "Boring." He pulls me into his sweaty body. It's cool sweat, not fever like Jake had. I put my hands on his chest, "You have to slow down, Will. You're healing and your lung is still weak." I know how serious my gaze gets; I can feel it. He tries to smile, but I put my finger on the tip of his nose like Granny always did, "You listening to me? You have to slow down. I can't do that again. You can't leave me."
He flashes me the smile that melts everything, "Never again." He kisses my lips softly, "But for the record, I took a bullet to save you."
I shake my head against the stubble on his face, "I would have lived. Next time you let them shoot me. I can live through anything." I don’t say the thing I can't live without. I don’t want to talk about it.
He wraps his arms around me, "You going to see Sully and Star?" I nod. He kisses again, murmuring into my cheek, "You could stay and someone else could go."
I smile, "I can't let Jake go without me."
His smile tightens, "Jake could stay. I don’t want him out there anyway."
I laugh, "He's amazing on the horses. Him and Anna both are great with the horses. I have to go. Can you just rest… for me?"
He nods, tilting my chin up, "I love you."
"I love you too."
He kisses the tip of my nose and steps back, "I'm going to tell Nan that you'll be resting until I get back tomorrow."
He rolls his eyes, "Don’t get Nan involved. That woman is a savage."
I step back again, "That’s the point." I wave, "Leo is going to want to come. He's still not letting me out of his sight, so you have the bed to yourself."
He gives me a sad face; it makes me laugh.
"Behave yourself."
I head down the hall. Jake is laughing, leaning on the counter with Andrea and Kim. He's batting those massive black lashes and chewing a piece of dried meat. Kim blushes and shakes her head.
I walk past him, "You ready?"
He jumps up, "Let's do this. Ladies, it was lovely seeing you all, but I gotta go wrangle some horses. So we can continue this conversation when I get back."
I shake my head at the giggles in the kitchen. His charming antics are impossible to resist. I've been on the receiving end of that smile. I'm just grateful he stopped giving it to me.
Nan nods at me from the cook pit. She points at Jake, "Behave."
He walks with a serious amount of swagger, "Yes, ma'am."
Anna smiles at me from the meat racks. Her nausea ended a few weeks ago, making her able to work with food again, and able to eat things other than just fruit.
"See you tomorrow."
She nods.
Jake points at her, "Make Will relax. He's sounding rough."
She nods again. We walk to the animal barn that was built from the pen the farm already had. Two horses are already saddled. I grin back at Anna, "Thanks."
She waves.
"She looks better."
Jake grunts. He still hasn’t come to terms with the baby or the fact Anna had sex; Will is worse.
I get onto the horse and sigh, "My butt's sore and we haven’t even started."
He chuckles, "We'll ride fast, I swear." He hops on and steers his horse to the gate. One of the girls with a sweet smile, and an eye on Jake, gets the gate. He winks at her as he rides out. I nearly roll my eyes but they're getting sore from it.
We take off across the field. Leo stays with us the whole ride down the hill to the roadway. I have my handguns holstered on my legs, and my bow and quiver slung over my back. Jake has the sack of water and food in his saddlebags. Sully and Star took hunting parties up into the woods to the spot the cabins had been, where Sully lived before. They raided everything from there, horses, saddlebags, supplies—everything.
The five-hour horse ride is considerably better than walking the whole thing.
Jake and I have done the ride twice. Will can't ride a horse for very long, his chest hurts so Jake and I have to be the ones to do it. We know the way and Star's people know us.
When we cross the planes where we were once taken captive by Fish and Sully, I can't help but feel like it was a hundred years ago. I don’t know what changed me more, Will and Bernie dying, walking away from my father, or destroying everything they made. The combination is brutal and I hardly recognize myself.
We see a herd of animals that look like elk. I point at them as we ride. Jake shakes his head, "We don’t have time."
I pull an arrow, squeezing my horse between my thighs tighter, and try to pull the arrow back. The horse galloping and the moving animal make it impossible. I don’t know how the American Indians did it.
I put the arrow away and catch back up to Jake. My riding is still sloppy and I end up with sores. He rides like he was born to—him, Star and Anna.
We get to the crater that Star showed us before. Jake stops the horse to look. He always does when we reach the crater. I think he will always miss the world the way it was before. He rubs his hand down the horse’s face and gives it a nudge. The horse starts again.
When we get to Star's, the guards wave us in.
The mansion and grounds have become a small town. I jump down off the horse and lead it to the barn. A lady comes out and grabs the reigns, "Hey, Emma!"
I smile. I don’t know her name, but I know she was in the breeder farms.
Andy comes running up waving his chubby hands at me, "Where's Sarah?"
I wince, "Hey buddy, she's still at the farm. She's helping Anna with racking meat."