“This was a mistake, Annie.”
My heart clenched in my chest from his rejection. In three long strides, he was in front of me, and I was gazing up at his menacing face. “You should have let me leave.” He gripped my arms painfully hard, and my body shook with each word he spoke.
“You’re blaming me for this?”
“No. I blame myself for everything that has happened to you.” The column of his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.
“You saved me, Colin. You’re not a bad guy.”
He flinched as he took a step backward, as if my words had caused a physical blow. He reached behind me, fisting his hand in my hair and gripping tightly as he pulled me against him, causing me to cry out in shock. His lips were against my ear. “Do you know what it is that I did for the Descendants? Do you know how many young little girls like you that I beat, fucked, and humiliated? Do you have any idea how badly I’ve wanted to do that to you since the day we met?” His grip tightened with each word. “You still want me inside you? You still think I’m a good guy?” He let go, causing me to stumble forward and catching myself on the banister.
“You were forced to do those things,” I choked out.
“But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it.” His voice cut off as he swallowed, and his eyes glossed over. I felt like I was going to be physically ill. My hand splayed over my stomach as I struggled to take in the truth behind who Colin really was.
What if he was telling the truth? What if he wasn’t just trying to scare me?
“Annie,” he whispered, his eyes searching mine, and I saw something I never thought I’d see. Colin was regretful, and it was killing him to admit to me what he had done.
I gripped the top of my tank top until my knuckles turned white. I felt like I was suffocating, drowning in guilt as I turned away from him. “I should have never let you touch me,” I whispered as tears stung my eyes. Had I not gone into his room, my entire world would not be crumbling.
“It won’t happen again.” He stepped closer, and I could feel his ragged breath blowing against my hair as I stiffened. “I’m so sorry.”
I turned to face him, and the idea of Amanda screaming what she’d seen from the rooftops paled in comparison to his revelation. But I wasn’t scared of him; I was scared for him. He gripped my forearms and hauled me against his body, his arms tightening around my back to hold me upright as my legs threatened to give out from under me.
“I’ll make this go away,” he whispered into my hair, his lips moving against the top of my head. “I’ll disappear. Everyone will blame me. Tell them I forced myself on you. It’s not a stretch from the truth.”
I pulled back to look him in the eye. The usual mask he used to hide his emotions was gone, and I saw nothing but sincerity, regret, and anguish. I couldn’t imagine ever having to truly fear him. “I know you won’t hurt me,” I said with conviction.
“I already have. I’ve ruined everything for you.”
I slowly turned around and gazed out over the top of the stairs. His arms fell from around my waist. “Maybe she won’t tell anyone.”
“She will.” He swallowed hard and slowly descended the staircase as I waited at the top, his broad shoulders blocking the light from the window of the door.
“I need to leave before Connor returns,” he said quietly, glancing over his shoulder at me. I was frozen, paralyzed with fear.
“Come here,” he called up to me, his voice devoid of emotion.
I walked down the stairs, not sure how I didn’t stumble and trip over my own feet.
“Hey.” Colin’s fingers rested under my chin, and he angled my gaze toward him. “It’s going to be all right. I promise.”
“OK.” I knew that I was probably in shock, but the numbness was a welcome relief from the painful heartache I had experienced moments before.
His fingers fell, and he shook his head. “Be good, little one.”
My fingers went to the silver cross around my neck as he pulled open the front door and left without a backward glance.
Chapter 18 - Colin
I shifted gears as my car sped down the highway, my mind focusing on Annabel. Flashes of blond and green would forever be seared into my mind.
Having her in my arms was almost as gratifying as what I would do in the past…almost. The thought of sharing my dirtied and depraved acts with her…unspeakable. I could feel it starting in the pit of my stomach and radiating like a shock wave throughout my body. I wanted the anger, the control, and questionable morals. I wanted it all now, and it was killing me to fight against it, but she was worth the struggle. To have her blindly agree to the unknown because she trusted me was something I never thought possible.
Breathe in.
The feel of her honey-scented flesh against mine. Just the thought caused my heart to palpitate and the world to shift on its axis and center on her. I could still feel it, taste it.
Breathe out.
Pulling golden curls from her face, running abusive fingers over her bruised facade. She was so much stronger than I could ever be. It took far more guts to stand tall in the face of fear than to intimidate the weak.
Breathe in.
She looked at me like she could see the person I was meant to be, not the twisted manifestation of Taylor’s sick perversions. She believed, when I had given up hope, that I could be saved.
Breathe out.
I had to use any last ounce of logic and morality to leave her behind, give a fighting chance to the defenseless. She would be fine. No one would question the assertion that I’d forced her. This was the only way it could have ever ended with us. I deserved to be exposed for what I really was. She could finally be free.
Breathe in.
I stepped on the gas, trying hard not to think of Annie being comforted by Jacob. There was no denying that he was the lesser of two evils, but the very thought killed me. I had finally gotten to taste what I could never have. I’d gotten to see what my life could have been had I been the hero in her story.
