But yet my mind was pained at times, and has been to this hour.--God

grant that I may never see the dreadful moment, that shall shut up the

precious life of this excellent, generous benefactor of mine! And--but I

cannot bear to suppose--I cannot say more on such a deep subject.

Oh! what a poor thing is human life in its best enjoyments! subjected to

imaginary evils, when it has no real ones to disturb it; and that can

be made as effectually unhappy by its apprehensions of remote

contingencies, as if it was struggling with the pangs of a present

distress! This, duly reflected upon, methinks, should convince every

one, that this world is not a place for the immortal mind to be confined

Advertisement..

to; and that there must be an hereafter, where the whole soul shall be

satisfied. But I shall get out of my depth; my shallow mind cannot comprehend,

as it ought, these weighty subjects: Let me only therefore pray, that,

after having made a grateful use of God's mercies here, I may, with my

dear benefactor, rejoice in that happy state, where is no mixture,

no unsatisfiedness; and where all is joy, and peace, and love, for

evermore! I said, when we sat at supper, The charming taste you gave me, sir, of

your poetical fancy, makes me sure you have more favours of this kind

to delight me with, if you please; and may I beg to be indulged on this

agreeable head? Hitherto, said he, my life has been too much a life of

gayety and action, to be busied so innocently. Some little essays I have

now and then attempted; but very few have I completed. Indeed I had not

patience nor attention enough to hold me long to any one thing. Now and

then, perhaps, I may occasionally shew you what I have essayed. But I

never could please myself in this way.

Friday. We were yesterday favoured with the company of almost all the

neighbouring gentlemen and their ladies, who, by appointment with

one another, met to congratulate our happiness. Nothing could be more

obliging, more free and affectionate, than the ladies; nothing more

polite than the gentlemen. All was performed (for they came to supper)

with decency and order, and much to every one's satisfaction; which

was principally owing to good Mrs. Jervis's care and skill; who is an

excellent manager.

For my part, I was dressed out only to be admired, as it seems: and

truly, if I had not known, that I did not make myself, as you, my dear

father, once hinted to me, and if I had had the vanity to think as well

of myself, as the good company was pleased to do, I might possibly have

been proud. But I know, as my Lady Davers said, though in anger, yet in

truth, that I am but a poor bit of painted dirt. All that I value myself

upon, is, that God has raised me to a condition to be useful, in my

generation, to better persons than myself. This is my pride: And I hope

this will be all my pride. For what was I of myself!--All the good I can

do, is but a poor third-hand good; for my dearest master himself is but

the second-hand. God, the all-gracious, the all-good, the all-bountiful,

the all-mighty, the all-merciful God, is the first: To him, therefore,

be all the glory! As I expect the happiness, the unspeakable happiness, my ever-dear and

ever-honoured father and mother, of enjoying you both here, under this

roof, so soon, (and pray let it be as soon as you can,) I will not enter

into the particulars of the last agreeable evening: For I shall have a

thousand things, as well as that, to talk to you upon. I fear you will

be tired with my prattle when I see you!




Most Popular