I broke the kiss and looked up at her. The usual panic wasn’t there. Her eyes were wide and full of excitement. They had the same glazed-over look as a girl in the middle of sex. Her hair hung down into my face as she showered my lips and cheeks with her soft, panting breaths. She looked too far gone, but she’d looked similar that night at my house, the night she stopped me with tears on her cheeks. I couldn’t go through that again. I’d explode.
“Maybe we should slow down,” I said.
I wanted to laugh out loud at that, but I was too afraid of ruining the moment. It was such a chick thing to say, but I didn’t want to push her too far. We’d already established the fact that she was nothing like the girls I was usually with. The last thing I wanted to do was freak her out again.
“Do you want to slow down?” she asked. Her brows bent down in confusion.
“Hell no, but you freaked out last time and I don’t want that to happen again,” I said honestly.
I felt her body tense up a little and she looked down at me like she was about to lay a massive confession on me. The expression was there for a brief moment before it cleared.
“I’m sorry I get scared. I wish I didn’t, but it’s not something I can help.”
I hated the thought of her being afraid of anything. When she was with me, fear should be the last thing on her mind. Patience brought out a protective streak in me that would strike down anyone if it meant keeping her safe. So the idea that I put fear in her heart disgusted me.
She looked away from me like she’d said too much, but I laid my hands on her cheeks and forced her to look at me. Her fingers dug into my shirt and wounded eyes met mine.
“Don’t ever be scared with me. I’d never do anything to hurt you and I’d destroy anyone who tried.”
Two things happened after that.
One: I was smacked in the face with the realization that I had feelings for Patience. It sucked and Lord knows I tried to keep it from happening, but they were there seated deep inside of me where I couldn’t get to them to clean them away, and after that point, I wasn’t sure I wanted them gone anymore.
Two: She closed her eyes and a single tear slipped down her face as a tiny smile spread across her mouth. She laid her cool hands on my cheeks and looked down at me like I was everything I’d never be and then she leaned down and kissed me like her life depended on it.
A wave of relaxation went through her body and she collided with me emotionally. Her body melded into mine and I wasn’t sure where I ended and she began. Her hands were everywhere, in my hair, wrapped in my shirt as she tried to pull me closer, and then up my shirt against my skin.
Breaking the kiss, I leaned down and pressed my lips against the side of her neck. I sucked softly at the smooth skin just under her jaw. She gasped and her fingers dug into my sides. Her pulse was quick against my lips as I ran them down the side of her neck.
She was trembling, but not from fear or anxiety. She was shaking like a girl on the verge of a new experience. She responded much the same way that night at my house in my bed. I loved her responses. I’d never had a girl respond to me that way. She was shy, but still bursting at the seams, and I wanted her to let loose on me.
I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed on to her hips. I pulled her closer and she did the rest of the work as she began to press herself against me and move her hips back and forth.
A husky moan spilled from her lips and she let her head fall back with her eyes closed. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen. I’d watched naked women pleasure themselves for me, but Patience was still fully clothed and she wasn’t doing this for me; she was doing this for herself. It was a massive turn-on.
I pushed up the bottom of her shirt and ran my fingers across her belly button. Her stomach moved in and out with her heavy breathing. My eyes crashed with hers when I looked back up. There was a tiny strain on her face, and I knew all too well what the strain was about. Her body was strung tight and if I knew anything, it was how to play a taut string. I wanted to release that tension in her and see relief on her beautiful face.
“Is this okay?” I asked when I let my hand move lower.
My voice cracked and it freaked me out how into this moment I was. Being with a girl wasn’t anything new for me, but Patience made me feel like some virginal fifteen-year-old punk. I can’t say I hated it, but it was different.
She bit her bottom lip and nodded her head yes. My hand slipped lower and I let my finger run just inside her jeans. The lacy top of her panties tickled the tips of my fingers and she made a tiny moaning noise that was probably the sexiest noise I’d ever heard a girl make. I was going slow with her, but going slow was kind of fun. I was teasing myself and teasing her at the same time. As much as I loved a quick, hard fuck up against a wall, going slow with Patience was going to be amazing and I had the distinct feeling I’d remember being with her this way for the rest of my life.