We all groan in disgust.
“I am not falling for Tyler and I will not be supporting his freaky My Little Pony habit by purchasing anything from that line of toys, thank you very much,” I inform them.
Just because he has fabulous abs and a perfect dick, he’s easy to talk to and occasionally says really nice things to me doesn’t mean I’m falling in love with him. That’s just stupid.
“Did you hear about what happened with the whole sperm bank mix up?” Charlotte asks.
Everyone nods and mutters words of compassion for Tyler while I stand there in confusion for several minutes until Charlotte notices.
“He didn’t tell you? Dude, the sperm bank f**ked up their records and gave him the wrong name. Now they can’t figure out where his mom’s records are so he has no idea who his dad is all over again. He’s been really down about it,” Charlotte explains.
What? Why didn’t he tell me this?
I’ve been so busy worrying about my own problems that it didn’t even occur to me to ask Tyler about his. I suck.
Wait, what? No, I don’t suck. Who cares about his problems? He’s a booty call, nothing more.
But shit, he must feel awful. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to not know who my dad is. I don’t like all of these conflicting feelings that are going on inside of me right now. All of a sudden I feel like doing something nice for him. I don’t do nice. What the hell is wrong with me?
Shit, there is no way I’m falling for Tyler Branson.
Chapter 16 – Pulsating Posey
“We need to talk.”
I quickly remove my hand from the My Little Pony butt plug I may or may not have been petting and turn around to face Ava.
“Does that sex toy have a pink horse tail on it?” she questions, tilting her head to the side to look around me.
“I wasn’t touching it!”
She rights her head and raises her eyebrow.
“Ok, fine. I was touching it, but it’s so soft and silky,” I admit.
Ava shakes her head like she’s trying to clear all thoughts of me playing with a butt plug with an attached tail.
“Anyway, I think we should talk,” she tries again.
I don’t like how serious she looks. Ava and I don’t do serious. We do sex and we snap at each other and we do both quite well. This can only mean one thing – she doesn’t want us doing the sex anymore.
Fuck.
“Can we go somewhere else? I feel dirty standing in an aisle of My Little Pony sex toys. Holy shit, does that vibrator have a My Little Pony head on it?” she asks in awe, stepping around me and reaching for the yellow and pink vibrator in the box next to the MLP Fleshlights.
“That’s Pulsating Posey. On the show she’s known for her garden of flowers. At Seduction and Snacks, she’s known for titillating the petals of the flower between your legs,” I explain.
She quickly tosses Pulsating Posey back into the box, turning back around to face me. If I’m not mistaken, I think PP might have turned Ava on just a little bit. If this chick suddenly develops a fondness for all things MLP, I’m going to have a hard time walking away from her.
“So, you want to talk, huh?” I ask her with a sigh. “Come on, let’s go into my office.”
I turn and walk down the aisle like a man going to the electric chair. I guess I should have known this was coming. Someone as beautiful and confident as Ava doesn’t hang around a guy like me for that long. Sure, I have a better job and I’m not living in my parent’s basement anymore, but I’m not exactly at the top of the “Great Catch” list either.
In the front corner of the warehouse, they’ve set up a small room for me to use as an office. It used to be a storage room and it doesn’t have any windows, but it has a desk, a filing cabinet, a door that locks and a computer so I can watch p**n in peace during my lunch hour. When we get inside, I close the door behind Ava and wait for her to drop the ax and bring an end to our magical time together of f**king like rabbits.
Ava perches her hip on the edge of my desk and I lean against the closed door with my arms crossed in front of me. I’ve had plenty of fantasies about screwing her on top of that desk and I’m a little sad that I won’t get to fulfill them. Unless, of course, she’s down with one last go for old time’s sake.
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together and I realized that all we do is have sex,” Ava starts, wringing her hands in her lap and cracking her knuckles nervously. “It’s nice and all, but I thought we should talk. You know, try something new.”
I can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of my mouth. “Talk? You actually want to act like a nice human being?”
She winces, quickly looking back down at her hands and I immediately want to take my words back. I know we constantly bicker back and forth and can lob insults at each other with the best of them, but I can tell something is different with her this time. Here I was lamenting the fact that I’d never get to have sex with her again while she wanted to do something normal like talk and I go and f**k it up with my mouth.
“I didn’t mean-”
Ava holds up her hand and cuts me off. “No, I get it, I’m a bitch.”
“You’re not a bitch.”
She cocks her head and looks at me like I’m an idiot.
“Okay fine, you’re a little bit of a bitch, but I don’t care and obviously it turns me on,” I admit, pushing away from the door and walking closer to her.
“I know I act like I don’t care and that I’m just sticking around for the sex. I’m not used to someone like you. I’ve never been with anyone who I could tolerate for more than a day or two. I never expected for…this,” she gestures between us. “To amount to anything. I never expected to feel things. I certainly never expected to be hurt when I found out something happened with your bio-dad situation and you didn’t tell me yourself.”
She lets out an uneasy laugh and I move even closer, sliding my body in between her legs and resting my hands on her hips. The only sides of Ava I’ve ever seen are sexy- hot and annoyed-bitchy. I didn’t think it was possible to want her more than I already did, but I was wrong. Seeing her vulnerable and nervous as she opens up to me just the tiniest bit makes me want to rip all of her clothes off and make her mine.
“I think it’s probably obvious to everyone that I’m unhappy with my life and where it’s going. I took it out on you and I’m sorry about that,” she says softly.
“You don’t have to apologize. You drive me crazy, but I have more fun fighting with you than I’ve ever had getting along with anyone else,” I explain, bring a hand up to the side of her face and cupping her cheek in my palm. “I have a My Little Pony fetish and I don’t know any woman who would put up with that shit, but you sort of do and I like that about you.”
