"In the wind's uproar, the sea's raging grim,
And the sighs that are born in him."
HEINE.
"From dreams of bliss shall men awake
One day, but not to weep:
The dreams remain; they only break
The mirror of the sleep."
JEAN PAUL, Hesperus.
How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. I do
not think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light might break
in upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I went on with a dull
endurance, varied by moments of uncontrollable sadness; for more and
more the conviction grew upon me that I should never see the white
lady again. It may seem strange that one with whom I had held so little
communion should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred
awaken love in some minds, as surely as benefits received in others.
Besides being delighted and proud that my songs had called the
beautiful creature to life, the same fact caused me to feel a tenderness
unspeakable for her, accompanied with a kind of feeling of property in
her; for so the goblin Selfishness would reward the angel Love.
When to all this is added, an overpowering sense of her beauty, and
an unquestioning conviction that this was a true index to inward
loveliness, it may be understood how it came to pass that my imagination
filled my whole soul with the play of its own multitudinous colours and
harmonies around the form which yet stood, a gracious marble radiance,
in the midst of ITS white hall of phantasy. The time passed by unheeded;
for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was also in part the cause of my
needing no food, and never thinking how I should find any, during this
subterraneous part of my travels. How long they endured I could not
tell, for I had no means of measuring time; and when I looked back,
there was such a discrepancy between the decisions of my imagination
and my judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, that I was
bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any conclusion on the
point.
A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back towards
the past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes had to strain
for a vision of what had gone by; and the form of the white lady had
receded into an unknown region. At length the country of rock began
to close again around me, gradually and slowly narrowing, till I found
myself walking in a gallery of rock once more, both sides of which I
could touch with my outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I
was forced to move carefully, in order to avoid striking against the
projecting pieces of rock. The roof sank lower and lower, until I was
compelled, first to stoop, and then to creep on my hands and knees.
It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but I was not much afraid,
because I felt sure that this was my path, and my only hope of leaving
Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary.