I did all that fer my brother, I says.
You and I are willing to make the difficult decisions that have to be made, he says. To act on those decisions.
I think of Epona. Yes, I says.
We have the courage to act in the service of something greater than ourselves, he says. Don’t think I don’t have a conscience, that I don’t constantly question and challenge myself. I do. The consequences of my decisions, my actions . . . I’m well aware of them. I’m awake in the dead of night, thinking about it all. But we – people I mean – we can’t go on as we are. There’s no meaningful future for us or this earth. You do see that?
Yes, I says.
The first time I saw you, he says, I looked into your eyes, just for a moment.
I remember, I says.
And I knew you, he says. For who you really are. Who you can be. You’re extraordinary. Think of what you’ve already done. Now, imagine what you could do. You’ve only just begun to discover what you’re capable of. Tell me. How does it feel? To master your fears and weaknesses. To win in the Cage, time after time, against all the odds. To stand in your own power at the top of the hill.
I cain’t look away from him. The beauty of his face. The beauty of his voice. The way I heat wherever he touches me. The thread between us tightens an tightens.
It feels right, I says. I feel . . . right.
That’s the power that changes the world, he says. If you can do that for your brother, imagine what you could do for the earth. To bring back – even just a little of that wonder you saw in there.
I feel such . . . sorrow, I says. Like somebody I love jest died. I know what I said before, but I’m glad I seen it.
Feeling sorrow is fine, he says. It’s right. But you need to use those feelings, channel them into action. Just as you did with your brother. You have such strength, such courage, such power within you.
I would never have let you drown, he says. I’ve been waiting for you.
Waitin fer me, I says.
My whole life, he says.
He leans towards me. Slow. Real slow, so’s I can move away if I want. I don’t. He kisses me, sweet an soft.
I feel a drop of water on my face. Then it’s pourin. It’s sunny but pourin with rain. I shake my head, blinkin in surprise.
We laugh. Then he grabs my hand an we run.
We dash inside his tent, shakin ourselfs like dogs, gaspin an laughin a bit. He grabs a cloth an gives his hair a quick rub. He tosses it to me as he pours wine into the jars. He holds one up an I go to take it from him. My heart lurches. He’s so close to me. So warm. The smell of him, damp an green, makes my skin jump all over. There’s three books laid out on a small table.
You got books, I says. I seen one of them before.
Books are very rare, he says. They’re so delicate, not many have survived. Would you like me to read you something? He takes one with gentle hands.
I dunno, I says. I dunno what that means.
He opens it, turns over a couple of paper leafs an starts to speak.
There was a time when meadow, grove and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
To me did seem
Apparell’d in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen, I now can see no more.
He stops. He spoke slowly, restin each word on the air like it was precious. My heart ain’t big enough to hold the beauty. It aches from tryin to. He closes the book. He lifts his eyes an looks at me.
You spoke how I feel, I whisper. About what I seen in there. If I had them words in me, that’s jest what I’d say. How did you know?
Suddenly I move, in a rush, an I’m kissin him. His lips, his mouth, the words he spoke. Smooth an warm an rich. His arms bind me. Pull me tight to him. Kisses that burn. Kisses that sear. Feverish an ancient.
I fergit everythin an everybody. Jack. Betrayal. Myself. I lose myself. In the touch of him, the taste of him, the smell of him, till I feel the moment when the edges of me start to blur. I let go. An I melt into the dark, blank heat.
I don’t remember movin, but he’s sittin on the chair an I’ve climbed on to his lap an I’m runnin my hands through his hair, over his shoulders an arms, while we kiss. Feelin the strength of him, the life in him. He drags his lips along the inside of my arm, wrist to elbow. Trailin shivery fire on my tender skin till I’m quiverin head to foot. A rush in my belly, hot an ancient.
The tent’s dim an grey. In the dark of his eyes, I see a tiny reflection. It’s me.
A flush flags his cheekbones. I can see myself in your eyes, he says.
I touch a finger to his lips.
I’m drowning in you, he whispers.
I lead him to the bed. We lie down together.
An the rain, it rains an rains.
I wake with a start an blink in the bright mornin light. I’m in DeMalo’s arms. In his bed. We’re both bare as the day we was born.
My eyes meet his. I feel a hot tide crawl up my neck. The whispers. The cries in the closeness of the tent. Me. Him. Him an me together. I cain’t believe that was me. What was I thinkin of? I couldn’t of bin thinkin. No, no, that ain’t true, I knew full well what I was doin. I wanted to do it.
Then another thought crashes in. Emmi. I gotta git back to Bram’s, we gotta find Emmi. Lugh’ll be frantic, worryin about both of us, probly searchin fer me.
Seth, I—
You amaze me, he says. We’re perfect together. He turns my head to the side. Touches his lips to the back of my neck. Your first-time mark, he whispers. You chose me to put it there. Above all others, you chose me.
Yes, but I—
You gave yourself to me, he says. And I gave myself to you. Freely. Not just our bodies, it’s more than that. Much more. You felt it too. I know you did. We’re going to be so beautiful together, he whispers. So perfectly beautiful. In our perfectly beautiful, perfect new world.
His eyes is hot as melted rock. He kisses me an I kiss him an I’m lettin go an fallin once more an—
You could be carrying our child already, he says.
A baby, I says.
A cold sweat breaks on my skin. It never crossed my mind. No. No, it couldn’t be. Yes, it could. Easily. It happens all the time.
Think of it, he says, a child, Saba. A son, a daughter. Yours and mine. What could be more wonderful?
I know about the baby house, I says. I ain’t no breeder.
He laughs. Of course you’re not, he says. We’ll raise our child – our children – together. The simple fact is, people are born with different abilities. We were born to rule, you and I. It’s not an easy life, but it’s a meaningful, important one. You and I will change the world. So will our children.
With every word, the panic rises higher. My heart’s beatin madly. Seth, I says, I, uh . . . I’m sorry, I gotta go.
No, he says. His arms tighten around me.
I cain’t breathe. I push him offa me. Shimmy quick into the first things I git my hands on. The girly skivvies. I shouldn’t be here, I says, I dunno what I was thinkin of. This ain’t right, it’s . . . all wrong.
Nero hops outta his box, starts squawkin as he hears the ruckus. I’m snatchin the green dress from the floor an yankin it over my head. Haulin the boots on.
DeMalo’s on his feet too, pullin on his britches. He grabs my arms. What d’you mean, wrong? How? he says. How is it wrong? Tell me.