She smiles at me and like a f**king chick, my heart skips a beat. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen Ava smile unless she was plotting something evil and calculating. This smile is soft and lights up her entire face.
Yep, it’s happened, folks. I’ve grown a vagina.
“Why are you so unhappy with your life? You’ve got a great job, the perfect family and you get boned by a dude with mad bedroom skills on a regular basis,” I smirk.
Ava laughs and shakes her head at me, sliding her hands around my waist. “I do have a good job, but it’s not the job I want. It doesn’t make me happy.”
I move my fingers under her chin and force her to look up at me. “What do you want, Ava? What makes you happy?”
She bites her lip before taking a deep breath and spilling everything to me. She tells me about her blog and how her mom is always putting it down. She uses words like “couture” and “fashion forecast” that I’ve never even heard of before. She gets more and more excited and animated as she talks and I can’t help but smile. I’ve never seen her so passionate about something before and it makes me angry that her mom doesn’t at least try to understand.
For the first time in my life, a chick is talking to me and I’m not zoning out and imagining what she would look like wearing only a unicorn headband.
Okay, fine. I lost concentration for a second when she mentioned “trunk show.” Come on. What guy hears trunk and doesn’t immediately think ass? For the most part, though, I’m right here with her, hanging on her every word. I want to see her happy like this all the time. I don’t know what this blog thing entails, but I’m going to help her. If I can start a Bronies Support group in Ohio with only five members, my parents’ garage, two VCR’s and a poor, lost soul who was still in love with Rainbow Brite, then by God I will make this happen for her.
Even though Ava said all we did was have sex and she wanted to spend some time talking, we were alone in my locked office and I had a Pulsating Posey in my top desk drawer.
After our talk, I may have convinced Ava of the appeal of My Little Pony.
Three times.
Chapter 17 – Genital Flogging
“You’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with-”
I stop abruptly in Charlotte and Gavin’s living room when I see Tyler on the couch with a book in his hands.
“Are you reading an erotic romance book?” I ask in shock after I got a peek at the cover.
Sticking an old receipt in between the pages to mark his place, Tyler sets the book down on the coffee table and looks up at me.
“Well, I heard this stuff is all the rage with the ladies so I thought I’d give it a go. I’ve decided that you should start calling me Master.”
I roll my eyes and plop down on the couch next to him. “That’s never going to happen.”
I was a little worried moving in with Gavin and Charlotte that I’d never have any time to myself. Now that Tyler and I are sort of a thing, I figured we’d never get any alone time together either, but it’s actually worked out in our favor. The two of them are never home. They’re either working or going out together.
“It says in that book that women like to be dominated, so I think you should submit to me,” Tyler states.
“Um, have you met me? I’m not like those women. There is no way I would let you walk all over me.”
Tyler turns to face me on the couch. “Come on, be adventurous. I’ll tie you to the bed and spank you. We just need a safe word,” he muses.
“I’ve got a safe word. If you ever spank me and I scream ‘DON’T FUCKING SPANK ME AGAIN’, that’s my cue for you to stop.”
Tyler looks at me funny. “That’s a really long safe word. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘nipple’ or ‘pancakes’. Something simple.”
“Tyler, focus! Stop thinking about BDSM for five minutes. I just got off the phone with Nordstrom’s and they want to buy ad space on my blog.”
After our talk the other day in Tyler’s office, he asked me how many hits I got on my blog each time I post. When I told him the number, his mouth dropped open in surprise and he told me with numbers like that, I could definitely get a few sponsors that would pay me for advertising. I didn’t think he was serious until he started making phone calls for me and the companies actually called me back. With this recent call from Nordstrom’s, I now have five businesses paying me a monthly fee for advertising.
“See? I told you that you’d be able to make money off of this thing,” he tells me with a smile. “Let’s celebrate with some light bondage and role-playing.”
I shake my head at him, grab his hand and pull him up from the couch. “I’ve got a better idea. I need to do a blog post today about a few of the items Charlotte Russe and Forever 21 sent me over the weekend and I need a model.”
Tyler stops in the middle of the room and refuses to let me continue pulling him towards the bedroom. “Whoa, hold up there, missy. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this.”
Putting on my best pouting face, I bat my eyelashes at him. “But they sent over a My Little Pony t-shirt. If you put it on and let me take a picture of you in it, I promise we can try out the whole bondage thing.”
Tyler narrows his eyes. “Is this t-shirt bedazzled?”
“It’s bedazzled AND it came with a multi-colored tail that attaches to the belt loop of your pants,” I tell him.
Tyler grabs my hand this time and races towards the bedroom. “Damn woman! Next time, lead with that!”
“Ooooh that tickles, do it again!”
Smack.
“Okay, that one stung a little, not so hard.”
Smack.
“FUCKING HELL THAT HURT! NOT SO HARD!”
Smack, smack!
“OH, MY GOD! I SAID NOT SO HARD!”
“Safe word, use the f**king safe word!”
“PANCAKES, PANCAKES, MOTHER FUCKING PANCAKES!” Tyler screams.
With a sigh, I drop the horsetail that came with the My Little Pony t-shirt and smile at his red ass. “You were right, this bondage stuff is fun.”
Tyler looks over his shoulder at me and scowls. “Can you untie me now? It would be really awkward if Charlotte and Gavin come home early.”
He starts to struggle against the pair of panty hose that I wrapped securely around his wrists before tying them to the curtain rod in the living room. I’ve got to say, seeing him trussed up to the window buck na**d with his arms above his head is kind of a nice sight and it almost pains me to untie him.
“Honey, I’m home!”
I jump at the sound of Gavin walking through the door. The smile dies on his face as he takes in the scene in his living room.