She cannot believe what an idiot she was for all those years. She knew more about Ben Frye after two hours than she knew about Jimmy after four years. Jimmy seemed mysterious back then, with deep secrets he had to keep. Now the facts are apparent; he was a thief and a liar, and she went and sat still for it for longer than would seem humanly possible.
“I had no idea,” Gillian says. “I swear to you. All that time, I never asked him any questions about where he went and what he did.” Her eyes feel hot, and when she blinks it doesn’t do any good. “Not that that’s any excuse.”
“You don’t have to make any excuses for who you love,” Gary says. “Don’t apologize.”
Gillian will have to pay even more attention to this investigator. He’s got a particular way of observing things that catches you up short. Why, before he introduced the idea that love was blameless, Gillian never once stopped to consider she might not be responsible for everything that went wrong. She glances over to gauge Sally’s reaction, but Sally is staring at Gary and she has a funny look on her face. It’s a look that worries Gillian, because it’s totally unlike Sally. Standing there, with her back against the refrigerator, Sally seems much too vulnerable. Where is her armor, where is her guard, where is the logic that can put it all back together again?
“The reason I’m looking for Mr. Hawkins,” Gary explains to Gillian, “is that it appears he sold some poisonous plant matter to several college students which has been the cause of three deaths. He offered them LSD, then went and supplied them with the seeds of some highly hallucinogenic, highly toxic weeds.”
“Three deaths.” Gillian shakes her head. Jimmy told her there’d been two. He told her it wasn’t his fault; the kids were greedy and stupid and tried to trick him out of the money he was rightfully due. “Fucking spoiled brats,” that’s what he’d called them. “College-boy babies.” He could lie about anything, as though it were a sport. Gillian feels ill thinking how she automatically believed Jimmy and took his side. Those kids must have been looking for trouble. She remembers thinking that. “This is awful,” she tells Gary Hallet about the deaths at the university. “It’s horrible.”
“Your friend has been identified by several witnesses, but he’s disappeared.”
Gillian is listening to Gary, but she’s also thinking about the way things used to be. August in Tucson can bring the desert floor up to 125 degrees. One broiling week, soon after they’d first met, she and Jimmy didn’t even leave the house—they just switched on the air conditioner and drank beer and fucked each other every way Jimmy could think of, which mostly had to do with his immediate gratification.
“Let’s not call him my friend,” Gillian says.
“Fine,” Gary agrees. “But we’d like to catch up to him before he sells any more of this garbage. We don’t want this to happen again.”
Gary stares at Gillian with his dark eyes, which makes it difficult to look away or manage a half-decent fabrication. Maybe this gal knew about the college kids dying, and maybe she didn’t, but she certainly knew something. Gary sees that inside her—he can tell by the way she stares at the floor. There is culpability in her expression, but that could be only because she was the one James Hawkins came home to on the night the history major went into convulsions. Maybe it’s because she’s just realized who it was she was fucking and calling sweetheart all that time.
Gary is waiting for Gillian to declare herself in some way, but Sally is the one who can’t keep her mouth shut. She’s been trying, she’s been telling herself not to talk, to go on following Gillian’s lead, but she can’t do it. Could it be she’s compelled to speak out only because she wants Gary Hallet’s attention? Could it be she wants to feel exactly the way she does when he turns to her?
“It won’t happen again,” Sally tells him.
Gary meets her gaze. “You sound pretty certain of that.” But of course, he knows from her letter how sure of herself she can be. Something’s not right there, she wrote to Gillian. Leave him. Get your own place, a house that’s yours alone. Or just come home. Come home right now.
“She means Jimmy will never go back to Tucson,” Gillian hurries to say. “Believe me, if you’re after him, he knows it. He’s stupid, but he’s not an idiot. He’s not going to go on selling drugs in the same town where his clientele have been dying.”
Gary takes his card out and hands it to Gillian. “I don’t want to scare you, but this is a dangerous person we’re dealing with. I’d appreciate it if you’d call me if he tries to contact you.”