“Eventually the biggest problem with keeping the secret was that we’d kept it for so long. It was no longer about the fact that we were in love, that I’d craved you since the first time I saw you standing with your dad at the Gremlin booth at the Tahoe Open. The issue was that every day we didn’t tell added to our sins until they compounded and gained interest.”
“You think they didn’t tell me because they’d kept the secret for too long already?”
“I think that it’s worth the thought.” We pulled into her driveway, and the car rocked to a stop. Too soon. I haven’t had enough time with her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss away the confusion on her face, the uncertainty that clouded her eyes, but we hadn’t crossed any sexual lines since Fiji, and I knew she had to be the one to make the first move.
Maybe it was wrong, or selfish, but I needed her to need me, too. Needed her to depend on me, rely on me, to trust that I would be her safe place if the world went to shit. Trust. Ha. That’s funny. I even sounded sarcastic to myself.
“When does your flight leave for Aspen?” she asked.
“When you’re ready,” I answered.
“What? You can’t wait on me. I have no idea how long it will take to feel like I can leave.”
I shrugged. “I’m not going without you.”
She downright glared at me, and I wanted to sing with the joy of it. “And what happens when you miss your events? When you don’t win the prize money you need because you turned down Gremlin’s terms?”
Unable to stop my hand, I brushed my knuckles against the soft skin of her cheek, savoring the contact. “You’re not a term.”
“Landon, I’m being serious.”
“I am, too. What happens if you need me and I’m not here? I promised you that you are my priority, and I meant it. I’m here while you deal with this. I’ll be here when you need me, and I’ll be standing here when you swear you don’t, anyway. If you’re ready to go, we’ll go. If not, then I won’t.”
She glanced to the open door, where both of her parents stood, looking just as nervous as they should.
“What time is the flight?” she repeated.
“I have tickets on a commercial flight at noon tomorrow,” I answered.
“Commercial?” She quirked an eyebrow. “Slumming it with us normal people?”
I laughed. “All my extra money went to a private plane overseas. Now I’m on a budget until we figure out how to swing the circuit, since Pax’s dad confirmed that he’s only funding the documentary. You’re worth it,” I promised softly.
She looked away, and I wondered how long I had before she tried to bolt again. Heaviness settled in my stomach. Was there any way I would ever actually earn back her trust, or was I always going to be watching for her to run?
“Don’t wait on me,” she instructed, and I prayed she only meant for the X Games. “You can’t afford it, and I won’t be the reason you miss your medals. Not that you’d actually miss them.”
I breathed through the spark of anger her words sent through my veins. What the hell did I have to do to prove to her that she was more important?
“I’m not leaving without you. I mean it,” I said in the most serious tone I could muster without letting my absolute rage seep through. “Didn’t Nepal prove that to you?” I’d given more than my pound of flesh, and I wasn’t asking the same from her—just the tiniest glimmer of trust. How much more could I fucking take before I snapped on her and set us back when our relationship status was already so delicate?
“You did,” she admitted. “But this is different. You won’t let Wilder down. With Penna out, they need you.”
“Well, I need you!” I put my hands over my face and took a deep breath. Then I tried to rein in the anger, the frustration, the terror that she’d walk into that house and her dad would somehow turn her against me permanently. “I love you, Rachel. You know that. And I’ll wait for as long as you need me to, but I’m begging you to start giving me the benefit of the doubt. I can love you with everything I have in me, but I can’t love you enough for the both of us. At some point you have got to stop taking hits at me just to see how far you can push before I’ll leave. I’m not leaving, but I’m not sure you can say the same, and that scares the shit out of me.”
She glanced away and then back to me, but after a minute of silence, I realized she wasn’t going to respond.
“Your parents are waiting,” I told her.
“Thank you for bringing me home,” she said. “Why don’t you just check us in for the flight. If I make it, then we’ll go. If I’m not there, go without me.”
My jaw flexed.
Before I could say something that would put us on the downward spiral, she kissed my cheek. “See you later.”
I nodded as the love of my life stepped out of the hired car and took her bag from the driver. She didn’t look back, not that I expected her to.
She still didn’t believe that I’d be standing there if she did.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Rachel
Los Angeles
The grandfather clock ticked its rhythmic beat behind me as I squared off against my parents in our living room. Scratch that—Mom’s living room. Dad hadn’t lived here for three months now.
“We’re happy to see you, sweetheart,” Mom said, crossing her legs and uncrossing them. “We’ve missed you so much.”