And then I noticed her shaking body. She was convulsing.
What the hell had the cop done to her? I quickly jumped out of my car and ran over to her. The minute I touched her, my eyes fell on the accident. I hadn’t really paid much attention. I figured I needed to keep my eyes on the road, considering most accidents get made worse by other drivers gawking.
But I saw it.
The black Mercedes, which of course a chick wouldn’t know, but I knew, was way cheaper than mine.
And it was outside Seaside, almost to Canon Beach, which meant only one thing. Alyssa had somehow gone after me and thought I died. Shit. And then when she asked me to promise her never to leave or die? Yeah, kind of impossible. If it was possible to live forever just so she would never experience heartache again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d do anything for her.
We held hands over the console in complete silence. Alyssa was still shaking, but at least she was breathing like a normal human being now. I probably should have told her where I was going or asked if she wanted to come with me, but I thought she’d still be too pissed at me to even want to see my face.
I’d been so lost in thought that I’d gone all the way into Canon Beach and then realized I forgot my wallet. So not only was I without any sort of ID or cash, but I was driving illegally.
Good times.
“Did you get the taffy?” she finally asked, breaking the tense silence.
“No.” I laughed at her weird way of breaking the silence. “I forgot my wallet, so know that I’m totally illegal right now.”
“Want me to drive?” How cute was she?
“And suffer a panic attack? No, I’ll take my chances. Also, you’ve just suffered a crazy trauma. I mean, I’m alive, but ten minutes ago you thought I was dead, so yeah, let’s not tempt fate. I imagine you’re going to be needing Xanax any minute now.”
Alyssa laughed lightly and squeezed my hand. “Um, do you think we can stop somewhere first?”
“Sure.” I exhaled slowly allowing my heart to go back to its natural rhythm. “Where do you want to go?”
“Drive past town, then when we get to Astoria, take a left on the first street before we hit the stoplight.”
“Okay…” And the silence was again deafening as I drove for the next twenty minutes. It took forever to get on the other side of Seaside, considering the speed limit was twenty.
Finally, we reached Astoria, and it began to rain. Of course.
Panic set in when I realized where she was taking me. The cemetery. I pulled into the parking lot and ran around to the other side of the car to open her door.
Alyssa gave me a sad smile and grabbed my hand. We walked for a few minutes and then she stopped.
I didn’t want to look at the grave. I already knew who it was. Instead, I watched her, gauged her reaction. Rain fell across her cheekbones and ran down to her lips. Some caught in her mouth, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss the water away.
Soon salty tears mixed with the rain, and I couldn’t tell which was which, all I knew is I wanted it to be gone. I would bleed myself till I was dry if she would just have peace.
“Brady.” She choked a sob. “This is Demetri Daniels. He’s kind of famous.”
“Kind of?” I joked.
Alyssa rolled her eyes and wiped some of the tears and rain away from her face. “Sorry, my mistake. Brady, this is Demetri Daniels. He’s a rock god.” She lifted an eyebrow in my direction. I nodded my head.
“Better.”
“He’s a mess,” she continued. Ouch. “I mean, a huge mess.
As in, he is all kinds of screwed up. He’s a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. He hates the color purple, he hates birds, and he refuses to go to zoos.”
I cleared my throat.
“He’s also the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, generous, funny, and he’s like the sun, always shining, which I think I kind of need, considering I live in Seaside and all. He makes the clouds go away, and sometimes when I think of his smile, I close my eyes and find peace.”
“I’m telling you all of this so you know… my heart… it didn’t die with you in the accident. I thought it did, but I was wrong. I thought the pieces were scattered and impossible for me to put back together again. With Demetri I discovered that my heart still beat, and the pieces weren’t broken like I thought. They just needed someone who knew what they were doing.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I love him, Brady. It isn’t the same love that I had with you…”
My stomach dropped.
“It’s better. Because I finally understand what love is. It isn’t rainbows and butterflies. It isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s jagged like broken glass, and sometimes it hurts. But love, the type of love that’s real — the love Demetri has shown me — it’s selfless, it’s persistent. Real love pushes your boundaries, it pulls until you snap, and then when you think you can’t take anymore, it’s relentless in its pursuit of your body, soul, and heart.”
I was immobile as I closed my eyes and listened to the poetry of her words. Everything was in slow motion, the way the rain felt against my face as her words echoed in my heart like a lullaby. Fire ignited my soul at her truth, at the truth of existence, the truth of what love was.
“I didn’t choose to love Demetri, Brady. It just happened.
But the minute my heart made that decision, it was impossible to go back. It was like trying to breathe without air. I’m finally okay with letting you go. I’m finally okay with forgiving you, because I know whose arms I belong in. I know that the minute I turn away from your grave, I make the conscious choice to open my heart to real love. The love every person deserves. Goodbye, Brady.”