Probably not. He’d have to be a tatted-up, sexy blond hunk of man meat named Paul Reed to make it work. Paul settles at my feet and pulls my foot into his lap. He spends the next hour picking on his brothers while he draws tender circles on my inner ankle. I have never felt such an intimate touch. I’ve had sex with men and not felt this close to them. What the f**k is that about?
Paul
I like Cody and Garrett. I don’t particularly like that their baby could be growing inside Friday, mainly because it makes me jealous as hell, but I like them as people. They’re funny and kind and so obviously in love. They’re going to be good parents. Would it be terrible for me to admit that I hope the insemination didn’t take? It probably would, so I keep that to myself.
On the one hand, I am really happy they have a chance at building their family. But on the other, I wish it were my f**king baby inside her. I want to see her get fat and cranky with my child growing in her body. I want to share those moments with her, and I don’t know if I can do that when she’s pregnant with somebody else’s kid. I doubt there are any rules around that, no book I can read to tell me what’s right and wrong. I want to win her, but I don’t know if I can play the game while she’s growing a life.
Cody and Garrett shake hands with me at the door, and Garrett pulls me into his chest for a quick man hug and a thwack on my back. “Take care of her, okay?” he whispers.
“You got it,” I say back. I want to take care of her every day. All day.
He hugs Friday and says to her, “Remember, no orgasms.”
What? I look from him to her and back, and her face colors.
Garrett just smiles, and he leaves hand in hand with Cody.
“Did you like them?” she asks as the door closes behind them. She leans against it for a second and takes a deep breath. My brothers all left one by one with their girls, except for Sam, and he just went to bed. Matt and Seth had to carry Joey and Mellie to the car because they fell asleep in Hayley’s bed.
Hayley pops her head out of her room, scrubs her eyes, and toddles over to me. She looks up at me, sleepy-eyed. She’s so damn cute in her frilly jammies that it makes my chest ache sometimes just to look at her. I force myself to stop and take mental pictures of her so I won’t forget these moments. I stop time in my head—click!—and try to remember the frame for a while. She won’t be this little forever.
“You going to tell Friday good-bye, too?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Friday is going to spend the night.”
“You having a sleepover?” Her little brow furrows. She blinks her big blue eyes at Friday and grabs on to my leg.
“Friday is going to stay here for a while. She’s going to sleep in Matt’s bed, since no one is using it.” I run a hand down her silky blond hair. “That okay with you?”
She nods but looks up at me skeptically. “She’s not going to sleep with you?”
Friday laughs but bites her lips together when I look up at her. Sorry, she mouths.
“She’s going to sleep in her own room, in her own bed, with her door locked.”
Friday’s eyes open wide. I am? she mouths. I nod, and she looks down at Hayley. “I am!” she says as though she’s excited about it.
“You going to tell her a bedtime story?” Hayley asks.
Friday
Paul swipes a hand across his smile. “Probably not.”
Hayley slides her hand into mine and says, “You can come and listen to mine.” She tugs my fingers so I follow her into her bedroom. I stand there, not at all sure where I’m supposed to go.
Paul sits down on the bed with his back against the headboard. “Which book?” he asks.
Hayley points to one, and I look around the room. I don’t know where to go because she doesn’t have any furniture aside from her bed and her toy chests, so I sit down on the carpet beside her bed and lean against it. My head is near Paul’s knee and his feet are crossed, pointed toward the end of the bed. He’s taking up a lot of space, and Hayley snuggles into her covers with a stuffed rabbit in her arms.
Paul opens the book and starts to read about a bull named Ferdinand. It makes me smile, hearing him read to his daughter. He loves her so much that I’m a little bit jealous. Not because he loves his daughter, but because I feel like I missed out on having anyone love me like that.
His voice gets softer and softer, and he stops when he’s about halfway into the book. “She’s asleep,” he says, and he closes the cover.
“You can’t stop now,” I protest. “I have to find out what happens.”
He grins, opens the book back up, and continues to read. He turns pages with one hand while the other strokes down the length of my hair. My eyelids grow heavy, so I lean against the mattress and let them fall closed. His fingers dig deeper and start to massage my scalp. I finally look up when I realize he has closed the book and all his attention is on me.
I get up on my knees and lean on my elbows, looking at Hayley snuggled and safe under her blankets. “She’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“Yeah, she is,” he says. He brushes my hair back over my shoulder. “So are you.”
My heart stutters, and I force myself to take a deep breath through my nose. But all I can smell is him and the little-girl scent that’s all Hayley.
“Did you ever want this?” he asks, jerking his head toward his daughter.
I nod. “Once upon a time, yes,” I whisper. “I wanted it. More than anything.”