Raine’s scent lingered here, driving him mad. He could still feel her in this room. Hear her. Taste her. But it was a mirage. His eyes blurred.
Liam wasn’t going to call suddenly and cough up their fucking location. But even if he could talk to her, Hammer wondered what he could really say except that he was sorry. Anything more would only hurt her.
Numb and empty, he unscrewed the top from the bottle and guzzled the clear liquid, relishing the burn down his throat.
As the tequila tore past his control, he allowed himself to drown in memories of Raine. The party he’d thrown for her eighteenth birthday, the night she’d cried to him after losing her virginity, the triumphant day she’d received her college degree—he’d been there for her. Her constant. And Hammer hadn’t realized until now how much he needed her to need him.
Would Liam be taking his place?
Hammer had no idea how long he’d been sitting in the middle of his bed, clutching the pillow she’d slept on, but by the looks of the nearly empty bottle of Patrón, he figured it had been a while. How many more bottles would it take before he passed out? He’d drink an entire case if it would ease this ache.
Lowering his head to the pillow again, he caught a whiff of her waning scent. But he wanted more. The fresh reminders of her would make him continue bleeding, and he welcomed it.
Crawling out of bed, he stumbled down the hall to Raine’s room. Yanking open her closet door, he pawed several shirts suspended on hangers and hugged them to his chest. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. Ahh, there she is. Her scent filled him, made his mouth water, and a stunning visual of her swirled in his head. Much better.
He nearly tripped over his own feet as he turned and wandered back to his room. Sinking to the bed, he clutched her clothing against his face, breathing in her sweet floral and feminine musk, wishing he could hear her tender voice. Look into her big blue eyes sparkling with undeniable love.
God, he’d taken so much of her for granted. An agonizing scream tore from his throat.
“Christ, Macen. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beck’s dark eyes narrowed with pity as he stood in the doorway, eyeing the near-empty bottle of tequila. “Patrón didn’t help you before. What makes you think it’s going to change anything now? Pull yourself together. Seriously, dude, you’re scaring the natives more than I do.”
Yanking Raine’s shirt away, he tried to stand, but just fell back to the bed. “You think I give a fuck what anyone else thinks? You’re not a shrink. Go find someone else’s spurting artery to repair and get the hell out.”
He laughed. “Jesus christ, you’re pathetic. You didn’t want Raine enough to fight for her, despite fucking her all night. Loudly, I might add. You two lovebirds made it impossible for me to get any damn sleep.” A smirk tugged on his lips. “And now you’re going to cry in your beer? I thought the Irish lug was your bosom buddy. You just stood there while he swept her out the front door. It’s over, man. She’s gone. Stop weeping and start taking care of your business.”
“I didn’t have a fucking choice. How can I love her when she can’t be what I need—when fuck, I can’t be what she needs, either? This shit is…” his voice trailed off. “Yeah, Liam is my best friend. Hell, he’s like my goddamn brother. So why did he do this to me? He knew… The bastard reads me like a fucking book. And he still stabbed me in the back.” Hammer shook his head, staring into the bottom of his bottle. “He’s going to fuck with her head. It’s his MO.”
With a sigh, Beck strolled into the room and picked up the bottle between Hammer’s feet. He drained the last gulp in one healthy swallow. As he set it on the nightstand, he pulled up a chair, flipped it around, and straddled it. “Let me ask you something. Besides last night, when did you ever treat Raine as anything other than a kid?”
“Probably never. I wanted to protect her, and it just fucking took over everything else.”
“Then you can’t possibly know if Raine is incapable of being what you want. One night with her isn’t going to tell you shit! You didn’t try before. You’re still not.”
“You don’t understand.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want a submissive. I need a slave. You know she never will be.”
“You love her,” Beck said quietly.
Hopelessness plowed through him like a freight train, and tears closed up his throat. “Yeah,” he choked out. “And I have no fucking clue where to find her or how to save her before Liam turns her inside out.”
“I think he cares about her, too.”
“But he’ll never love her like I do. No one will.” He hung his head.
“You didn’t show her that.”
“The hell I didn’t! Maybe not in the way you mean, but I’ve always taken care of Raine. The night I found her in the alley, I didn’t dare look at the terrified girl as she tried to hide by the dumpster. I didn’t know anything about her, but one look, and I had to protect her. I was frantic that she’d take off down the alley and be raped. Or shot full of drugs or bullets. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away to keep her safe. She was so tiny and falling apart. Then fuck, I looked into her eyes… She seemed so damn lost. Hell, the first few weeks she was here, Raine jumped every time I raised my voice. But I refused to give up on her. I still can’t.”
“She’s not that waif from the alley anymore, man, and if you think that…you’ve got the whole river of denial running in your veins. I have no doubt that you had your cock in every one of her openings last night. It’s no big secret that she wanted you just as badly. As far as being a slave, it’s not like a submissive can blink her eyes and presto, she’s grown to that level. If you were giving yourself advice, you’d tell yourself that it takes time to train her. You’ll teach her to drive, but not to be what you need? You won’t even give her a taste. Why?”
“I told her this morning,” he slurred. “I explained what to expect as my slave. She ran screaming.”
“Do you seriously not know how to compromise? Ease her into it? Maybe it’s time to wise up. Your so-called friend has collared Raine now. You’re going to have to get at least as clever as Liam and figure out your shit to even think about winning her back.”
A wounded growl erupted from his chest. “Even if she wasn’t wearing his collar, I’d still be too much for her to handle. I almost broke her last night.” His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Where the hell did he take her? Do you know? I need her back. I’ve got to know she’s okay.” Tears blurred his vision, and Beck just shook his head. “Help me. Please?”
“God, you’re a pussy when you get drunk.” Beck rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where she is. You think I’ve got a crystal ball? Did you try to call her? Call Liam?”
“Her cell phone’s still here, and the son of a bitch won’t answer his. I’ve sent messages, a shitload of them,” Hammer mumbled, trying to quell the panic swirling inside him.
“I’ll bet, but have you tried leaving a sober message he might understand?”
Hammer just glared. “Some fucking help you are.”