Appeals to parents or guardians often ensue. If, by mediation of
friends, a reconciliation takes place, it hardly ever holds: for why?
The fault is in the minds of both, and neither of them will think so;
so that the wound (not permitted to be probed) is but skinned over, and
rankles still at the bottom, and at last breaks out with more pain and
anguish than before. Separate beds are often the consequence; perhaps
elopements: if not, an unconquerable indifference, possibly aversion.
And whenever, for appearance-sake, they are obliged to be together,
every one sees, that the yawning husband, and the vapourish wife, are
truly insupportable to one another; but separate, have freer spirits,
and can be tolerable company.
Now, my dear, I would have you think, and I hope you will have no other
reason, that had I married the first lady in the land, I would not have
treated her better than I will my Pamela. For my wife is my wife; and I
was the longer in resolving on the state, because I knew its requisites,
and doubted my conduct in it.
I believe I am more nice than many gentlemen; but it is because I have
been a close observer of the behaviour of wedded folks, and hardly
ever have seen it to be such as I could like in my own case. I shall,
possibly, give you instances of a more particular nature of this, as we
are longer, and, perhaps, I might say, better acquainted.
Had I married with the views of many gentlemen, and with such as my
good sister (supplying the place of my father and mother,) would have
recommended, I had wedded a fine lady, brought up pretty much in my own
manner, and used to have her will in every thing.
Some gentlemen can come into a compromise; and, after a few struggles,
sit down tolerably contented. But, had I married a princess, I could
not have done so. I must have loved her exceedingly well, before I had
consented to knit the knot with her, and preferred her to all her sex;
for without this, Pamela, indifferences, if not disgusts, will arise in
every wedded life, that could not have made me happy at home; and there
are fewer instances, I believe, of men's loving better, after matrimony,
than of women's; the reason of which 'tis not my present purpose to
account for. Then I must have been morally sure, that she preferred me to all men;
and, to convince me of this, she must have lessened, not aggravated,
my failings: She must have borne with my imperfections; she must have
watched and studied my temper; and if ever she had any points to
carry, any desire of overcoming, it must have been by sweetness and
complaisance; and yet not such a slavish one, as should make her
condescension seem to be rather the effect of her insensibility, than
judgment or affection. She should not have given cause for any part of my conduct to her to
wear the least aspect of compulsion or force. The word command, on my
side, or obedience on hers, I would have blotted from my vocabulary. For
this reason I should have thought it my duty to have desired nothing of
her, that was not significant, reasonable, or just; and that then she
should, on hers, have shewn no reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt, to
oblige me, even at half a word.