And I want to steal that over anything her body can give me.
I’d threatened her with sex. I’d stuck my hand down my pants, forcing her to believe I’d fuck her anyway. Instead of terror and disgust, she watched me with cold resignation. She’d lived in a world of pain and forced sex for so long, it was boring to her. Something expected and extracted while she remained hidden in her silent fortress, giving up her body in order to keep her mind.
Fuck, that earned my respect.
But it also pissed me off.
Broaching the moat of her thoughts wouldn’t be a simple attack but a full-on siege.
Ignoring my open trousers and naked chest, I shot upright, once again mirroring her on her knees. The tightness of my boxer-briefs hurt my cock. I despised that, despite my repulsion of her bruises, I couldn’t ignore my lust.
Or was it abhorrence?
No…
I knew what it was, and it tainted everything—every breath and glance.
Shame.
She filled me with fucking shame.
Her eyes followed me, hiding whatever she thought. The only way to crack her was to confuse her. Turn her in circles, blindfold and enrage her. Then perhaps, she’d break her voiceless oath and give me what I wanted.
“I requested one night with you because I believed you were like me.”
She froze.
Had she met someone who used honesty for his benefit all while hiding his past? Did she care that I tasted her thoughts of suicide and understood what that felt like? That I’d once been as hurt as her but won over those who’d ruined me?
She didn’t deserve to know because she refused to share a single thing in return.
Pim bowed tighter in her kneeling position. Ugly hair hung around her face, casting shadows over her eyes, preventing me from seeing her secrets.
Not permitted.
Life hadn’t always been so black and white. I’d justified my means even while committing a crime—just like I was doing now.
It made me a shitty human being, but so what?
When I was starving and living on the streets, no one gave me a jacket to keep away the snow or bought me a meal to ensure I survived another day.
I was an inconvenience. An eyesore.
She’s not an eyesore.
Even malnourished and far too skinny, she had a certain beauty about her. Her green eyes were the largest I’d ever seen. Her dark hair hung limp and lifeless, but the colour still spoke of a richness that hadn’t entirely dulled. However, that hair prevented my ability to read her.
“Do you have a rubber-band?” Leaning forward, I scooped her dark strands and tugged them to her nape.
She shivered—her skin breaking into goosebumps. I waited for a twitched eyebrow or slight twist of her lips. I wanted to know what she thought about me touching her this way.
But no response.
Not that it mattered.
By the end of the night, I would know all I needed to.
I’ll win, Pimlico.
I always do.
Keeping eye contact, my fingers separated parts of her hair. She sucked in a breath as I wrapped a smaller section around the larger pony and tucked it under.
“There, nowhere else to hide.” Sitting back, I stared at her, finally able to see the angles of her cheekbones, the starkness of her jaw, and the sallowed hue of her mistreated skin.
“You can’t stop me from getting my answers,” I murmured. “So I’d give up if I were you.”
Her chin cocked with sharpness.
“How are you still alive?” I chuckled. “When you’re so damn belligerent?”
Her eyes narrowed.
“You think you behave and do what’s expected of you, but I’ve been watching.” I dropped my voice. “I see you glare at him. I see your hatred. I feel it.”
Her gaze darted to the corners of the room, her shoulders rolling.
I followed her concern. “You expect an unwelcome visitor soon, don’t you?”
She stiffened.
“You’re right. He won’t permit my presence for long.” I glanced at the door. “I don’t know how much time we have, so I guess I’ll have to work fast.”
Her body seized; her bruised stomach fluttered.
“I don’t mean I need to fuck you fast.”
Her eyes whipped to mine.
“If I do enjoy you that way, it will be after I’ve learned your secrets. Not before.”
A ghost of a smile lit her lips.
I laughed softly. “Do you think keeping your secrets will protect you from me?”
Her huff pleased me as I dragged a hand through my hair and slowly relaxed into this strange inquisition. “Secrets have a way of coming out with the right people asking, Pimlico.”
In a way, I was glad she didn’t speak. My own history was safe. She wouldn’t find out the reasons I was drawn to her. She wouldn’t know that I couldn’t walk away yet because I saw my past in her eyes.
She was a minor hiccup in my world. My interest in her had nothing to do with her damaged beauty or immense courage. Nothing at all to do with the silhouette of what lay hidden between her legs or her tight pink nipples.
Don’t be fucking ridiculous.
I had self-control.
I’ll prove it.
Pointing at her bandage, I whispered, “I was the reason for that.”
She didn’t move, but her violence-artwork skin turned white.
Not letting her drown in whatever thoughts she swam in, I gently took her broken hand. “I know I caused this by touching you that night. And I know that, once I leave, you’ll be subjected to more.” My fingers stroked hers. “But don’t think I’ll suffer guilt knowing that. The world is a fucked-up place, and we all have our demons to bear. You won’t get compassion from me, but you will get respect.”