And secondly, I fear the pinch in my bank account.
The doctor counseled me into preparing the home for a stroke patient. It was an overwhelming task. Sourcing for suitable bed, wheelchair, establishing a way to clean the patient daily, to feed the patient daily, and the list goes on and on. For now, while I can still carry the weight upon my shoulders, I will be my mother's caregiver.
However, no matter how strong I steeled myself to be, there are unending issues that required my attention. Being in the general ward now, as the closest kin, I can spend most of my time accompanying her, right beside her.
I would hold her hand and tell her that I love her. That I pray for her.
Sometimes I would just hold her hand in silence.
On another day, mom was expressing frustration. She totally yanked out the Ryle's tube from her nose, and she pushed me away when I hugged her. As a sick adult, I might understand her frustration because suddenly she wasn't the independent one anymore, and she needed help with the tiniest basic actions. She was throwing tantrums like a toddler.
I did not react to mom's action, but when she fell asleep and I get a moment for myself, I caught myself crying again.
"It could be the swelling in the brain affecting her behaviour, Ms Faye" the nurse consoled.