I watch them playing and am just about to get up when a woman drops down beside me. “Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” she asks. She sighs heavily, but it’s a nice noise. It’s not frustrated or confused. It’s just comfortable.
I look up at the blue sky. “Such a pretty day,” I say. I smile at her. She isn’t looking at me, so she doesn’t even see it.
She points toward Hayley. “Is that your little girl?”
I nod. Then I startle because she’s not. But she so is. “My boyfriend’s little girl.”
“She’s adorable.”
A grin tips the corners of my lips. I can’t take any credit for her, though. “Thanks.”
I see a little boy with brown hair run over and talk to Paul. “Is he yours?” I ask.
She nods. “Yes.”
“He’s adorable, too.” He is. He’s tall and slim. Then he looks up, and his eyes meet mine. I gasp. I know those eyes. I have seen them before. It was only once in real life, but I will never, ever forget them. My gaze jerks to the woman beside me.
“Please don’t be angry,” she says. “I talked your boyfriend into it.”
My heart is so tight in my f**king throat that I can’t get out a sound, not even the sob that’s buried deep within me. I sit forward, balancing on the edge of the seat, because now that I’ve seen him, I can’t look away again. He grins, and I can see his dad’s quirky smile, the one he had when I met him, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this little boy is my son.
“Are you all right?” she asks quietly. She turns to face me on the bench. “Please don’t blame your boyfriend. I just wanted to meet you. Jacob doesn’t even know who you are, and he won’t, not unless you tell me you want that.”
I can hear her talking, but I can’t speak. I get up and walk very slowly over to where Jacob is standing with Hayley. I feel like there’s a magnetic tether between us, and I couldn’t stay away from him even if I wanted to. I want so badly to touch him. I want to feel the heartbeat in his skinny little wrist and watch his chest go in and out when he breathes. I want to take off his shoes and count his toes because I never got to do that. I really wanted to do that.
I stop beside him and squat down. “Hi,” I say quietly. I’m surprised that noise crept past the emotion in my throat because I still feel like it’s going to choke me.
“Hi,” he says quietly. He looks over at Jill, and she gives him a thumbs-up. She doesn’t get up, though. I see her wipe a tear from her cheek.
“Did you meet my friend, Hayley?” I ask.
He nods. Paul keeps trying to catch my eyes with his, but I won’t let him.
“I’m Friday,” I say. I’m your mother, and I love you more than anything, anywhere, anytime. The words rush to my lips, but I bite them back. “What’s your name?”
Jacob runs over to his mother and says something to her. She reaches into the big bag at her feet and takes out a box. She hands it to him, and he runs back over. He never did tell me his name, but that’s okay. I’d rather he have a little stranger danger. And I’m a stranger, after all.
Jacob sits down on the sidewalk and opens his box. He takes out a clunky piece of chalk and says, “Do you want to draw with me?”
I sit down beside him and say, “What color should I use?”
He gives me a blue piece of chalk. “This one.”
So I sit for hours and draw with my son in chalk on the sidewalk. We draw rainbows and dragons, and we even make some flowers for his mom. I look around and see that the sidewalk is completely full of our art. There’s not an available space to be had.
“You’re a really good drawer,” he says. He grins up at me, and I see the space where his missing tooth should be.
“So are you.” I reach out a tentative hand and touch the top of his head. I close my eyes and breathe, letting my hand riffle through the silky strands. I pull back way sooner than I want to because he’s looking at me funny.
I look over and see Paul sitting and talking quietly with Jill. He gets up and yells over to us. “We’re going to get some lunch! We’ll be right back!”
I give him a thumbs-up and get up to chase Hayley and Jacob over to the swings.
“Push me!” Hayley cries.
“Push me!” Jacob calls at the same time. He laughs, and I put my hand in the center of both their backs, standing between them, and give them both a shove.
It’s only a minute or two later when Paul and Jill come back carrying hot dogs and drinks. The kids race to the table. I jam my hands into my pockets and walk over a little more slowly. Paul and Jill sit side by side on one side of the picnic table, and Hayley and Jacob sit on the other.
“Sit beside me!” Hayley cries.
“No, me!” Jacob says. I put my legs over the bench and sit between them, and Paul hands me a hot dog. Jacob scoots so close to me that I can feel his thigh against mine. The heat of his little body seeps into the cold of mine and warms me everywhere. I close my eyes for a moment and just breathe, enjoying the feel of having my living, breathing child pressed into my side.
The kids inhale their hot dogs and are ready to go back and play. Paul gets up with them and follows, leaving me with Jill.
“You don’t look anything like I expected,” she says quietly.
“What did you expect?” I take a bite of my hot dog.
She grins. “Something less colorful.”