“Maybe he was just saying that so I didn’t feel embarrassed.”
“And maybe you’re acting like an idiot.” I gasp, and she sighs. “I’m not being mean, Wills. But I don’t even understand you right now. He said you were his. Tonight, after filming, you. Would. Be. His.”
Shifting in my spot, I meet her searching eyes.
“That’s it,” she says softly. “Strip away all the adorably cute sexting and the bottom line is you, my love, are nervous. Why?”
I drop down on the chair next to where she’s standing and look up at her. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? I have no idea what I’m doing. Even more, I’m not sure, when it comes down to it, I’ll be able to be … that.” I motion toward my phone. “I feel like a fool. An imposter. I’m not that person, Kirby, and you know it. I don’t say things like that, and we both know I’ll most likely clam up when it comes to taking things further than the kisses we’ve already shared.”
“Oh, Willow.” She moves and bends at the waist. Her arms come around me, and she pulls me into a fierce hug. “You’re so much braver than you give yourself credit.” She laughs when I start shaking my head. “You are. You don’t know it now, but you are. Kane brings out a side of you that I don’t even think you understand. You forget to be afraid of what he thinks about you when he’s around because he makes it so easy. Yesterday, when I was watching you, you smiled so much, Willow. You enjoyed being with him, watching him create something that is so personal to your own life, and with each scene you witnessed, those smiles came more often.”
“We don’t even know each other.”
She laughs. “I bet you know more about him in this small time that you’ve had together than most. You spent four hours with the man after I left. Can you tell me in that time you didn’t get to know each other better?”
I don’t answer because she’s right. We both opened up, and I do feel like I know so much about him regardless of the time in which we’ve been around each other.
“You’re ready, Willow. It’s time to stop overthinking things and take that chance. Stumble. Fall. Hell, trip over your ass and make a fool of yourself with drunken messages. Who cares? Enjoy yourself and let go of the rest of your worries and fears.” Her hands come up and frame my face. For a split second, I wonder if she’s about to kiss me again. “I’m not going to say this again, Willow. That man out there could have anyone, and he wants you. You have to open your eyes and realize he wouldn’t be making this much of an effort if he wasn’t all in, so it’s time to do him a favor and do the same.”
“All in,” I echo.
She nods and steps away. I watch her move around the room while she keeps bringing her eyes back to mine periodically. I know her time is running short, and as much as I would love to keep beating a dead horse, I let her words sink in. The confidence I felt in pursuing this with Kane last night comes back. Sure, it was embarrassing to see what I texted him, but she’s right, it didn’t turn him off in the least.
“And what do I do if it turns out that I’m not ready … for … crap.”
“You won’t know until you try. Look, I get it, that jerk of an ex did a number on you … did a number on what already slipping confidence you had. It isn’t going to be easy for you after that to just strip naked and scream take me. Take it slow. And, most importantly, Willow, communicate with him. Make him understand where your head is, and the rest will fall into place. I have a feeling, though, he’s going to surprise you and knock all that doubt right out of your beautiful little head.”
I can do that. He made opening up to him effortless. The normal trepidation I would have had is gone. All because of the way he makes me feel when I’m around him. Safe. A word I had started to hate now taking on a whole new meaning. No longer the easy route, it’s beginning to feel more like my salvation.
It’s time to believe in myself completely. Fear can stay because I know he will help me knock it back. And if he can’t, well, hopefully, I’m ready to do it myself.
I nod, and Kirby smiles. Lifting my phone up, I unlock it and look down at the still open text screen. An idea pops into my mind, and before I can stop to question it, my thumbs fly across the screen. I know I was right earlier when I thought about how I needed to make the next move so he is clear I’m serious and, as Kirby says, all in.
Locking my phone, I take a solidifying breath before standing and giving Kirby a smile of my own, this one feeling as light as I do at this moment.
It’s time to be the change I wish for myself.
It’s time to let go.
When I catch my reflection in the mirror across from where I stand, I take a moment to really see me. Like earlier this morning before leaving the house, I stop looking for what I don’t like and see the Willow that Kane sees.
My whole body seems to glow. My eyes are bright, cheeks flushed, and even my posture seems to exude the confidence I’ve been fighting for my whole life. For the first time in as long as I can remember, the fear of the unknown doesn’t consume me. It doesn’t define me.
I look like the Willow I deserve to be.
I look like the Willow who’s ready to get the man.
And I’m ready to enjoy wherever the ride takes me.
With a nod, I pocket my phone and follow Kirby to take our spots on set for the next few hours of nonstop filming.
I TURN AWAY FROM THE monitor and run my hands through my hair. Nothing today is falling into place. That’s a fucking lie. The actors are flawless. They’ve hit their stride and every take seems to get better and better. I should be thrilled, but my head isn’t in the game.
Which makes no sense.
I’m finally behind the camera, directing and producing a film I’ve been working on for the better part of five years. A film I’ve put my own blood, sweat, and frustrations into beginning with the screenplay. This is my moment. This film is my baby. I should be fucking thrilled.
Instead, I can’t get one stunning brown-eyed woman off my mind. I can’t stop seeing the same fear Alessandra eludes to in Willow’s eyes. I know she’s been through shit, but I’m beyond frustrated I can’t just fix it, and I have a feeling that until she’s ready, I might be doing more harm than good by coming on as strong as I have.