“And then she punched the shit out of him.” Chet laughed through his exhale.
Everyone in the room laughed hysterically. I laughed, too, but I wasn’t feeling it.
The joint finally made it to me and, instead of hitting it, I passed it to Tiny.
“Dude, what the fuck? I’ve known you forever now and I’ve never seen you pass a joint without hitting it. Are you sick?” Tiny asked.
“Love sick.” Chet laughed.
“What’s this you’re talking about, Chet? You saying our boy Zeke’s pussy whipped?” Finn asked with big eyes.
“Fuck you, man. You know better than that,” I said as I reached out for the joint.
I took a big hit and then another before I passed it.
Even my boys were noticing the changes in me. Maybe I was sick. I know I felt pretty sick.
Once the beer was pulled out, I drank until I couldn’t feel anything. It had been so long since I’d been so high and drunk and I fucking loved it. I hated feeling so many things for Patience, and this way I was too drunk to think straight, much less feel.
So when my boy Frankie stopped by with his tattoo supplies, I blamed the alcohol for being stupid enough to get a new tattoo. Getting a tattoo wasn’t a big deal, I had them all over me, but the next morning when I woke up to take a piss and I saw a little blue snowflake on the inside of my left forearm, I knew I was in way over my head.
A week went by in a blur of school, Boy’s Club, practice, and intoxication. I still hadn’t made if over to my dad’s so I was still living out of a duffle bag. We played at The Pit a few extra times in hopes that the record executive would be there the night we played, but we never heard anything about it.
When the weekend came back around, Finn had one of his usual parties. I was in the middle of drowning myself in a bottle of Everclear when I saw her platinum hair across the room. I knew sooner rather than later I’d run into her again. Especially since Chet was banging her best friend on a regular basis now.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. First of all, she’d let Megan dress her again and damn, she looked hotter than shit. Secondly, it was Patience, my snowflake, and I missed her like crazy. She laughed at something Megan said and then ran her fingers through her hair to push it out of her face. All I could think about was the smell of that expensive shampoo she used. When I left the motel, I actually contemplated stealing the pillow case like a psycho.
She must have felt my stare because she turned and her gaze crashed with mine. Her face dropped and her eyes became sad. I knew her sadness. I felt the same. She was the only woman in the world that I’d ever spent time with without sex and I had to be stupid enough to fall for her.
Before she could come talk to me, I walked out of the garage. I couldn’t stand looking at her and I hated the expression on her face. Finn’s mom was out of the town with her new boyfriend, who was Finn’s age, so I shut myself in her room.
Being surrounded by an old eighties-style bedroom set and the god-awful mauve bedding and curtains didn’t help my mood. The mauve reminded me of my mom. It was her favorite color to decorate with. Maybe when I went to get my shit from Dad’s I’d take her chair, too. It was all I had left of her since I was stupid enough to destroy my favorite memory of her.
I guzzled down the burning liquid and prayed I’d get drunk enough to pass out. I lay back on the bed, and the smell of old lady perfume filled my senses and made me want to gag. The music outside the room was so loud I couldn’t think, so loud I almost didn’t hear the soft knocking on bedroom door.
“Go the fuck away,” I slurred loudly.
The music got louder as the door opened and muffled again once it was closed.
“Didn’t I say this room was being used?” I kept my eyes closed as I felt the alcohol taking over me.
“Why are you ignoring me?” Patience’s voice filled the room.
I sat up on my elbows and glared at her with drunken, red eyes.
“Why are you following me? Are you into stalking now?” I snapped.
She flinched at my words and I hoped she’d just leave. Being this close to her and not touching her was killing me. I sat up and slung my feet over the side of the bed. I put my back to her on purpose, hoping she’d take the hint, but still I heard her behind me.
“Did I do something?” she asked.
“Nope, you sure didn’t. Maybe if you had we’d still be talking.”
I knew it was fucked up when I said it, but the urge to be near her was getting stronger.
“So you quit talking to me because I didn’t put out?” She sounded appalled.