“That name was your favorite, right?” she asks.
I know it’s more than just his favorite. Catherine was our mom’s name.
He nods, and I see him swallow really hard. “Kit,” he says.
“Kit,” she repeats. Her voice cracks. There’s so much history between them with regard to that nickname.
Oh holy f**k. They’re going to make me cry.
I look around, and I don’t see Friday in the room. “Hey, where did Friday go?” I ask.
They don’t even look up at me. Logan pulls Emily into him and presses his lips to her forehead, holding there for a long beat. Then he sets her back and looks into her eyes.
They’re not concerned with where Friday has gone, but I am.
Friday
They wouldn’t let me hold him after he was born. They said it would be easier that way. But none of it was easy. I remember sneaking from my room and going to the observatory window where all the little bassinets were safe behind the glass. There were so many babies in the nursery that night. All of them had names on the front of their bassinettes except the one I assumed was mine. I can still see him in my head sometimes. I never got to hear him cry. I never held him in my arms. But he looks like me with his dark hair. I know that much.
The baby in the window in front of me kicks his feet and turns a brilliant shade of red. I want to go in and hold him, but a nurse comes forward and picks him up. She gently coos to him and tucks him into the crook of her arm.
An arm slips around my waist, and I turn to look up into Paul’s face. I wipe the tears from my eyes that I didn’t even realize were there. My whole face is wet. Paul offers me his sleeve, and I shake my head. I wipe my eyes with my fingertips, sluicing the water from my face like windshield wipers.
“I love the belly art,” he says as he looks through the window at the babies with me.
A grin tips the corners of my lips. “It was her idea.”
“You did a good job.”
He doesn’t say more. He just looks at the babies.
“Do you remember the day Hayley was born?” I ask.
“Like it was yesterday. Kelly got pissed and kicked me out, and then she begged and pleaded for them to find me. Sam and Pete were at home because they had school the next day, and Logan was watching them. But Matt was here. He kept me steady.” He looks down at me and smiles. “Who kept you steady?” he asks, his voice quiet and soft.
I flinch. I don’t mean to. I can’t help it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Okay,” he says. He goes back to watching the babies. But his question lies there like a barrier between us, even though his arm is still around me and he’s so very close to me.
I heave a sigh. “Can you respect my decision and let it go?” I ask. “Please?”
“I can and do respect your decision, but I can’t let it go,” he tells me. “I’m sorry, but it’s such a big part of who you are.”
“It’s not, though. It’s just a blip in time.”
“It’s not a blip, Friday,” he says. His voice grows a little louder. “It’s part of you, and it always will be. I’m not going to pry it out of you. But I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
“Are you going to let it come between us?” I ask.
“Are you?” he tosses back at me. Then he sees Matt walking down the hallway with Sky and their three kids, and he shows them to the waiting room.
He leaves me standing there watching the babies. Only I don’t feel completely alone. Not like the last time I was here.
I heave a sigh and stand there until the baby from earlier is back asleep. He smacks his lips together and dreams.
I had dreams once. Dreams of a family of my own. One that would stand by me no matter what. But no matter how strong my grasp, I just couldn’t hold on to it.
Paul
Logan lays his ear on Emily’s belly and swears he can “hear” Catherine’s heartbeat. Emily laughs and threads her fingers into his hair. The doctor gave her an epidural about an hour ago, and she’s a lot more comfortable now than she was before. She was in a lot of pain. She has been laboring for about five hours and hasn’t gotten very far until now.
The nurse dashes into the room, gives her a quick exam while I look out the window, and calls for the doctor. “It’s time,” she says.
Friday goes to Emily and whispers something to her, and Emily’s eyes fill with tears. I want to ask her what she said, but I suppose it can wait. The doctor rushes into the room, and the nurse leads me and Friday—the only ones who were allowed to be in the room with them—back to the waiting room. The only reason we got away with staying as long as we did was because Logan told them he needed a translator. He doesn’t. He does fine without one. But it worked. And Friday got to stay, too.
Logan had me run Emily’s parents out of the room a couple of hours ago. They were just too excited and too worried for Emily to be any help.
Logan doesn’t need me for this part, but it’s really hard letting him grow up and be a man all on his own. I f**king raised him. And I don’t think I’m ready to be done yet.
Friday takes my hand in hers, and we walk into the waiting room. Pete is asleep in a recliner with Reagan tucked into his side. He’s snoring, and I think she is too. Sky is awake, and she’s drawing circles on the back of Matt’s hand while he talks softly to her. His hand lies on her belly, and there’s something so beautiful about it that I can’t look away. Their girls are asleep on a blanket at the their feet. Joey and Mellie found out the baby was on the way and there was nothing Sky and Matt could do to keep them at home. Seth is standing by the window drinking a soda.