Rubi’s unease whipped up again, flooding her body with anxiety. She turned toward her friend and leaned one elbow on the railing. “So are you going to do it? Are you going to plunge in feetfirst and move into this six-million-dollar mansion with your beau?”
Lexi’s enthusiastic smile fell. “Don’t try to change the subject.”
She gazed past Lexi toward the opposite end of the canyon. “You should have some decent privacy here. Even if some jealous father of a rival designer hired a photographer again, he’d have to have one hell of a lens or a death wish to get photos of you and Jax up here.”
“What’s going on? You know you’re not getting out of here without telling me.”
“Let’s walk and talk,” Rubi said. “Show me this palatial new home of yours, little orphan girl from the white-trash slums of Kentucky.”
Lexi turned with a sigh and linked her arm with Rubi’s as they walked back into the office. “It’s not mine. It’s Jax’s. Which is why I don’t like the fact that he needs my approval.”
“Did you interview those students from Parsons?”
Rubi strolled down the marble hallway with Lexi’s chatter about her new interns floating around the edges of her brain. They paused in the foyer by the grand spiral staircase.
“So I’m setting up a small shop in another building nearby where the seamstresses will work,” Lexi said. “That way I can hop over there between fittings and client meetings if I need to. It sure would be nice to have somewhere close to come home to.”
“You mean somewhere close that houses Jax to come home to.”
She grinned, and the whole line of her body softened. “Yeah.”
Lexi wore her typical light touch of makeup, coloring her lashes, perfecting her already perfect skin, brightening her cheeks. But that wasn’t what turned the woman from stunningly beautiful to truly radiant.
“Have I ever told you how much I hate the way Jax makes you glow?”
Lexi laughed and returned her attention to Rubi. “Stop.”
“You want this house for the staircase, don’t you?” she asked, giving Lexi a sly grin. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Jax.”
Lexi bit her lip against a grin and glanced over the railing, her hand sliding over the iron. “I swear I could stare at it all day. It’s like a piece of artwork.”
She and Rubi burst out laughing at the same time. Rubi wandered away, through the massive living area. “Damn.” She squinted through the glass of one French door and placed a flat hand at her brow, teasing, “Is that the ocean?”
“I think that would be the Los Angeles smog layer,” Lexi said, her voice thick with yeah-right attitude.
“Ah, yes. Smog.” Rubi moved through a wide archway to a smaller sitting room—though small was all relative here. “Oooh, I like the bar.”
“Have you heard from Dolph on your house?”
“Nope. Nada. Sixth offer unacknowledged.” Rubi forced her voice light, like she always did, even though she knew Lexi could see right through her. She thought about the call she’d made to Dolph’s voice mail last night and pitched the rig’s concept. That was before she’d even seen the real thing—which was ten times more advanced than she’d expected. Maybe that would garner a phone call, during which she could broach the topic of buying the house—again.
She ran her hand over the tall, velour-covered chairbacks and glanced up at the six wide-screen monitors mounted high on the wall. “This will be where the Renegades sit when they come over. But you’ll have to get a few more chairs. Hell, you might have to turn this into a man cave.”
“There’s a man cave downstairs. Complete with another bar, bigger televisions, and a pool table.”
“Oh well,” Rubi huffed. “Excuse me.”
They moved out onto the deep stone terrace running the length of the house. “My God,” Rubi said. “You could have one hell of a party out here. Maybe even…a wedding.”
Lexi groaned. “Don’t mention marriage around Jax.”
“Good to know he’s smart enough to plan for a future with you.”
Lexi wrapped her fingers around the iron until they turned white. A tortured sound rolled in her throat. “Why is this so hard? I love him. I love everything about him. Why does jumping terrify me?”
“Sweetheart, you’re asking the wrong woman.”
Lexi faced her, mirroring Rubi’s stance. “Okay. Spill. What’s going on with you and Wes.”
Wes. Rubi’s insides took a major hit, a fiery-nuclear-bomb-type hit. Pleasure expanded deep in her belly. A warm, tingly, sexual thrill that crept steadily higher like a rising tide. But by the time it reached her chest, the silky excitement turned into searing, prickly tendrils and wound around her heart, her throat, until every vision from the night before vanished. The only thing filling her mind was the bottle of Xanax in her glove compartment.
“Don’t you have to get back to the shop?” Rubi asked…a little too hopefully.
“You’re way off your game. I made sure I had everything covered so we could talk when you got here. So talk.”
Rubi’s first instinct was to shut down. Shove the fanged monsters of fear back into the dark, slam the door on every muddy shadow from her past, and stand in front of her internal scars with her best I’m-so-over-all-that-shit expression.
But for the first time in her life, an emotion other than fear weighted her heart. The identity of that emotion was still murky. Desire? Affection?
Love?
Her lips parted, and she drew a breath to say…something. But she found her chest too tight, her mind too mushy. And all that came out was an uneven, “I think Wes and Jax are a lot alike. Determined.”
