Brother Nat is someone I regard as a friend closer than a blood brother. I did send him a message a few days ago, which is something I would do maybe twice a year, and he responded conversationally.
My ex. Faye doesn't have to know that after I broke up with my ex, we are still good friends. I let go of a lover many years ago, but kept a friend.
These are the past that made Cliff who he is today. And I am aching for Faye to be my present and my future. She matters to me more than I imagine. Somehow, I am not ready if Faye would fade into the background and became another chapter of my life as my ex. A part of me would have died.
So as I am holding my phone now, and like before, I typed a sentence to be sent to Faye. After a minute of deliberation, I delete the whole text and put my phone aside.
As much as every fibre in my body wanted to reach out and contact her, she needs to come to her own terms about me, without me begging or manipulating her thoughts.
Truthfully, I am very scared of losing her.
If I do, I would give up on romantic love, shave my head and commit to a life of celibacy.