Instead, I had two long-term relationships, with two average safe guys, with some average and safe sex. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree as a single, twenty two year old feeling like I was just as boring as I’d been when I’d started school. I was determined for that to change, once and for all. Even if that meant making a spectacle of myself at Joanna’s wedding.
***
“Don’t forget, five big ones baby.” Alice grinned at me as we walked into the church the next afternoon; both of us slightly tipsy from the free mimosas we’d had with our breakfast. “Just think of all the things you can do with the money.”
“$100 isn’t going to make me a millionaire.” I rolled my eyes at her as I laughed. “I thought you’d forgotten about that stupid proposition.”
“I had, but then I just saw Luke and Joanna and I wanted to gag.” She made a face. “It would make me feel a lot better knowing that someone hooked up at her wedding.” She grinned. “It would be like this dirty little joke that no one knew about, but me.”
“Well, I’d know and the guy would know as well.” We stood next to the pews awkwardly and continued talking. “Also, I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to have in front of God.”
“God isn’t happy with Joanna either.” Alice made a face and then sighed. “Forgive me, Father for I have sinned.” She quickly made the sign of a cross and screwed up her nose. “Fine, don’t hook up with anyone and don’t make me feel better.”
“My hooking up with someone shouldn’t make you feel better anyways, Alice.” I laughed and then looked around. “Should we sit? I feel like we’re kind of early.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugged. “Or we could just ditch and go and get some more mimosas? That sounds like an even better plan.”
“We can’t ditch.” I laughed at the suggestion, though I wasn’t altogether sold on having to sit through the wedding of two people I didn’t really like.
“Please.” Alice made a hopeful face at me and I laughed again as she made a drinking motion. This time my head fell back as I laughed and I could feel someone staring at me. I looked to the left and there I saw a tall, brooding man with dark hair and a frown on his face about two hundred yards away from us. I attempted to give him a smile, but instead of smiling back, he gave me a disdainful eyebrow raise and looked away.
“That guy is an asshole.” I whispered to Alice, the laughter gone from my voice.
“What guy?” She turned around and looked towards the entrance of the church, but the rude man had gone and a group of older women were walking towards us.
“There was a guy up there just now, who was looking at me as if I were some commoner on his estate or something.” I could feel my face flushing red with anger as I remembered his superior look. “I’m not sure who he thinks he is, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with laughing in a church.”
“Yeah, that’s weird.” Alice nodded. “Maybe he’s related to Joanna or something, I think her entire family is full of snobs. No one is good enough for her.”
“I don’t get why he was glaring at me.” I said again. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”
“Forget him, he most probably needs to get laid.” Alice said loudly and I groaned as I saw a priest behind her.
“Good Afternoon Father.” I said meekly, my face burning in shame now.
“Good Afternoon.” His eyes burned into mine and I knew that he’d heard Alice and was thinking that both of us needed to go to some sort of confession; even though neither one of us was Catholic. He continued walking past us and I grabbed Alice’s arm.
“Let’s go outside and wait until it fills up a bit. I feel like we’re just making a spectacle of ourselves.”
“Sex with the group would be making a spectacle of myself, not just standing here.” She rolled her eyes and I felt a wave of compassion towards her.
“Are you okay? This must be hard?”
“My ex-boyfriend is marrying my ex roommate and friend, what’s to be upset about?” Alice sighed and then shook her head. “I don’t really care. He had a small dick. That’s Joanna’s problem now.”
“Hahaha.” I started laughing again and this time, tears were rolling down my face. I wasn’t sure why I found it so funny, but I suspect that the mimosas had worked their magic and I was feeling more relaxed than usual. “You never told me that Luke wasn’t good in bed.”
“He was good with his tongue.” She grinned. “That was good enough.”
“Hmm,” I scratched my head. “Let me think.” I closed my eyes and tried to think about a guy going down on me versus a guy entering me. “Cock or tongue, what do I prefer?” I giggled and then opened my eyes. Alice’s face looked stiff and I turned to the right of me and saw the brooding man from earlier, standing right next to Alice. His green eyes looked amused as he stared at me. He was gorgeous and I was having a hard time breathing as I realized what I’d just said, out loud. I wanted to groan, but kept my mouth shut as I stared at him. His lips looked pink and soft and he had a light, dark beard, that looked sexy as hell on him, and I wasn’t even a girl that was into facial hair. I could feel my face burning up as I stared at him. All I could think about was his beard and I wondered if it would tickle me if he went down on me. I wanted to slap myself for my inappropriate thoughts. That was it, no more mimosas in the morning.