She remained silent, but she didn’t scream at me, so I counted that as a point scored.
“I did that. I lost your trust, and though I won your heart back, I never worked on the trust factor. So I’m done telling you to trust me. I’m done telling you that I love you, that I need you, that you’re the only priority in my life. I’m going to show you instead.”
Her eyes widened slowly. “It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not. For a love like ours, too late is when we’re dead. It doesn’t matter how many years pass, you and I will always be drawn to each other, we’ll always find our way back. We’ll always have this between us. I’m not sure about you, but I’m not prepared to live my life like that, always wanting you, craving you, and not having you. That kind of life is bullshit.”
“What do you recommend?” she asked, not giving away a damn thing. Just once, I wished that she’d wear her emotions instead of hiding them away like a weakness. But then she wouldn’t be Rachel.
And I loved Rachel just how she was—stubborn and hard-shelled with a soft-as-caramel center.
“I can tell you that I called your dad from Aspen and told him to fuck off—that he could stick his sponsorship deal up his ass. That there’s no amount of money that can buy you from me.”
“Landon,” she whispered, her body sinking farther into the seat.
“But I knew when we talked on the ship, that wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you that I liquidated most of my savings with Wilder to finance the rest of the year, since we lost every sponsor that we had.”
Her mouth dropped slightly.
“It wouldn’t be enough for me to tell you that I was sorry, that I was a stupid kid when I took the deal the first time. You think you weren’t enough to hold me, that I needed more—that I needed the Renegades. But that wasn’t the full reason. I’m sorry I made choices for you that I had no right to, but it was because I felt that I wasn’t good enough for you. You, who risked everything for me—turning down Dartmouth, walking away from the Renegades, your parents, everything you knew. I couldn’t let you walk away from an Ivy League education, from the life I knew you deserved—not when I had just lost my sponsorship and had no way to even take care of you. Your dad offered me a way to fix everything that I’d broken. All I saw was a way to give everyone back what they lost…except me. I put my heart in a box and became a shell until I found you again.”
She looked away, and I forged ahead, knowing I had to drive it home, that I couldn’t go halfway with Rachel. She demanded everything, because that’s what she gave.
“I knew it wouldn’t be enough to tell you these things, that I will walk away from this life if it’s what you need to believe that there’s nothing more important to me than you.”
Her eyes jerked back to mine, widening with each word I spoke.
“So I’m showing you. I canceled Nepal.”
“Landon, no.” She shook her head softly, just enough to move her hair.
“Yes. There is nowhere else on this earth that I’d rather be than here with you, and this is the only way I could think to prove it to you.”
Watching her walls crumble was beautiful. Her mouth softened along with her eyes. But with the fortress down, I saw the pain there, how much I’d put her through.
“I don’t…” She shook her head and then rested her forehead in her palm for a moment while she composed herself. “This is all…amazing, Landon. But I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
I ignored the stabbing pain in the vicinity of my heart and nodded. “I get that. And I’m going to spend every moment of the rest of my life proving that you can. From now on you are my only priority. Everything else comes second. I’d rather have one of your kisses than win any competition, free ride any mountain, or even have a Renegade name. I’m yours to do with what you will.”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and I would have given everything else I had to kiss it free, to show her with my body how perfect we were for each other, how nothing else would ever compare.
“And you’re not kidnapped,” I told her with a small laugh. “The pilot is under your command. Wherever you want to go, we’ll go, which includes turning the plane around and leaving me in Hong Kong while you head to Seoul.”
She tilted her head like she was considering it, and I almost regretted those words. But I was done making decisions for her. I needed her to choose me just as badly as she needed to be able to trust me.
“But I’d really like to do this with you,” I requested softly.
It felt like eons while she weighed her options, but I sat there quietly and waited. I’d learned my lesson when it came to pushing Rachel.
Finally, she looked at me and lifted her chin slightly.
“Okay. You can come.”
Every muscle in my body relaxed as I sank back against the seat. “Okay.”
She gave me a tentative smile. “And thank you. For the plane. For arranging it all when you didn’t have to.”
Of course I’d arranged it. I wanted to see where my future wife had been born, the place she’d spent her earliest months. But I also knew she wasn’t ready for that future, not now…maybe not for years. I knew it with the same certainty that told me she was the only woman I would ever love, ever need enough to give up everything—even the Renegades—for.