But in the “on the day I die” video, Patty admitted something to Carrie.
I guess I can tell you now, since I’m gone. But I wished for you to be able to see me in the un-ordinary. You remember when we were lying by the lighthouse on that last night, and the shooting star flew by? I wished for you to see me in things not typically found. In the rainbow after a rain. In the twinkle of a star. In the butterfly that lands on your shoulder. In the breeze as you walk down the beach. See me. Feel me. Because I will always be there.
Matt heard the message too, and he got all choked up. Suddenly, Matt sits up. “Well, would you look at that,” he breathes. Then he realizes he said it out loud and he looks a little chagrinned.
“What?” Carrie asks. Then she sees it too. There’s a yellow swallowtail on the porch rail. It opens its wings and closes them. “Wow,” Carrie breathes.
I am dumbstruck. Absolutely dumbstruck. The butterfly flitters around and lands on Carrie’s shoulder. She sits absolutely still.
Logan takes a notepad out of his pocket and starts to draw. The butterfly stays there long enough for him to capture the image in pencil. Carrie sits there with the butterfly on her shoulder, completely still the whole time. She looks so peaceful. And so does the butterfly.
Logan tears off the page and hands it to her. She thanks him, and I feel like my heart is in my throat. But it always is when I’m with Carrie.
“Matt, do you think you could tattoo that on my shoulder?” Carrie asks.
He nods. “I believe I could.”
The next day, he puts the image on her shoulder. Logan drew it, and it’s a three-dimensional image that looks like it’s lifting right up off her skin. It’s one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
Aside from Carrie, that is.
###
Carrie left on Friday. And I’m afraid she took my heart with her. She has to go home to pack her college things before she heads to the dorm. Her dad is still here, because he’s closing up the house. I look around at my memories and I know what I have to do.
I have to go. I have to sell the house. I just have to.
I go to visit with Carrie’s dad, because I know he’s a realtor. I’m hoping he has some suggestions about how to start.
“So, you want to go to school?” he asks.
“Yes, sir,” I say.
He raises his brows. “You want to go to the same school with Carrie?”
“I applied last year. Just on a fluke, you know. And I got a deferment. But I called and they said I can go. I just need to come up with the tuition.”
“And you think you need to sell your house to do that.” It’s not even a question.
“Yes, sir.”
“And you want this badly enough to do that.”
“Yes, sir. More than anything.”
He goes to the kitchen drawer and pulls out a checkbook. He starts to write, and then he rips it off and hands it to me.
I look down. There are a lot of zeros. “What’s this?”
“I’m buying your house. Then I’m giving it back to you. Rent it out to pay for the lot rent and the insurance while you’re at school.”
“I can’t take this,” I say. I try to hand it back to him.
“Patty and I talked about this before she died,” he says.
I freeze.
“She wanted you to have every opportunity.” He laughs. “I think she meant every opportunity to get closer to our daughter, but I like to think she just meant regular opportunities like an education.”
I don’t know what to say.
“I…I can’t—”
He walks away. “I’m not taking it back,” he calls over his shoulder.
Holy shit.
Carrie
It feels strange not having Mom with us when Dad drops me off at the dorm. I carry the last of my boxes up the stairs, and I stumble to a stop when I turn the corner. Because standing there with his back against the wall, one foot resting on the bricks behind him, is Nick.
I drop what’s in my hands and it clatters to the floor.
“Here, let me help you,” he says, and he starts to pick up my things and put them back in my box.
“What are you doing here, Nick?” I ask when I can finally catch my breath.
“I’m helping you pick up your stuff.” He looks up at me and grins.
“No, I mean here. What are you doing here? At school.”
“Oh, I’m going here, too,” he says. Then he grins.
“Shut up!” I say. My heart skips a beat. “Are you serious?” I launch myself at him and he stumbles back against the wall, but he catches me. He holds me tightly to him.
“I couldn’t live without you,” he says. He holds me even tighter.
I grin against his neck. “I can’t believe you’re here. How did you…? What did you…?”
“Ask questions later,” Dad says as he joins us. “Unpack now.” He high-fives Nick. He knew!
“You knew!” I cry.
“You and your mom aren’t the only ones who can have secrets,” he says. “Nick and I have bonded.”
I have no idea what that means.
“He likes me now,” Nick explains.
Dad glowers at him. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
Nick chuckles. But he helps Dad move my things in and they talk. We all go to dinner, and then Dad drops us off at my dorm. By some fluke of good luck I am living by myself, no roommate, so I invite Nick up.