I would gladly relive every whipping I had received. The pain was a comforting balance, but this ache, this dull, crippling death of losing her was too much.
Chapter 19 - Annabel
I awoke with a gasp, sitting straight up in bed. I glanced around the dark room, pulling Colin’s blue comforter to my face and inhaling the lingering smell of his cologne. I thought about taking one of his sleeping pills, if only to be able to spend some time with him in my dreams. But I was too afraid he would return and I would miss him.
His world was chaos, and his once pristine room now reflected the inner turmoil he had suffered all these years. I grabbed my cell phone from his night table and sent Connor another text to add to the dozen I had already sent. Connor was on his way back, putting aside business to come to my side, but I knew that if Colin didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be.
I got out of bed, needing to keep myself busy until exhaustion took over. I got out of the comfort of his bed and turned on the light, taking in the damage. I began picking up the pieces, slowly restoring order to his life.
I wished I had followed him, forced him to take me wherever he went. I would have happily left this all behind, but instead, I was the one left behind.
Three hours later I had put his space back together; the only thing missing was him, along with my heart, which he’d carried since the day I stepped into his cabin. I sat on his floor clutching one of his worn T-shirts in my hands as I slowly drifted off.
“Wake up, Annie.”
My eyes fluttered open, and I blinked back my exhaustion. “What are you doing?” I asked as Colin gripped my hand. The column of his throat jumped as he swallowed hard.
“I need you to do something for me.” His voice was thick with unspoken sadness.
“What is it?” I was completely alert now, worried that something had happened and Colin was tasked with telling me the awful news. “Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble?”
“No.” His grip tightened as his eyes searched mine, and he sighed. “Do you still have the bag with your mother’s things?” he asked.
“Yes. Under my bed.”
He nodded once as his fingers slid from mine, and he dipped his head, reaching under the bed and pulling out my small, dirty book bag. He unzipped it, the sound loud in the quiet of the night. He dug around inside, pulling out the few possessions I had left. He held up a pill bottle, turning it around in his hand, and his eyes narrowed as he struggled to read the label in the dim moonlight.
“This will do.” His eyes met mine. “Do you trust me?”
I was confused and scared.
“We don’t have much time, Annie. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
The corner of his mouth turned up with a small measure of satisfaction, but it quickly vanished. “Taylor is coming.”
“What? Why?” Was he going to kick me out in the middle of the night? Where would I go? I wanted to leave more than anything, but the thought of being put out in the middle of the night, alone, was too much. I was still scared of monsters that lurked under my bed, oblivious to those that looked me in the eye.
“Annie.” He shook his head as he pressed against the side of the mattress. “Taylor is playing God. He thinks you and I are meant to be together.”
My cheeks heated, and I looked down at my rumpled white sheets. Colin was handsome and strong with a defiant streak that rivaled mine.
”Please just trust me.” He held out two pills in the palm of his hand. I took them from him, my eyebrows pulled together questioningly.
“I don’t want you to remember me this way.” He shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes.
I swallowed hard and nodded my head, not understanding what was going on, but knowing that Colin would never betray me. I dropped the pills into my mouth and swallowed hard.
He stood up, towering over me as he pulled his plain white T-shirt over his head and let it fall to the ground next to his feet. “Take off your shirt.”
“What? No. You’re out of your mind!” My voice rose as I clutched my sheet to my chest, shaking my head.
“Annie, I promised, and I meant it. Trust me.” He enunciated each word as his hard gaze bore down at me, but I wasn’t sure he trusted himself.
I watched his hands fall to the button of his khaki pants as I gripped the edge of my “Descendants of God Commune” shirt and pulled it over my head, careful to keep the sheet from falling and revealing my chest. My breathing was coming in heavy pants out of fear and embarrassment.
Colin shoved down his pants and kicked them to the floor. “What else are you wearing?” His words were barely audible, but the weight of his guilt was evident.
“My…my underwear.”
He nodded as he glanced at the closed door behind him. “Keep them on. Close your eyes.”
“What? Why?”
“Annie, I’d like for you not to see what a naked guy looks like yet. You’re too young.”
My eyes snapped closed. I couldn’t argue with him there.
“Keep them closed.” He lifted the edge of the sheet, and the cold air hit my side, causing me to shiver. The bed dipped under his weight, and I held my breath. His large, warm palm splayed across my belly and I froze, but my head felt foggy, and the warmth of his touch spread to the tips of my fingers down to the ends of my toes.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his voice pained. “It’s the only way it will look believable.”
My heart sank at his explanation. He pressed his hot lips against mine, and I felt like my body melted into a puddle beneath him. He pulled back, and my eyes slowly opened to see him smirking above me.
“I told you to keep your eyes closed.” He touched the tip of my nose with his finger.
As he said the words, my eyes blinked heavily and fell closed. I struggled not to smile, the pills making it hard to conceal my growing infatuation with Colin.