Dad must have been busy because he didn’t bother me and I was glad for that.
The following week, I went to school like normal, practiced like normal, and had two games. By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready for the weekend. Megan begged me to go to Finn’s party, and after not seeing Zeke for that long, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to know why he was ignoring me. I wanted to know what I did wrong.
After cornering him in the room and him sort of confessing he had feelings for me, I kissed him. At first he kissed me back and it was wonderful, but then suddenly asshole Zeke slipped into place and he pulled away.
“Don’t kiss me unless you plan on finishing the job this time,” he said as he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.
When I saw that damn snowflake tattoo on his arm, I was done. I knew the minute I saw it that it was for me, and it was the highlight of my week.
After he broke the kiss, he stormed from the room. I didn’t see him at the party again. I ended up being the third wheel to Megan and Chet and holding back tears all night. My life was a complete mess, but at least when I was with Zeke I could forget all that. With him removing himself out of my life, things felt ten times worse.
That night when Megan dropped me off, I crept through my house and tried to make it to my room without being seen by my dad. Tonight was not my lucky night and I passed him in the hallway. He followed me with angry eyes as I walked past him into my room. The door barely had time to click before he was opening it and coming in.
“Where’s your sister?” he asked.
I hated that he was asking about her. I hated the idea of him even thinking about her.
“She’s at a friend house,” I responded with my head down.
I wanted to be strong. I wanted to match his stare like a bad bitch until he left my room, but after everything he’d put me through and after being dismissed like nothing by Zeke, I was weak. I’d always been weak.
He grabbed my chin and slammed my head back.
“If you’re going to dress like a whore, the least you could do is look a man in the eye like a whore,” he hissed.
I said nothing. I just stared back at him and waited for whatever was to come. The closer he got, the more I could smell the alcohol on his breath. For a brief moment I felt relief since usually when he drank he would leave me alone and pass out, but this time was different. There was wildness in his eyes that felt off.
“I’m so disgusted by you. Just look at you.” He motioned to my clothes. “Just look at how you turned out. I’m so glad it’s not my blood that runs through your veins.”
The minute the words left his mouth, his expression followed his accident. His mouth gapped open like he was going to fix his mistake, but instead, he stared back at me with wide eyes.
“What did you just say?”
The entire house shifted and I felt the blood rush from my head. Surely I was hearing things. Maybe I drank too much at Finn’s party. I did take a couple drinks from people I didn’t know. Maybe something was slipped in my drink and I was really passed out somewhere in Finn’s garage, having a nightmare. All of that sounded better than what I’d heard.
Without fear, I pushed into his space.
“You’re not my father,” I said simply.
Somehow it made sense, and somehow it made the years of sex with this man a tiny bit better, but still, I felt sick to my stomach.
I looked up at him. I really looked at him like I hadn’t in many years since I didn’t have the nerve. I took in his facial features and his dark-brown eyes. Then my thoughts rushed to Sydney and her green eyes and then my mom… Her eyes were green as well. And just like that, everything was clear.
“You’re not. Oh my God, you’re not my father.”
He didn’t deny it. “It doesn’t matter. I raised you.”
“You abused me my entire life!” I yelled.
As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, he hushed me with the back of his hand. My face stung and my ears rang.
“You’ve always been a selfish girl, Patience. Do you know that?” He dug his fingers into my cheeks and forced me to look at him. “Are you so selfish that you’d tell your mother something like that so close to her death? Do you really want her to die with that on her chest? Let it go. You liked it as much as I did.”
And then he turned and walked away. I stood there and let everything sink in and then I crumpled to the floor with melted bones and cried until I fell asleep.
The next day I stayed in my room for most of the morning. I debated on whether or not to go to my mother and demand to know why no one told me the governor wasn’t my real father, but just like I’d never tell about the sexual abuse, I’d never tell her that I knew. It wouldn’t change anything, and with my mother on her death bed, I didn’t want to give her any reason to not die peacefully.