The same feelings of how to kill, how to position my bladed knuckle-dusters just right to cause the most pain, circled my mind … and I fucking embraced it. It was familiar … it felt like … me.
Suddenly, a hand gripped my shoulder. Sensing the familiarity of a gulag guard attack, years of being a “fuck thing,” a punching bag for those abusive pricks taking me back to that lost kid I used to be, I turned and gripped the fucker’s neck under my hand, smashing him back against the wall. A red mist fogging my eyes, I gritted my teeth and lifted the asshole off the floor.
No one would hurt me again … ever. I was stronger now, tougher. I was a built and conditioned fucking stone-cold killer.
Fingernails raked at my skin; wheezing breath filled my ears. But my hands squeezed tighter, the familiar feel of draining a life pumping me the fuck up.
The flailing cunt in my hands began to go weak and I tightened my grip, almost snapping his neck. This fucker would die. He wouldn’t get to rape me no more. Wouldn’t get to push me in that cage and kill another innocent kid. I was an innocent kid, too. This fucker would die. This fucker would die slowly, painfully, under my hands. They wouldn’t touch me anymore. They wouldn’t push me in that fucking ring anymore—
“Luka!”
Too focused on the kill, on the rush that came with feeling a pulse slow to a stuttered stop in a neck, I didn’t hear the door open behind me. My mind was a damn slide show of images, fucked-up images of my kills; kids begging for their lives, guards pointing their guns in my face if I didn’t finish those kids off. Pain, torture, rape, blood, so much fucking blood—
“Luka, stop!” A distant yet familiar voice broke through into my stormy mind. I shook my head.
“Luka, put him down.” The voice was soothing. I knew that voice. That voice made my heart slow down. It calmed me … who … what…?
“Luka, lyubov moya. Come back to me. I’m here. Come back. Fight the memories. Fight them, just, come back.”
Ki … Kisa … my Kisa…? My eyes snapped shut at the soothing voice and new memories flashed through my mind … a boy and girl on a beach … kissing … making love … blue eyes … brown eyes … one soul … love lost … love found … a wedding … love … so much love …
Kisa.
Gasping, my eyes flew open, the free hand at my side shook and my skin was drenched with sweat. My other arm was elevated high, and when I followed the length of that arm, it was gripping a neck in an iron vise … the neck of a man, a man my head told me I knew.
Confused at what had happened, I stepped back, my hand releasing its grip on the man and he fell to the ground, wheezing, gasping, fighting for breath.
I staggered back farther until my back slammed against the opposite wall. Feet moved beside me, but I couldn’t look up. I was frozen on the floor, my knees tucking into my stomach and my head falling into my hands.
“Viktor? Viktor? Are you okay?” The female voice from before made me look up, and there she was, my Kisa, my solnyshko, bending down, running her hands over the man’s—
My stomach fell.
Viktor. Viktor, my trainer, the man who helped me to defeat Alik Durov.
Feeling as though the gulag tattoo across my chest, the bold and broad 818, was on fire, I watched Viktor’s eyes close and Kisa call to the byki for help.
Two of the Pakhan’s men ran in, and I watched them as if they were moving in slow motion. Kisa stepped back as they helped Viktor to his feet. The byki dragged him out in seconds and I felt a pain as sharp as a dagger’s strike slice through my stomach.
My fists clenched as I realized what I’d done. I’d almost killed Viktor.
The door softly clicked shut and I heard the locks turning, two iron bolts being slid in place to keep me inside.
Quiet footsteps came toward me and the soothing scent of sweet flowers washed over my body and filled my nose.
Solnyshko.
Gentle fingers suddenly ran over my hand. I flinched and dragged them away as I fought back my instinct to kill, to hurt, to maim, to slaughter.
“Luka, look at me,” Kisa ordered, but I kept my head low.
“Luka,” Kisa repeated in a sterner voice, “look up.”
Gritting my teeth, I looked up and my gaze found a set of perfect blue eyes.
Kisa. My wife.
Head tilted to the side, Kisa’s eyes filled with tears and she reached out her hand to touch my face. “Luka—”
“No!” I snarled. I sank back farther against the wall, swatting away her hand. “Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hurt you.”