"I'm not afraid?" she said, immediately wishing she'd kept her big mouth shut. Seriously, when was she going to lose that irritating habit of not being able to lie? It would come in handy in moments like this or when she was trying to get out of jury duty.
"If it makes you feel better," he said, pausing to press a quick kiss against her lips that left her wanting more, "I'm just as scared as you are, but you need to remember one thing."
"What's that?" she whispered, feeling nervous by the intensity of his gaze, the way he was looking at her as if she made him happy....whole.
"I'm not going anywhere. We'll take this one day at a time, but we are going to give this a chance, Zoe."
"We are?" she asked breathlessly, feeling herself soften as she leaned forward to meet his lips. Maybe they could give this a try, she thought just as someone yelled his name. Sighing heavily, they both leaned back and Trevor gave the man, whom she'd like to point out looked stunned when he spotted her, a quick wave.
"Zoe,-" Trevor started only to be cut off by the waitress as she placed the largest bowl of clam chowder Zoe had ever seen in front of her with an equally large plate of chicken tenders.
"I took the liberty of doubling your order," she said, giving Trevor a pointed look.
"Thank you," he murmured, gesturing for Zoe to eat.
"Thank you. It looks really great," Zoe said just as the waitress started to walk away, barely able to take her eyes away from the food as her stomach growled viciously, startling the hell out of her.
Trevor simply chuckled as he handed her a large spoon. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. From what I heard, Haley out ate Jason while she was pregnant."
"Please tell me you're kidding me," she said, truly horrified at the prospect of eating as much as Jason and that was only for one baby. Really, how much would she need for twins?
"I'm afraid not," he said, gesturing once again for her to eat.
She eyed him for a moment, giving her food a chance to cool and trying to figure out a way to make sense of everything. One thing she couldn't wrap her mind around was the way he was taking everything. It was a little unnerving actually to have Trevor suddenly declare that he wanted a future with her. She knew it was because of the babies, but he didn't know that and one day he would and she didn't want to be the one to pay when that day came.
"Why aren't you freaking out about this?" she asked, too curious to put it off for another moment. She ate some of her soup and nearly moaned with pleasure. It was so good and apparently her stomach agreed because it didn't threaten to make her run the hundred yard dash across the restaurant to get to the bathroom.
"I sort of did freak out when I found out," he admitted sheepishly, gesturing for her to continue to eat when she stopped to frown at him.
"What happened?" she asked, wishing she'd been there when he found out. Actually, she wished he'd been there to hold her hand when the doctor came back to tell her the news or when they rolled in the sonogram and checked to see how far along she was.
Almost three months along.
She'd been shocked when they told her and hyperventilating when they mentioned twins. After they left the room she lay in the semi-dark room and tried to wrap her mind around everything. By the time they came to give her something for the pain and announced that they were releasing her she was both nervous and excited about the future, but she'd also been a little frightened that Trevor wouldn't take it well and apparently he hadn't.
"It was a bit of a shock," he admitted. "When you didn't have your, um," he cleared his throat, looking adorably embarrassed, "your um....," he trailed off, looking at a loss for words.
"Friend?" she suggested, biting back a smile at the relieved look on his face. When her period didn't show up the first time she hadn't been all that nervous since her periods had become extremely irregular with her diet and they were using protection. It was also one of the things that scared her enough to get off the insane diet she was on because she was afraid of the damage it was causing her body, but now she knew she wasn't giving her babies enough food and she felt like crying.
"Yes, I thought you were on birth control," he admitted, shaking his head ruefully. "I really was an idiot to assume anything. I should have asked, but I was so damn excited to be with you that I have to admit that I really didn't use my head a lot," he said softly, reaching out to take her free hand. "I'm sorry that I messed this up, Zoe, but you need to know that I will never-"
"About time you dropped by," Hank, she thought his name was, said as he slapped a hand on the back of Trevor's shoulder, cutting off whatever pointless promise Trevor was about to make. Even though she loved him, he didn't love her and she couldn't allow him to settle for her when she knew he would never be happy.
"I'm in the middle of something here," Trevor bit out, gesturing to Zoe.
Hank? sent her a questioning look, but quickly shrugged it off, probably not giving her a second thought as he turned his attention back to Trevor. "I was asked by that group of lovely women," he said, gesturing to a group of three women, who took that as their cue to send Trevor little flirtatious smiles and waves, "to see if you would like to join us for a drink."
"I just told you that I'm in the middle of something here," he said, jaw clenching as he once again gestured her way.
"It's fine," she said, knowing there really was no point in prolonging the evening. Any delusions she'd once had about having any type of relationship had been effectively squashed. She'd rather just sit here alone and enjoy this tasty meal before she went home to her semi-empty apartment. After nearly five months of dieting she was going to indulge tonight. Hell, she might even get dessert.
With ice cream.
Yes, she realized she was spiraling into binge eating and was probably on the verge of a major depression, but thankfully this time she had two Bradfords to help her out with the excess calories and hopefully by the time they were born she'd be over Trevor.
Okay, that wasn't very likely to happen, but at least by then she wouldn't be able to afford food for herself since she had two Bradfords to feed. It would be fine, because she'd be so busy trying to take care of her babies to think about Trevor.
She'd be fine.
Really.
Now if she could only believe that everything would be okay.
Chapter 31
How in the hell had he f**ked up so badly? he wondered as he signaled for the bartender.
It was that damn arrangement.