“I’ve always envied your ability to be so free in your sex life,” Lexi said. “So…open…to going for it. To getting what you want.”
Rubi tensed. “But…?”
“Are you happy, Rubi?” Lexi’s beautiful face, usually so open and light, now compressed with concern. True, heartfelt concern that made a new, sweet ache bloom around that damn knot. “Really happy?”
Rubi wanted to do what she always did—laugh off her concern. Add an airy, careless wave of her hand and assure her friend that her life was perfect.
When she only squinted into the sunshine showering downtown LA, Lexi went on. “This last month is probably the happiest I’ve ever seen you. Don’t you feel how good it is, Rubi? Healthy. Happy. Just plain right?
She did. Which was what scared her into silence. The stakes were high for Rubi. Higher than they were for Wes. If things went south with Wes…
Rubi saw an edge disintegrating beneath her feet. A bad fallout between her and Wes would inevitably cause tension between Rubi and the other Renegades. Tension between Rubi and Jax. Tension between Jax and Lexi. And ultimately, tension between Rubi and Lexi.
Messing things up with Wes could very well mess up every relationship that mattered to Rubi. Leaving her alone. Completely alone.
Yet, she felt so strongly about Wes, the thought of backing away from him now laid a boulder on her heart.
She. Was. Fucked.
Lexi shifted on her feet. “Rubi.”
She curled her fingers around the iron railing, her gaze fixed on her deep-red manicured nails as she flexed, tensed, flexed, tensed. Then she clenched her eyes shut. “Okay. I…have a problem.”
Her throat grew tight. She had to pause and push the burst of irrational panic down before she could go on.
“Wes and I…”—she wet her lips and scraped her upper lip between her teeth—“had sex.” Voicing it made all her anxiety intensify. “And…and…it was great. Beyond great. Better than I expected, and I expected phenomenal.”
Rubi labored to gather air again. Her heart beat fast, adding pressure on her lungs. She opened her eyes but couldn’t bear to look at Lexi. She didn’t know what she’d see, but part of her didn’t want to know.
“I’d…tell you that’s awesome, because it totally is,” Lexi started, her voice guarded. “But I’m guessing by how you’re acting it’s too awesome, right? So awesome you’re going to have to fuck it up because you’re terrified.”
A world of emotion floated in Lexi’s words. Understanding, disappointment, heartache…and that always-present unconditional love they’d shared from the beginning of their friendship. Her tone made Rubi’s fears seem both ominous and ridiculous at once.
“I know. So stupid, right?” She tried to laugh at herself, but it came out weak. “I mean, seriously, I couldn’t ask for a better guy. He even left after without me having to shove him out the door.”
Lexi’s hand closed around Rubi’s arm. She didn’t know why the touch startled her, but she flinched and turned to Lexi’s surprised, questioning gaze. “You had sex at your house?”
Splinters of heat and pressure scattered through her belly. “Yeah.”
Rubi had never brought a man to the house. Ever. She needed the control of being able to leave when she was ready. And the house was her personal space. Her and Rodie’s sanctuary. She didn’t want men showing up without an invitation, expecting her to give in to a bootie call.
Only, fuck, wasn’t that just what she’d allowed Wes to do last night?
Lexi’s hand slid from Rubi’s arm, dragging her—feeling a little drunk, and not in a good way—from the realization.
“Well, that’s…interesting.” Lexi drew out the word.
Rubi crossed her arms so tight over her chest, a tug of pain shot through the girls. “You sound like my goddamned psychotherapist.”
A suspicious, sly look narrowed Lexi’s eyes. “What other boundaries are you letting Wes trample on?”
Rubi’s mind immediately veered to the night before.
“I want to be different, Rubi. I want to feel you. Every inch of you.”
That drunk sensation deepened until Rubi’s stomach twinged the way it did when she’d had one too many.
“We…didn’t use a condom.” Rubi lifted her hand to her forehead and found it damp. “Isn’t it hot out here? Let’s go inside.” She turned and took giant strides toward the living room’s French doors, craving a cool sweep of air-conditioning.
“Rubi.”
She ignored Lexi’s confused call, stepped through the doors, and closed her eyes, absorbing the settling sensation of refrigerated air on her damp skin.
“You’re on birth control,” Lexi asked. “Right?”
“Of course.” The words came in an irritated, lightheaded rush. “That’s not the problem.”
Lexi’s frown turned suspicious again. “Then what’s the problem?”
Now that Lexi had voiced the more severe consequences of Rubi’s condom-challenged sexual encounter, she found herself, once again, feeling like an emotional hypochondriac.
“It’s just…this thing I have. I’ve always used a condom. Ever since I started having sex. Always.” Rubi dropped into a sofa. “It’s… I don’t know…a layer of protection, you know, in a different way. Like…a psychological way.”