I quit fighting and when I looked back down at Zeke, my legs quit working. Had it not been for Finn holding me up, I would have hit the asphalt for sure.
The sounds of sirens were all around me and there were lights flashing, lighting up the sky in red and blue. The paramedics worked on him and from afar I could hear one of them calling out orders. Then he was being moved onto a gurney and put in the back of the ambulance.
I leapt at the doors and smacked at Finn’s hands to let me go. When a paramedic tried to stop me, I pushed at him.
“I’m going with him!” I yelled.
The paramedic stepped to the side and allowed me to jump into the back of the ambulance with Zeke.
He looked awful. No resemblance to the dark and sexy man that captured my heart so many months ago. I reached out and rested my fingers lightly on his leg. I couldn’t lose him. I’d already lost so much in my life. I refused to let go of him. I couldn’t do it.
Noises sounded loudly in the back of the ambulance and the paramedics practically pushed me to the side as they went to work on him. One used a contraption to breathe oxygen into him while the others checked his pulse and proceeded to do CPR.
I couldn’t move. He was leaving me and it was my fault. Had I not pitched a fit and run out of the bar, he wouldn’t have been chasing me. He wouldn’t have been hit by the SUV. We’d be on our way back to the boys’ condo where Zeke would have spent the entire night showing me how much he loved me.
Instead, he was lying there out cold and his body was holding on to the last bits of life he had. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t breathe. It was as if my body was giving up with his. I didn’t want to live in a world where there was no Zeke. Besides Sydney, he was the one good thing I had left. He was it for me.
I leaned down into his ear and softly moved his blood-matted hair from his face.
“I love you so much, Zeke. Please don’t leave me.”
I knew in my heart he couldn’t hear me, but it was all I could do.
When we got to the hospital, the paramedics rushed him inside and I was left standing there under the concrete carport, covered in blood. I couldn’t make my legs move. As badly as I wanted to follow him into the hospital and be there until the very end, I couldn’t. How selfish was that? I was a selfish bitch and I was the reason he was fighting for his life.
Time flew by and still I remained rooted to the hard concrete beneath my sandals. At some point, Finn and Chet were talking to me, but I couldn’t respond. I didn’t even fight it when Finn scooped me up and carried me into the waiting room of the hospital.
I’d once shot the man I knew as my father, and I thought I knew shock, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I was in shock. People moved around me. Someone handed me a cup of coffee and I held it there until the heat of the cup was gone and the black liquid inside was cold. Everything had stopped and sped up all at once, and as badly as I wanted to give in and let a massive panic attack take me, my body’s response systems weren’t firing.
Hours later, the doctor came out. The grim look on his face let me know what I already knew in my heart the entire time. Zeke was gone. He was never coming back. I’d never hear his deep laughter or feel his protective arms around me ever again. I’d die. The minute the doctor said what I knew he was going to say, I’d be the next to go.
“I’m looking for the family of Zeke Mitchell.”
Finn stood up next to me. I hadn’t even realized he was with me.
“We’re the only family he has. He’s practically my brother and this is his fiancé.” Finn touched my shoulder.
I wasn’t his fiancé. I’d never be his fiancé. I’d miss out on all of that with Zeke, and it was my fault.
I stood up next to Finn and my legs felt like jelly. I looked into the doctor’s deep green eyes and willed him to say something other than Zeke was gone. He was contemplating not telling us since we weren’t technically family. I couldn’t go another second without knowing.
“Please,” I whispered. “I need to know. Is he…?” I couldn’t say the word. The word “dead” sucked all the moisture out of my mouth and made me sick to my stomach.
Reaching into the pockets of his long white lab coat, the doctor rocked on his heels once before finally giving in.
“He pulled through.”
My legs gave out and Finn caught me and held me up.
“What?” My voice sounded as if I hadn’t used it in years.
Happy tears sprang from my eyes and rushed down my cheeks.
“He’s been sedated. Once he was awake, he started to become violent with the staff and was speaking out of his head about wanting snowflakes. We didn’t want him to injure himself more, so we didn’t have any other choice.”