“Carrie!” Mom gasps.
Dad jumps to his feet. “How long have you been listening?”
I let the cordless phone drop down to my side. “Long enough.”
I can hear my mother calling my name from down by my knee.
“We didn’t want you to find out this way,” Dad says, rushing toward me.
“Find out what?” I grit out, punctuating the words with clenches of my jaw.
Dad speaks to the phone and not to me. “You should come over, Patty. Now.”
He nods and mumbles, turning away from me to talk quietly with her for a minute. Then he turns back. “She’s on her way.” He tosses the phone onto his bed.
“What’s going on, Dad?” I ask. My heart is thumping like a crazy woodpecker lives inside my chest.
“She’s on her way, and she should be the one to tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I finally yell. He stops and looks at me. His eyes are kind. They’re always kind. Dad wears glasses and has sandy blond hair. He has a bit of a potbelly that he can’t get rid of, no matter his diet, so he doesn’t worry about it. Right now, his face is bright red and he looks like he just ran a mile.
“Your mom has cancer, Carrie,” he says, and he winces as the words come out of his mouth. He opens his arms and I fall into them. He catches me, just like he always does. All I can think as I sob into his shoulder is that I’m glad he told me before she gets here, because if she knew I cared if she lives or dies, she would have power over me again.
Dad holds me close and lets me get it all out. When I’m done, I stand back and wipe my eyes.
“Is she dying?” I ask. I bite the inside of my cheek, calmed by the metallic taste of blood when I bite too hard.
He nods. “Yes, this will be her last summer.”
“Are you sure?” I wait. The clock on the wall ticks. One. Two. Three. Four.
He nods. “I’m sure.”
“Good,” I bite out.
“You don’t mean that,” he scolds.
“Yes, I do.”
I go into my room to compose myself. My mother is on her way over to tell me she’s dying and I have to spend her last summer with her. But my mother died in my heart three years ago when she left. I refuse to mourn her twice.
I have almost enough time to fix my hair and my makeup before she arrives. I hear the knock on the front door, but I refuse to go out until they make me. Mom and Dad talk softly in the kitchen and I can smell coffee brewing. My mom is a coffee fanatic, but my dad hates it.
A knock sounds on my door. “Hey, Carrie,” Dad calls. I don’t answer, so he cracks open the door and sticks his head inside. “Your mom wants to see you,” he says. He shoots me a glare when he sees that I’m in my jammies, under the covers.
“What?” I ask, throwing my hands up.
“Get up,” he says. He’s suddenly that dad. He’s the one that has a sharp tone and a never-say-die attitude. When he’s that dad, I have to listen. I throw my book down and toss the covers back. I stomp past him, just because I can. “Carrie,” he says softly.“What?” I ask when he grabs my arm to stop me.
He shakes his head. “Never mind.” He motions for me to proceed. “You don’t have to make this difficult, you know?” he tells my back as he follows me down the hallway.
“I’m not the one who made it difficult,” I hiss back over my shoulder.
Then I see her.
I stop.
She’s sitting at the table with a mug of coffee cupped in her hands. She looks up at me, and there are already tears in her eyes.
“Hi, Carrie,” she says quietly. She doesn’t get up or move toward me or reach out for me in any way.
“Hi, Patty,” I toss back. I go to the fridge and get a bottle of water.
Dad winces, but Mom chuckles. I didn’t expect that.
The last time I saw my mom, she was pleasantly plump. She wore Spanx and loose-fitting shirts and pants with elastic waistbands.
Now she’s not her.
She’s someone else.
She’s someone skinny with short, patchy blond hair that sticks out at odd angles. She raises her hand and absently strokes across the top of her head when she sees me staring at it. I step closer to Dad. I want him to touch me. I want him to ground me. I want him to make it all right. But he just hitches his hip on the counter.
Mom clears her throat. “So, about the summer,” she says. She swallows so loudly that I can hear it.
“About the summer,” I parrot. I don’t know what else to do or say. I lift my water bottle to my lips and take a drink.
“So, you don’t want to go with me, do you?” she asks. She looks hopefully up at me.
“No.”
“You’re eighteen. I can’t force you.” She shrugs.
“I can,” Dad murmurs. I look up at him and he glares back at me. I want to stick my tongue out at him, but he’s that dad right now.
“We can go sailing,” she sings. “We can fly kites. You always did like to fly kites.”
“When I was eight.”
“We can take long walks on the beach. You used to love to look for seashells.”
“When I was five.”
“Some of your friends still live there.”
“Which ones?” I ask, before I remember that I’m supposed to remain aloof.
“Amber and Rose.” She looks up at me from lash-less eyelids. “And that boy you used to like.”